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reesie · 07-13-2005, 11:52 AM

I cannot keep my head up. I feel like falling over onto my desk and sleeping forever. I don't know if this due to my wacky sleep schedule (dificulty falling asleep at a decent time at night, but great ability to sleep during daytime). I'm going to be at work until 8pm tonight, I'm startinng to wonder if I'll even make it that long.

Anyway, if happier news I have a new Pdoc who seems happy to treat my depression (unlike my last pdoc) and is even addressing my semi-frequent headaches. She kept me on seroquel though (much to my dismay, I'm tired of the weight gain from this stuff and high does of it have caused me problems in the past). She is inching my does up gradually to try and find the right one. She kept me on klonopin but wants me to take sparingly due to my family history of addiction. (Can anyone explain to me why a family relatives with addiction problems puts you at risk?) She added paxil (I took this long ago without a mood stabilizer pre-diagnosis and lost a lot of weight on it) and topamax for the headaches. Does topamax have a purpose outside of headaches I forgot to ask her.

Let's cross our fingers that this doctor will be the good one. She seems nice. But suspect she can be scary if she wants to be. Plus her office is nicer than my last pdoc, too.

Zbaby · 07-13-2005, 01:12 PM

I'm not familiar with all the drugs you mentioned, but is any one of them a mood stabilizer. Just thought I'd ask. The first thing my docs did was try to find the right stabilizer, then they began tinkering with the ADs.

Congrats on the new doc. It sounds like you've met someone who will be straight with you. I'd rather deal with someone who has a latent scary edge to them than a *****cat who will nod you to death and insist that you do all the talking.

reesie · 07-13-2005, 02:08 PM

Seroquel is an atypical antipsychotic (primarily used for schizoprhenia) that is often used as a mood stabilizer or an anti-mania agent at the very least. For the longest I've basically been on seroquel monotherapy and found that at high doses I had no mania with lots of depression, at low doses I had semi-frequent mild-mild manias (really just hyperactivity) also with lots of depression. So you can see why I call it an anti-mania agent versus a mood stabilizer.

Zbaby · 07-13-2005, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reesie

Seroquel is an atypical antipsychotic (primarily used for schizoprhenia) that is often used as a mood stabilizer or an anti-mania agent at the very least. For the longest I've basically been on seroquel monotherapy and found that at high doses I had no mania with lots of depression, at low doses I had semi-frequent mild-mild manias (really just hyperactivity) also with lots of depression. So you can see why I call it an anti-mania agent versus a mood stabilizer.

Wow! A former p-doc had suggested seroquel, but I was given the impression it was for treating insomnia. He was recommending it in addition to my lamictal. Are you normally more manic than depressed?

reesie · 07-13-2005, 04:05 PM

I'm not sure. I would say more depressed than manic since I'm always depressed but that is while taking the seroquel. When I was first diagnosed I had essentially not slept a decent half a night in 4-5 months, I cycled a lot but was irritable-hyper-manic a good deal of the time. When I don't take my seroquel dose I stay awake all night and flip to hyperactivity the next day like clockwork. I really wonder which one I learn towards. Maybe there is some equality if I weren't medicated.

I've heard people say they were given seroquel for sleep only and I find that a little scary given its other properties. But it certainly would work for that though. It has a strong sedative property, you will sleep until next tuesday. I started out on 400mg and slept 14-16 hours daily without trying. And I'm talking the immediate deep sleep where you don't move or wake up kind of sleep. I once took my dose and then got caught on the telephone. While on the phone I tend to lie on a step of my stairwell with my feet curled under me on the step above, it's a hard to explain but just know it is a weird yoga like position that requires balance. I don't remember the end of the phone conversation but I woke up 12 hours later in the same position. The slightest of movements would have sent me rolling down the stairs (like the telephone I dropped) That is how strong the stuff can be.

goofyafter2 · 07-14-2005, 02:27 AM

Hi Reesie! Just wanted to say that I am glad you found a new pdoc. I hope you can get your med situation straightened out. It is so frustrating. Good luck!

terrienne · 07-14-2005, 05:11 PM

Hi Reesie !

How are you ? Well, I guess you are better since you have found a new
Doctor. That is always a good thing.

I am totally confused about my Doctor's appointment on Monday...,
I will tell you about it later, only if you want to hear it, okay ?

I guess you will know how I feel, if you read my last Thread !

Sorry I have been out of touch, I hope you do understand.
Things have just been out of whack lately.

Please let me hear from you, whenever you get a chance, okay ?

Take Care, GF...,
Gee Gee

reesie · 07-14-2005, 07:09 PM

Hey Gee Gee
Thanks for stopping in. 2 days on paxil and oI've already been told I'm acting better. Now that I've taken the huge step of changing pdocs now my mind is racing with the thought of changing again. Just a run down of my recent chaos: I'm getting ready to leave one job assignment for another within the company starting Monday and I just got a call from a consultant firm that wants to consider me for a contract job in Philly! (I'm in Texas now) It sounds interesting but of course medical benefits are the long pole in the tent because my needs are way more expensive than average 25 yr old. The changes! The Changes! Ch - Ch -Changes!

But oh how I would like to feel young and jet set the country with a career a CONSULTANT versus my current career as a CRYBABY

Zbaby · 07-15-2005, 09:02 AM

You're awesome, Reesie! No one's ever tried to recruit me for a job but, then again, I've never been in an industry long enough to get to consultant level.

Yeah, benefits are a big sticking point. Cobra for me is over $550, and that's only one person

My advice: check out the new assignment -- might be nicer than you think. Then, after you've been there for a bit (at least 2 weeks), rethink your options. Make sure you're in a stable mental zone when you consider life-changing possibilities. Oh, and do some number crunching to see what's financially feasible.

Thankfully you've got positive changes and opportunities, and it's nice to hear that Paxil's working out. Keep us posted. I'm very excited and happy for you. Actually, if I were in your place and happy with the new post, I'd stay put. Changing jobs and cities all at once can send a person over the edge -- like it did with me. But, if you've got friends/relatives in Texas, that might smooth the transition. So much to ponder!

reesie · 07-18-2005, 02:34 PM

Thanks Z. I'm not so sure that I'm awesome, but I might look good on paper. I've been crunching the numbers and one on my meds full cost is well above the monthly lump sum medical benefit allowance. factor in the fact that living expenses are paid for and *if* I can rent my house I'll have mortgage money to use in med expenses and I'll be covered. But it isn't much to think about at the moment because I haven't been offered the job and aren't likely to be. During the phone interview I got the feeling that they really wanted someone above my skill level but were hoping I could learn fast. Oh well maybe the consultant firm will have other companies to pitch me too with deeper pockets I can negotiate better med coverage for. To tell the truth I have really kick@$$ med benefits plus pension where I am.

Soniarose59 · 07-19-2005, 05:19 PM

Reesie, Topamax is also a mood stabilizer for BPs. I'm glad things are going your way!

polarized13 · 07-19-2005, 07:20 PM

Hi Reesie,

I just wanted to say hi, and wish you luck with your new p-doc, and new meds and all. I really hope this all works out for you, it seems like you have been struggling for so long. Please let us know how things go...

take care,

~~heather~~

reesie · 07-20-2005, 05:44 PM

Thanks Heather

reesie · 07-26-2005, 11:44 AM

I don't know what is going on. Really I don't. All I know is that everything is weird and I'm on a lot of drugs. Quick recap: new med regime = morn, paxil and klonopin; night, klonopin and seroquel and topamax. Weirdness: can sleep the day away (not much change there) except this time I drag into work at noon or 1pm versus 9am or 10 like I used to. And I know I'm fighting to wake up cause I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my fists so hard I leave fingernail marks that are about to draw blood. Once I get to work reading is very hard, I keep loosing focus, until 2 or 3 hours have passed. (I just started a new job assignment there is nothing for me to do but read) I spend my weekends in bed. I don't get dressed, don't leave the house, just stay in bed and listen to music and it feels great. I've stopped eating. I have no appetite nor am I hungry. When I am hungry two bites of very light food settles that. In fact the thought and sight of most food makes me feel ill. Not eating makes me feel ill. Eating makes me feel ill. It's a vicious circle. I've lost ten pounds in 6 days! But I drink a ton of water because I'm always thirsty. But I still weight 200 pounds so I'm not particularly worried about this sudden weight loss. I had the food thing happen with paxil before but not quite like this. Back then I at least didn't feel sick when I ate. I'm not really sure what topamax is contributing to this mess. I'm also rather tired most of the time too. Must be why I enjoy being in bed so much. Any ideas?

-Reesie

terrienne · 07-27-2005, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reesie

I don't know what is going on. Really I don't. All I know is that everything is weird and I'm on a lot of drugs. Quick recap: new med regime = morn, paxil and klonopin; night, klonopin and seroquel and topamax. Weirdness: can sleep the day away (not much change there) except this time I drag into work at noon or 1pm versus 9am or 10 like I used to. And I know I'm fighting to wake up cause I'm grinding my teeth and clenching my fists so hard I leave fingernail marks that are about to draw blood. Once I get to work reading is very hard, I keep loosing focus, until 2 or 3 hours have passed. (I just started a new job assignment there is nothing for me to do but read) I spend my weekends in bed. I don't get dressed, don't leave the house, just stay in bed and listen to music and it feels great. I've stopped eating. I have no appetite nor am I hungry. When I am hungry two bites of very light food settles that. In fact the thought and sight of most food makes me feel ill. Not eating makes me feel ill. Eating makes me feel ill. It's a vicious circle. I've lost ten pounds in 6 days! But I drink a ton of water because I'm always thirsty. But I still weight 200 pounds so I'm not particularly worried about this sudden weight loss. I had the food thing happen with paxil before but not quite like this. Back then I at least didn't feel sick when I ate. I'm not really sure what topamax is contributing to this mess. I'm also rather tired most of the time too. Must be why I enjoy being in bed so much. Any ideas?

-Reesie

From Gee Gee, Hi ! Reesie !

I am so glad to hear that you like your new BP Doc !
AND, that you ARE on a mood stableizer ! I am not familiar with Topamax,
but I am sure that it is important to be taking a med., like
this one, as well as the other meds., you are taking.

I have am taking Seroquel, and I have been taking it for years.
I am currently cutting back on all of my meds., and Seroquel is one of them.
I have learned that it doesn't take much for me..., maybe it's the fact that
I have been on Meds., for twenty years...,
(Seroquel IS a sedative type med., though.)

Another reason that I am cutting down on my Depressants, is that I have
some pretty serious health problems, that cause me to have ...,
' Chronic Fatigue Syndrome ' ! So, I am in bed a lot, anyway !
There's no doubt....., I could NOT be in a, ' having to go to work situation.'
I am under less stress than I ever have been in my life !!!
And, My Kids say that my GH spoils me ! But, that's OK, since I worked my
butt off to help raise our four Kids !!!

I am so glad to hear that you like your new BP Doctor ! I think this is a
definate PLUS, that we have one we can trust, AND as Zbaby says..,
having one who will listen to US, is so important, don't you think ?

WOW ! Do I ever relate to you about staying in bed !
Today, I have been in ' Migraine City ! ' (Still am, really !)

Speaking of being in bed a lot, my GH is on a fishing trip ! I am so enjoying
my ' peace and quiet ' !
Our Kids and Grands., live just the RIGHT distance away...,
I know, I am bad...,
I Love ALL of them Dearly, but I have to have my space...,

You asked, ' Any ideas ' ! I guess whatever the reason is, it seems ok to me
for you to stay in bed some !
One thing you can do, is do a SEARCH, and find out about some of these
meds., you are taking..., Is that a good idea ? Please let me know, okay ?

You Take Care, and let me hear from you..,

Gee Gee

Bop · 07-27-2005, 05:58 PM

reesie, My father is a recovering alcoholic / retired abuse counselor. His best explanation for why family of members of addicts should be careful is that because family members share similar chemical make ups. Physical dependencies are chemical imbalances which give you urges to seek out endorphin rushes. From personal experience I know I HAVE to be careful when it comes to any type of drug that gives me any kind of rush. Looking back my addictive behavior was obvious when I was 12 years old and playing with Anbesol for fun. Whether you want to attribute that to BP or family history is up to you, but I'm gonna do my best to play it safe.

reesie · 07-28-2005, 02:54 PM

I remember anbesol, that was seriously cool stuff, I was fascinated by it. I couldn't go to bed with it. Oooh, insight! I see your point. Duly noted, I have to watch myself. Right now though I seem to be addicted to SLEEP. Today I woke up at 2pm! I also increased my topamax dose yesterday. Coincidence? I think not. I don't even remember hearing the alarm or turning it off or anything. Nothing. Just waking up at 2. I have the worst work arrival history ever. I missed an important meeting and have had to reschedule it twice! I've also had to make assurances that I can keep this appointment that aren't truthful. How do you tell someone "I promise to try to be there but I'm not really sure"

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