You are sure not alone.
The brain runs on chemicals and chemical reactions. When they are wrong, our behavior is wrong - and it's not a matter of "choice".
Like any of us would "choose" our bizarre manic behavior or debilitating depressions????
Some people DO NOT understand that if the pancreas doesn't work right you have diabetes - and if the brain doesn't work right you have disorders like Bipolar.
It's why I'll never willingly step foot in the state of Texas (sorry to any Texans out there) who would condemn to death a woman who was medically psychotic.
The ignorance just appalls me.
I know this doesn't really help your situation - only getting your wife educated about brain disorders would - but wanted to tell you that you are NOT alone!!