Those odd wandering thoughts... - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

JustDave4now · 06-02-2005, 04:02 PM

I was wondering if anyone ever had odd wandering thoughts that would suddenly enter your mind in certain situations. They are almost seem not your thoughts, you don;t think them up, but poof they are there. I get these odd thoughts sometimes..

First understand I am not suicidal, I don't want to die, and I owe it to my son and my wife that I live a very long time, and would never be that selfish.

But..

Sometimes when I am up high, like on a parking garage or bridge, I will look over because a wandering thought would enter my mind, wondering what it would be like falling from there. Some times I will lean out and look down, trying to see what I would hit on the way down, would it hurt when it ended or would it just end. Sometimes it makes me shudder and I push the thought away and walk away. But the next time I am up high again, in comes that nagging thought.

I do not do this because I am sad, I do not do this because I don't like myself or my life, or that I am in pain. Its just the oddest thought that pops in my head whenever I am up high and can get to a railing. odd. I notice I only seem to get this thought on a mania, oddly. You would think I would get it when i am sad, but when I am sad, I stay away from the railings usually, not because I fear for myself, but because I have no intrest.

It gets really bad when I am on a mania and a depression at the same time, very odd indeed. Its just a wandering thought I push away like a bothersome fly, but I wonder why it comes in my head.

I get others, but this one bothers me the most, because I wonder what it means. I know I will never commit suicide, because I have to much honor and take too much pride in my family and my responsibilty to them.

I wonder if you ever had these odd thoughts suddenly pop up on ya, or is it me, it could be, hehe, I am a strange duck.

Anywho, Godbless.. Dave.

Josie's Momma · 06-02-2005, 04:38 PM

Hey Dave... I get those wandering thoughts too. It makes you stop and look around and go "Where did THAT come from???" I think I get mine in my manias more so then any other time. I can easily say most of the thoughts are disturbing in nature. I think it has to do with the fact that my mind is racing anyways. I don't make much sense anyways at those times... I think the worst thing is once the thoughts pop up it is hard to get rid of them... they nag at ya from the back of your brain ready to pounce!

polarized13 · 06-02-2005, 06:59 PM

Hi Dave,

Yes, I have those thoughts sometimes too, I have for as long as I can remember. I have always had enough sense to ignore them, but I will do the exact same kind of thing that you described. I will be driving down the road and suddenly have a thought that is more of an urge to swerve my car over a bridge or something. I would never act on it, I have also never been suicidal. I think I just always figured everyone had those pesky little thoughts in their head, but nope, I think it's just us. That's why they call us mentally ill, I guess.

Am I having deja vu, or have we had this discussion once already?

~~heather~~

dwightbean · 06-02-2005, 09:00 PM

ditto, i guess.

i have no idea what state of mind i'm in this past week (although the last time i checked i was perhaps hypomanic).

while i was driving home tonight, i suddenly visualized my car flipping over the freeway & i wondered what it would feel like to snap my neck & feel the impact of the cement. normally i try not to do that, but i guess i've been wondering to what extent those thoughts may just be normal. while i was listening to some music around the same time, the beats started feeling faster than normal and the music started sounding a bit foreign. i guess overall, these thoughts are a bit different than when i considered myself a bit more stable.. but i've wondered if i should just go with it. i think i've had thoughts like this since i was a kid anyway.

is this really bipolar thinking?

Ellecram · 06-02-2005, 09:15 PM

Had to jump in on this one - I have experienced those wandering thoughts in different ways throughout the years - they come out nowhere it seems - the most recent version hit me this week - twice I have been caught off guard with bizarre thoughts of spray painting my entire body - one day it was silver - one day it was black! Since I had not worn gloves and have always been rather uncoordinated, parts of my fingers and hands had quite a bit of paint on them. In fact on Silver Paint Day, my right hand had two fingernails thickly coated and I drifted off into this fantasy that perhaps I was becoming the Tin Man from Oz?