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RiotGirl00 · 07-01-2005, 08:47 PM

I don't know what is wrong with me.
I have never really had that many emotional problems as a child. But recently I've become totally crazy.
Everyday my life just gets worse and I don't know what to do.
I can't control myself.

I cannot control my emotions.
One minute I'm really happy and everything is okay... Then the next (if a tiny thing goes wrong) it totally changes my mood.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 14 months, and have been through a whole lot of s***... But somehow we've managed to get through all of it.
Recently it's become really bad. We both try to be calm and rational with arguments, but it's only gotten worse.
He made me promise him that I wouldn't start arguments over stupid stuff for a week... and I couldn't do it.
I don't know what to do with myself because my emotions change so quickly. In a split second I can go from being the happiest person in the world, to being so depressed and anrgy that I just wanna die.

My boyfriend is constantly saying how he thinks I'm bipolar and that what I'm putting the both of us through is not normal (obviously).
He can't put up with it anymore... and honestly neither can I. I don't know what is wrong with me. I try so hard to control my emotions, but they take over and really stupid stuff happens.

Just yesterday we got into the biggest fight ever, over something totally stupid. So I fear I may have ruined this relationship for good.
My psyho emotions have totally ruined my life.
So I've spent my entire day today in bed crying and feeling like the most worthless human being.
...And after all this madness happenes, I look back and regeret so many things I've done and said... because I could have easily avoided everything.

Why can't I control my emotions at all?
What is wrong with me?
Could I possibly be bipolar and not know it?
I'm so afraid because I may have ruined the relationship that meant more to me than anything in the world. He's my best friend.. and now I may have lost that as well...
I constantly promise him and myself that I'll try my hardest not to be so horrible, but it doesn't work.

Picali · 07-02-2005, 04:59 AM

Hi there

There are lots of different reasons people have moodswings, some of which are more difficult to diagnose than others. Bi-polar is a possibility (there's a 'sticky' post that lists the symptoms - have a look and see how many you can identify with). There are also things like hormonal imbalances, food allergies (would you believe it?) and other disorders, so my advice would be to get to your doctor asap. Write down as much info as you can, explain anything specific you are worried about (ie that it might be bi-polar) and take it from there. It might take a long time to get to the bottom of, but they might be able to give you medication to keep you a little calmer whilst it's all going on.

Your boyfriend obviously thinks the world of you and my guess is if he can see you're looking for and getting help he'll hang on in there.

Let us know how you're getting on

Love Picali x

RiotGirl00 · 07-02-2005, 10:56 AM

Thanks!
I'll have to look through all the symptoms and probably go to a doctor at some point to finally take control over this madness.
And hopefully he hasn't given up on me.

Picali · 07-02-2005, 11:34 AM

Hi again

Just another thought - therapy really helped me because I'd created a coping mechanism (unknowingly) whereby I buried all my 'negative' emotions and was just this very mellow, never got angry, never got down kind of person. The repressed emotions would come through at odd times and I'd behave in a way that wasn't appropriate to the situation and act really 'mad'. I'm not saying this is the same for you, but it's something to bear in mind. I've 're-programmed' myself now and tend to get angry/upset/anxious nearer the occassion - there's still a delay but it's a delay of days or hours now rather than years, so it's easier to cope with!
The other thing that can help is 'losing' yourself in something creative - writing, painting, drawing, modelling, anything where you're tapping into your creative and producing something. The idea is that your creative side is more intune to your subconscious so you can 'express' stuff without even really knowing you're doing it. Might even be something you and your boyfriend can do together?
I have been exactly where you are now and it is the hardest place in the world, but don't give up. There are lots of things that can help, it's a question of trying them out and deciding which one's work for you, we're all different and what works for me won't necessarily work for someone else. Always trust your instincts as well - it's amazing how much they can tell you. If you get an inkling about something, go after it.

Let us know how you're doing

Picali xx

RiotGirl00 · 07-02-2005, 03:36 PM

I went to the Sticky and I seem to have a lot of those symtoms.
I tent to get insanely irrational at times for no reason, cry way too much, then get overly happy for like no reason at all.

I probably do have a problem and should go see a doctor soon.
Ever since we got into this huge fight he hasn't talked to me... which has been horrible. All I do is sit in bed, cry, and feel totally worthless.
I've been going over way too many things in my mind, it's driving me nuts. Sometimes I feel better and other times I feel like I just want everything to end.

Ugh, sucky.
But you're right. I do need to find a hobby... something I enjoy doing. I used to enjoy making art a whole lot. Now I don't feel motivated enough to do anything. I need an escape though... can't put myself through this anymore.

Hopefully he'll talk to me one of these days so I can figure out this whole thing... and start over, try controling myself better. The worst thing about it is that he was my best friend, my escape. I went to him with all my problems because he was always there, talked to me and listened to everything. Now that I don't have that it's really, really hard.
Hopefully I'll get it back.

Thanks!

Picali · 07-02-2005, 04:29 PM

My heart goes out to you right now.

Maybe write him a letter explaining how you feel, you're going to see a doc, get help etc - might be easier than talking and might help with the motivation? Or make him a little something? He'lll come round - he must love you to have stuck around this long - I doubt he'd want to throw in the towel just yet! Have you got girlfriends you can talk to about stuff when he's not around?

x

RiotGirl00 · 07-03-2005, 01:01 AM

Yep, I've talked to people... my sister as well who was a lot of help.
I guess other people think I have a problem too because of my terrible unexplainable moodswings.

But my boyfriend did come around today and talked a bit, but didn't help much because he wouldn't accept my apologies. So I went to his brother, who helped a lot with the situation.
His brother went to their house with me and I had to talk to the whole family... which was a total drag but at least I was civil enough to apologize to those people... because they would have never done it to me even though they haven't been exactly the nicest people to me either from the beginning.
I was "kicked out" of the house many times for no good reason.

It's a complicating situation. Their family is very screwed up... Mother having to raise 4 kids on her own since she was 18; father's an alcoholic, etc etc. Messed up stuff.

But yea.. I had to sit there and apologize and listen to them talk about some totally bogus stuff. But I didn't really bother arguing. I just accepted it since they're some very stubborn people.
Then I talked to my boyfriend and patched things up a bit.
It's getting better.
I hope things don't turn out that way between us. I'd hate to have a family with him only to have everything turn out the way it's been with them.

But yea, I told him pretty much everything.. how I feel about things, can't explain my feelings that are very hard to control, and that I need a lot of support from him since I don't have very many people around who are willing to sit and listen to me whine.
I guess even though there are some things that I don't like, I gotta put up with it. Life isn't perfect.. we all have stuff we don't like.

My sister suggested I go see someone soon. So I think I will be doing that with her help.
Thanks a lot, you've been a big help as well

.

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