Picali

Hi Leo

I understand exactly where you're coming from as I've always felt the same myself and tend to give myself a hard time if I am not behaving like wonder-woman. It has taken me a long time to accept that what I do day-to-day (managing my illness and looking after my son) is a lot of work in itself and that it isn't always humanly possible to be all things to all people.

You are wise to take things very slowly - I've had three occassions where I've rushed back to work in an attempt to prove I'm 'well' again only to wind up back in hospital. It's not worth it. You need to do things gradually and see how well you cope and avoid making commitments wherever possible.

You might have considered these things already so apologies if I'm going over old ground; these are just a couple of things that have helped me out:

Could you study part-time instead of full-time? That way you could earn a bit of money at the same time - not ideal, but might help with the self-esteem and give you a bit more flexibility.

Do you have a skill that you can use for temporary work? I've found it useful in the past to sign with a temp agency and then just work when it suited me - maybe over college holidays or if the work load does tend to be light for a couple of weeks?

Does the college have any financial help for students in situations like yours? It might not be much but anything helps a little.

The only other thing I can think of is if you have any creative hobbies that might be profitable? Stories, poems, paintings, making cards, wood carving etc........I just have met a lot of people with mental health issues who use their creativity for a bit of extra cash - it's not a full time wage but if you have things you can maybe sell at craft fairs or on the internet it's a way of making money without putting yourself under too much pressure as you can just do it when you feel like it.

I hope something there helps. Be kind to yourself - you've got a nasty illness that is manageable but you've got to avoid stress to do that. I always think about the long and the short term gain - is making £150 now worth another six months too ill to work and no money coming in at all.

Good luck! We'll all be coming to you for psychoanalyisis now! Concentrate on being well and enjoying your studies. And maybe your family can reassure you that they're happy to help? Sometimes problems are in our heads more than other peoples' - they might just need to know your concerns?

Let us know how you're doing

Picali xx