I'm here at work and I'm trying not to be seen or noticed by anyone because I keep crying. Cant stop. When I'm by myself, I just cry. When I'm around someone who sees this and they ask me, I try to explain, but when they downplay it I flip out on them. My boss is looking at me funny because she knows I'm not doing anywork. But I dont know how I'm supposed to. My doctor recommended me going into the hospital due to my "tendencies" but I cant afford to miss any work because I need money for school my next semester. I dont want to go home because my Dad is bipolar himself and is on NO meds and it makes it worse for me to be around him while he's in a mood, which is always. I have no friends. My boyfriend neglects me. At this point I seem to hate everyone. I have a urinary tract infection which I refuse to get looked at because I dont want to go on antibiotics because they make me feel worse. Tomorrow I go in for a 3hour psych evaluation with a new doctor. Next Friday too. I dont know what to do. I want to disappear.
"All credibility, all good conscience, all evidence of truth come only from the senses."
Honey, disappearing is not an option. But urinary tract infections are can be serious, you really should get that taken care of. I have been where you are, hiding crying at work is never easy. Is it possible you could get involved in an outpatient program so you work through this and still work? Try calling your doctor back and demanding an alternative option. Keep in mind it's a mood swing. It will pass. Just hang in there.
In haven't failed! I've accomplished much. I just found a lot ways that don't work . . . yet.
A few days off with a doctor's note "for medical reasons" can give you a few days rest...better than the boss coming down on you. I've lately found it better to have a few days off than get fired. Doc always gives me a note if I ask. Also worked in uni, got extensions as needed. As for your old man, I think I've got a similar problem...forced back home, and I see the old me in him a lot! Mother, who has gone to a MDA support group with me sure notices his swings now.
Saying good luck sounds really crass, but I don't know what else to say...not very good with emotional stuff.
Your health comes first! Get a doctor's note for a few "mental health" days, go to the doc and get your urinary tract infection checked, and go easy on yourself about not "keeping it together." You can try to manage it, but the fact that these problems exist is not your fault and no indicator of your worth as a person.
When I'm in that depressed and crying for no good reason state, I don't function well and blame myself for having serious personality flaws. It's hard to feel good about yourself when you feel like you can't do anything right. I know it's difficult, but remember all that you've accomplished and the positive things in your life. Make a list if you have to and keep it in a safe place so you can refer to it. You've done well on numerous occasions in the past, you'll do well in the future. All you've got to do is make it through each day until the low mood swing passes. And I can guarantee that it will pass, so keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.
I agree too that your health come first and if you can, get a note from your doc and take a few days for you.
I have gone through some major depressions in the past and looking back, it is hard to feel good about yourself at the time. I agree with Zbaby though, remember all that you have accomplished!
Please do get your infection checked. Sometimes those ABs can make you feel worse for a bit, but once that infection is gone, you'll feel a lot better I bet.