She's been on medication and had ECT so hasn't been manic for many years, like 10. And now she is again. I knew her medicine wasn't working because she has been depressed for a long time. But now she's manic and I'm terrified I don't know what to do. How to talk to her, or just stay away from her? She has this wild look in her eye and it makes me so upset. I've been in therapy dealing with her illness and how it's effected me and I'm trying to keep myself under control and not hurt her feelings or send her spiraling down but she's acting so different. What am I supposed to do
You need to get help for you, first and foremost sweetie, and then worry about your mum. What's the situation, do you live at home, are you at school, working (sorry it didn't say what age you are). Is your mum being treated at the moment, are the docs aware of what's going on? Is it just you or are there other people around? I'd call anyone you know that might be able to help out (friends and family) and if your mum isn't being treated I'd call the doc or even an ambulance it that's quicker. This isn't something you can deal with on your own and you shouldn't have to. In the meantime, try and remember that your mum loves you, and this illness isn't really her, it's just the way her brain is when she's poorly. Underneath she's still there and you'll get her back just as soon as the chemicals in her brain are under control. Don't try and do this on your own, get as much help as you can and let us know how things are going. You need to remember that your mum won't see things 'normally' when she's manic, so try not to think about doing the right thing, it's very hard to get it right when somebody's seeing things differently to everybody else. Make sure you're okay, get friends and family around if there are any and get the professionals involved asap.
Thanks Picali. I'm a college student and I live at home, but when my mom gets sick like this I turn into the 10 year old I was when she had her first breakdown. I ended up calling my therapist because of the fear of sending her shooting down. He told me to call my dad at work and let him know what my mom was doing, and told me to stay away from my mom so I wouldn't set her off. Our family has NO communication whatsoever so I ended up emailing my dad at work (sad that I don't feel like I can call my own dad) and he came home early. I guess he gave her some zyprexa or something because she seems to be settled down for the night and she sees her doctor on Monday so hopefully things will get fixed again.
I just wish they would tell us kids what the *@&@ is going on with her medication etc. Now we all get to look forward to the change of her meds. thanks for your help and advice.
Hang in there sweetie must be really tough for you. There are always people here you can talk to, so post as often as you want. Your therapist gave good advice. You'll get through this; we're all a lot stronger than we realise. Let us know how it's going. xx
well she's calmed down for now, but I can still tell if she wasn't on medication that she would be manic. It's just hard, it's like having a little sister instead of a mom and right now I'm doing a lot in therapy myself and it takes so much out of me emotionally and physically, this on top of it just doesn't help. I ended up cutting on friday and I was doing so good I went 10 weeks. It's just too much right now to have her like this. I'm afraid to even look at her in fear I'll set her off. I wish I had a mom to depend on right now or ever actually. It just brings back the whole "she has enough problems she doesn't need mine" which doesn't help me at all because then I hold all my feelings in and start cutting and arg. I don't know what I'm going to do. Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow. Too bad it's only 1 hour and not 12.
I don't want to discourage other bipolar parents, circumstances are different and in my family there is no communication. The only time you get talked too or cared about is when you are really hurt or really sick in this house. Or the youngest kid (which is a whole story in himself) It just breaks my heart. My mom has cried to me before and said sorry for being such a bad mom, then she will yell at me for being such a bad kid, then cry and try to hug me and ugh. I know she tries her hardest to be a great mom I know she does. And I don't want to hold her responsible for how I feel so I blame myself.
Yes there's lots of things my parents could have and could be doing different that would help me but they have enough stress already they don't need mine. I feel guilty even writing this post because I know if my mother were to read it she would be either very angry at me or very hurt and I don't want her to be either! I just want her to understand why I act the way the do toward her when she is like this. But I could never tell her any of this. Never.
Ugh sorry this is so long and blah there's just NOBODY here for me. I have no friends since I've always been a nanny and you can't talk to little kids about these kind of things. I started college in hopes to get some friends but nobody in my classes even talk to eachother so much for that. I have a few friends from the internet but they've about had it with me. I'm so desperate for love and attention sometimes I feel like I'm going to die. This week has been especially hard.
My mom is convinced that my antidepressants aren't working but I don't think this depression is chemical. I have a lot to be depressed about. My boyfriend of 3 years who was practically engaged to me broke up with me out of the blue, I got way to overwhelmed at my last nanny job and had to quit for my own sanity, now I'm living off of a school loan digging my *** into debt. This psychotherapy is taking SOOO much out of me physically and emotionally that it's hard for me to have the energy during the day to socialize let alone hold a job. Knowing that I'm living off of a loan and not working and can't emotionally deal with a job right now makes me feel even worse and worthless.
*sigh* Sorry for this whole stupid long thing. I guess I'm done with it.
Sweetie, you need to go and see a doctor and get some more help. You are doing way too much on your own and you are completely right - at times like these someone needs to be looking after you and no-one is doing that right now. Therapy can (and is) very draining. I know it's really tough, but try not to give yourself a hard time about everything else at the moment - your mum, your family, the work and money situation etc. You need to concentrate on yourself for the time being. I know it's really hard when you're used to 'caring' (voice of experience here!) but you've got to get your own needs sorted out. Something that's helped me in the past is to make a list of everything I'm unhappy about, then put it in order of importance, and then try and figure out if there's anything you can do to improve it. For example, seeing a doctor to see if there's more that can be done might help (although it may take some time). Something like going for a walk when you feel bad about your mum can help a little by taking you out of the situation for a while. I don't know if anything like that will help (or you might be doing all of that already). I know that what you really need at the moment is someone to give you a big hug and just take over.
Vent back as often as you like - there's always someone about. Here's a hug in the meantime - sorry it's not the real thing.
Thanks, yesterday was especially hard and I feel like a complete freak for what I've had to do to comfort myself. My whole life especially as a kid I never had anybody to depend on emotionally since I wasn't going to bother my parents with my problems, they had their own. That's one of the things I've been working on in therapy is dealing with that emotional abandonment and my mom going manic again just wasn't the perfect timing.
I've just started doing some weird things to make myself calm down and I feel totally stupid but they are the only things that work. I've done lots of relaxation, breathing, coloring, drawing, but sometimes when it's really bad I have to rock myself and close my eyes and pretend I'm a little baby and my mom is rocking me or I'll write some bogus story and place myself in some fantasy life, and if it gets really really bad and NOTHING else works I end up cutting. Yesterday was horrible and I ended up cutting pretty bad after my 10 week streak of no cutting and took some of my migraine meds that knock me out and after that I could relax and got some rest.
I'm just glad I have therapy this morning. I get so desperate for love and attention from a parent sometimes I think I'm going to die. I want to throw myself in the road infront of stores and scream for just anybody. Just anybody come hold me and rock me and tell me it's ok. But then I have to remind myself that I'm an adult now and these feelings are feelings I should have had 15+ years ago and it's just therapy bringing them up.
Sometimes I want to hurt myself just so I can go to the doctor and feel like I'm cared about by the doctor or nurse fixing me up. I wish I could talk to my parents about it but I have no idea how my mom would take it and I don't want to find out. And if I told my dad he would just go tell my mom and she'd end up either mad "YOU HAD A PERFECT CHILDHOOD" or so upset she wants to kill herself "I'm such a horrible mom!" and that's just going to add to my problems. So here I am on healthboards making a big scene
You make a scene on here as often as you need to. What you are explaining is almost exactly the same as my situation was - my parents were never there for me, they were always too busy with their own problems and that has never changed. I have had years of therapy, I've done (and still do) the relaxation, the deep breathing, the art therapy, the 'inner child' regression (where you visualise yourself as a child and then imagine your mum being the way you would have liked her to be). I have come to so many points where I couldn't stand it anymore and physically ached to be held by someone and have someone take care of me. I've abused drugs and alcohol for years, cut whenever I needed to (like you, sometimes all the other stuff wasn't enough and I had to cut just to get rid of the feelings). The reason I'm telling you all of this is because I'm really and truly finally through it all. I do get upset sometimes that my mum's never there for me, but it's quite momentary now. It doesn't rule my life like it used to and it certainly doesn't bother me like it used to. I told my mum that my step-dad had abused me when I was younger (I was 28 when I told her) and she just laughed and told me not to be so stupid. I truly thought my head was going to explode; to this day I can't put into words how that made me feel and the only reason I didn't kill myself that time was because I was pregnant and I couldn't harm the baby. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS SUBWAY. I'm living proof that you can go through it and come out the other side. It's a long process (I've been in therapy for six years now (on and off). I've been in hospital three times, on meds for I don't know how long in total, but I am finally starting to feel 'normal'. I deal with my emotions as they arise now - some things still get me but I can handle it - I know what to do now. Be as sweet and kind and loving and caring to yourself now as you wish your parents had been when you were little. That little girl is still inside you and you can look after her now the way you wanted her to be looked after. Do all the relaxation and breathing and other stuff - anything that helps, even if only a tiny bit. Vent on here as often as you can. Are there any support groups in your area? That can help. I've found it difficult to make friends in the past because I've been so guarded - I found it hard to let my emotions through, good or bad,and so it was difficult to relate to people. That's slowly going, and I find it much easier to be with people now and really open up to them. It will come, I promise you.
Sorry for waffling! I really feel for you at the minute.