What if you are not depressed and not having mood swings? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Adrienn · 06-05-2005, 03:31 AM

I purposely did not read a lot about manic depression because I don't want to create an issue if it's not there.
If I'm not manic depressant, I am normally a hypermaniac.
I know a lot of bipolar people like to write, and that's what I like to do. I want to be a writer, because it makes me calm and entertains me. I sty home to do that. I like to do interactive things, but not really watch TV because I am bored with things like that. I can't really handle relationships, because I get so attached that I can not live without the other person. I do not eat or sleep, and if she's sick, I get physically sick just knowing it. I used to be so promiscious that I took so many lovers. I refused to even have a relationship. I obsess about my career and my work. I of course can't sleep. When I turned around 21 I noticed I felt like I died and became some other person, and maybe it's just things that I did, but I am accused of being so different. I'm gay, so straight people saying that made me start to get frustrated at them because that's capatilized upon, yeah I'm a lesbian model hmmm, but then gay people say I'm different, and they think it's great, but that just goes to show you.
I did start to use drugs, but only recently. I just keep getting more wierd and intense but I do not get depressed. I'm always awake and everything makes me nervous all the time, but I definately do not feel depressed. I avoid thinking about my problems, to the point I forget they exsist. But I do not think I have problems except the ones I get myself into with girls or going out sometimes. I infatuate people because I am so confident and then I ignore them so I do not have to help them with their issues, because for some reason ppl think that I am smart and focused, and since I immdiately give good advice at the drop of a hat, they are like...oh, I know you can help me with this...
Maybe I'm just in such a strange world and I bring this on myself, but, I do not like the fact that I am still different. Could this be an onset of bipolar? I wish I could describe it more. I think that a lot of what I said is positive, but the way I feel, it's not like I'm sad. It's like I'm stuck. Like, no one is strong to me like I am for them. I get bored all the time. I can't make up my mind about things, and I force myself to do normal things that should be easy, while I do things that are suppose to be hard so easily. And yes I am very frustrated easily, but just my general range of emotions seems to be out of balance.

mudhound · 06-05-2005, 04:16 AM

writing is one way of letting our inner person come out. Just the fact that you are here mean that you must be searching. Keep on. You will find what your looking for.

Ruth6:11 · 06-05-2005, 06:56 AM

If you are not experiencing depressions or moodswings and have NEVER experienced a serious depression I would definitely question if you are bipolar at all.
Most of us have periods between the depression and manias where we feel pretty normal. But without medication the moodswings will always return - most times stronger than the last.

I don't think you would change anything if you took a look at one of the many lists of symptoms for Bipolar Disorder (along with how long these episodes normally occur - EVERYONE has these symptoms at some point - just not for such long periods). It might help you rule out this illness at least.

There are many different disorders out there and it would take a long time to check them all out - and of course none of us are doctors here!!
I have a feeling that a few sessions with a counselor would really help you focus in on some of your main issues of concern

Oh, and by the way, I've found that the Bipolar Disorder board is one of the most supportive ones here. Don't ever hesitate to stop in even if you aren't Bipolar!

Zbaby · 06-05-2005, 09:00 AM

Adrien - you could be BP and in denial, or you truly don't have depressions and you're something else. Something tells me you're the latter. Please follow Ruth's advice and get thee to a p-doc.

You sound like you have a larger-than-life persona that everyone buys into, yet you're very aware of your own faults, even when you're in denial that nothing's wrong. I've known several artists who exhibit symptoms like yours, maybe not all in the same person, but the elements are there. They tend to be prolific since they don't get much sleep anyway. Detachment in personal relationships allows you to delve more fully into life without boring responsibilities. Artists can be notorious flakes, too.

Please note that I'm not glamorizing your life, simply calling it as I see it. You're probably better off seeing a p-doc and getting a correct diagnosis. Also, there may be emotional issues that you're blocking, too. Until you address them, you might not realize your full potential at the height of health. And when you realize that you're happy with your state of being, it's likely that you'll still feel different from mainstream folks, even among the G&L crowd. That's okay, too. That's the artist's perspective -- the outsider questioning life.

You may not have BP, but you're still welcome to check in and give us updates. We celebrate diversity among misfits here

*music23* · 06-05-2005, 12:26 PM

We learned in psychology that there is, in fact, such thing as Manic Disorder. Just as some people are bipolar, and some people only have depression, some people only have manias. I assume it is rarer than both bipolar and major depression because I had never heard of it, but I've done a ton of research on mental illness. Maybe that's something you might want to look into.
Kristina