Re: do you have anxiety/racing thoughts with bp?
So sorry to hear about your family background; I can understand completely your fears that you will head the same way and can identify with that.
I'm not completely sure about whether your lows are the agitation - I think a lot of people tend to be more one than the other - ie more depressive or more manic rather than evenly spaced. I most certainly experience the racing thoughts, to the extent sometimes that it feels like my head will explode and I can't keep up with them, often with horrible bouts of anxiety. Did they put you on anti-d's for the anxiety? Just wondered as you said depression wasn't a problem? Have heard that some anti-d's can exaggerate depressive symptoms in some people, although I don't know how true this is.
Anyway, to try and give you some reassurance, medication and support now is a lot better than it would have been for your mum and dad. What I'm trying to say is that it's now more feasible to have a 'normal' life with this condition - by this I mean they can get you stable, stop the racing thoughts and the mood swings and thereby make it possible for you to hold down a job, maintain a steady income etc - I guess some of the things it was hard for your dad to do? There's a lot more information now and a lot more awareness, plus boards like this where you can come and just vent if you need to - that helps because it makes you feel less alone.
Don't give up on yourself. It can take time to find the right meds, to get used to a diagnosis and to start thinking about yourself again rather than your illness, and being defined by it, but there is a lot of hope and there are loads of people on this board who will tell you that life with BP can be enjoyed and cherished (there are hellish times of course, but somehow they make the good times seem better - I'm not saying it's easy but most people on here will tell you they've been to hell and back and made it out the other side. There is hope).
I hope something in there is helpful. Let us know how you're doing
Love Picali x