While I have probably been bipolar for a very long time, I recently received the diagnosis (7-8 months ago). I believe it fits. But I am also still trying to understand whats going on with my various moods or if I am over-reacting or over-analyzing.
Lately, the last two weeks or so, I have been really feeling contrary. I seem to get angry easily and bite peoples heads off. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. But I am also depressed. I can easily recognize when I am depressed, but some of the other stuff I can't.
Well, the above sounds like I am a horrible person, but I really am not. I am just wondering what it sounds like to others.
The symptoms you listed sound like a pure mixed episode. A mixed episode is when somebody has symptoms of both mania and depression at the same time. They might feel irritable, restless, and as you said, "ready to explode," but simultaneously they feel down-heartened and possibly suicidal. It's a very confusing state because the mania is telling you that you have energy to use and you should be running around and doing something, but the depression just wants you to sit and do nothing, adding to the irritability. What medication(s) are you on? If you're on lithium, I'd go to the psychiatrist to possibly ask for a change. It's been proving that lithium works best for "pure" mania- that is, euphoric manias. It's usually the best for bipolar I. For bipolar II or any condition such as rapid cycling, few family members with BD, or mixed episodes, that may complicate the condition are usually best kept under control with medications such as Depakote or Tegretol.
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
Location: Minnesota, just moved from California where I lived my whole life.
I agree with gatsby, it sounds like a mixed episode. Those are the worst. Maybe you need a different mood stabilizer. Also, try and focus more on your surroundings, and your triggers. ~ I have to really avoid certain things, like crowds, We decided to skip the fourth of July celebration because I just knew I would be too agitated around so many people and loud noises. If I was on my mood stabilizer, I probably could have handled it, but I'm not on it right now for other health reasons.
Hang in there, let us know how things are going ~
Last edited by polarized13; 07-05-2005 at 10:45 AM.
As I told you, my BF experiences similar mood swings that you do. He has the mixed states but what's worse is that when you're already feeling the depression, you can get down about feeling all the emotions and it's just a vicious circle.
But to comment on you saying that it sounds like you're a bad person - do not let this illness define who you are. As I've told my BF, I do not love him despite the illness but that I love him for who he is and he just so happens to have BP. He is a very sensitive, caring, beautiful man. And I bet there are many people who can say the same for you.
A mood journal can be very helpful but it does require consistency and energy and my BF stopped doing it years ago because of that very reason. I even tried keeping one and it's just too much. But I do take alot of mental notes to watch for patterns and triggers. They are there and as you said, you are aware of some but not of others. Just when I think I've figured out patterns, a wrench gets thrown in and I'm left wondering what just happened. Give yourself a much needed break and try not to worry about how others view this - concentrate on yourself - you deserve it.
I love this forum. Its the only one I have found that is active and is specifically designed for people with bipolar. Thanks to everyone for their comments. I know my Psychiatrist told me to call him if I go manic. I am taking Lamictal but he said it really isn't an anti-manic drug. These episodes are really miserable. I had learned how to deal with the depression, well sort of, but this is the pits. I am going to see my Therapist tomarrow and I will tell her whats going on. I'll probably look like crap when I go, because I haven't been sleeping either.
At any rate, thanks for the input. Hopefully at some time I will be able to help someone else here.