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Old 07-15-2005, 11:53 AM   #1
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MikeysWifey0316 HB User
Why do I have to have it....

There is this purse. I found it this week. I like it a lot, and I want it so bad. We are trying to pay bills off, and are trying to save money, so this is a sore spot with my husband. The thing is, I am addicted to purses. Seems so strange. I have lots of them (like maybe 30 or so) and there are 3 or 4 that I carry. Then I found this other one this week... and I can't get it off my mind. Is this obsessive or what? I've been depressed... so I guess that might be part of it. But, I've had some (what I would call) hypomania too... so maybe that is it? I just don't know what to do. My husband really stresses over money (that is a whole nother story and anxiety trigger for me) and he seems so mad that I want to buy things like this. I just feel so super guilty because I know I don't need it! Does anyone else who suffers with BP or depression have problems like this? The whole purse thing is a joke most of the time with my family, but it is starting to bother me. I know that I will never really find one that I'm happy with... Ugh. This is just getting annoying.
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A positive attitude wonít solve your probs, but it will annoy enough people to be worth the effort.

 
Old 07-15-2005, 05:28 PM   #2
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Zbaby HB User
Re: Why do I have to have it....

Don't have a specific material obsession, but I do find that I am addicted to sales. I'm infamous for scouring the clearance racks and buying clothes or gadgets that I might not really need but feel compelled to own. My hubby is much like your hubby -- a bit of a tightwad. He's like that for good reason, as I am currently unemployed, and he helped me develop the discipline to pay off some major credit card debt while we were dating/living together.

One unofficial rule of mine is to call DH when I think I'll spend more than $50 in one purchase and/or in one day. Sometimes he talks me out of it (and rightfully so), and sometimes he agrees with me and thinks I should spend the money. It helps to remind me that we SHARE money, so we need to consult with each other when questionable purchases are being considered. My marital harmony is more valuable than any fabulous buy I might find, no matter how tempting. This is one way we keep my hypomanic shopping trips in check.

Some of my spending habits stem from a need to assert my independence. I don't like having to answer to my husband and engaging in one of those talks, but I keep reminding myself of all the ways he has changed and compromised to make our relationship work.

Of course, it's all easier said than done. In the end, it's a matter of weighing the financial AND emotional cost when you get trigger happy with the credit card. Do what I do with my 19 month-old son -- redirect your attention to something meaningful, like obsessing over one of the various house projects that never get done. Can't even tell you how many years-worth of photos I've got ready to be placed in albums

 
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Old 07-15-2005, 10:03 PM   #3
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MikeysWifey0316 HB User
Re: Why do I have to have it....

Thanks Z. I keep trying. I think the reason the whole purse obsession bothers me is because I do end up feeling like I'm "answering to my husband"... which is hard for me for some reason. Its weird. I want him to be the one that does our budget. I want to go to him for help and guidance on purchases and stuff. Because the money thing is his strength. (which is funny because my job is balancing accounts at a hospital... lol) Ugh. I don't know. I think the thing that is getting to me most is that some days I feel like he doesn't believe me when I tell him I don't have any control of the way I feel and things that I want to do. I know logically that it isn't because he doesn't belive me, but more because he just doesn't understand what its like. But still. Sorry, I'm rambling. But it's late, and I'm tired, so making sense is hard. haha I guess its a bunch of things rolled into one.
I'm tired of my brain working against me.
I'm tired of feeling like I can't buy things I want.
I'm tired of wanting to buy things I know I don't need.
I'm tired of being alone in this fight. (which I really feel like I am)
I'm tired of being tired. (thats a big one)
I'm tired of being afraid that my husband is mad at me. I don't want to upset him, I guess because he is my best friend. I seem to have pushed away any other friends I've had, so I don't want to lose him. That and the fact that I feel like he should not want to be with me. I drive myself crazy. If I could get away from me, I could. Know what I mean? It's just too much right now. Has been for the last few days. It feels like the emotions just build and build til they just burst.
Mostly I'm just super tired of feeling so damn alone. Thank goodness I found this place...
One more thing, why is it that I feel worse since I've figured out what is probably wrong with me? Why is it that the more that I research, the sicker I feel? Sometimes I wonder if I just ignored it all, would it go away? Just something to ponder.
Love Ya'll and have a good night/weekend.
__________________
A positive attitude wonít solve your probs, but it will annoy enough people to be worth the effort.

 
Old 07-16-2005, 05:23 PM   #4
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JustDave4now HB User
Re: Why do I have to have it....

Hmmmm tough problem..

One of the things in Mania is that we lack common sense to make decesions, we buy at the spur of the moment, on a wim, and then regret it latter. I know your pain, and I also know what it is like to want something really bad.

I also understands your husbands fustration, with all the purses you do have, and I am sure he loves you and tries to humor you about it.

Sounds like what you need here is a middle ground..

You might want to offer a truce, me and my wife does that, we both get 50 dollars a week for personal needs, no matter what the bills put aside. Now if we wants something, we have to save our 50's until we have enough of them, so sometimes it takes several weeks, but in the end we get what we desire.

If you try and stop yourself from ever being able to get things for yourself, then you will become resentful to each other. By offering him the same amount of money, then he can spend it on things he wants and you spend on things you want. Whats nice about this, is you need to save, so it makes you think about your purchases.

Just an idea...

 
Old 07-16-2005, 06:30 PM   #5
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Location: Naples,FL
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twoeyez HB Usertwoeyez HB User
Smile Re: Why do I have to have it....

M-----Wifey---- :

In all due respect,'Wifey',I know how you "feel".

Somewhere in my past,I ask all the same questions you have asked.
I'm tired of ----
And then I got no answers.
So, I said "Ya but ------"
And that did not help me "feel" any better.either.
So,I said to myself,Ya but --- again.
And no one answered.
But---Ya.I "felt" a lot better, because I wrote it all down.
And,may be, that's what made me "feel" better.
Perhaps,we don't need to ask the"why's"any more.
Because,why,never seems to lead to an answer.
If ---I feel ---I need to get away from me,
Then, I will never know if I can be Stable,
In my "Life".

You and only You are what is 'Important'

EYESTWO22

 
Old 07-16-2005, 06:42 PM   #6
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Zbaby HB User
Re: Why do I have to have it....

MW - Here's a funny thought -- what good is a purse if you don't have any money in it?

 
Old 07-18-2005, 09:01 AM   #7
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Join Date: May 2005
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MikeysWifey0316 HB User
Re: Why do I have to have it....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zbaby
MW - Here's a funny thought -- what good is a purse if you don't have any money in it?
hahaha good one Z. Mikey has tried that one on me too!!! I did end up getting it yesterday. But, I promised my husband no more for 4 months... (that was the length of time we came up with. haha) So we'll see. But, after the bad day I had Saturday, I figured I deserved it just for coming out alive... Don't know if you saw my other post "Today I lost it"... that is my sad story about my big depressive/manic explosion on Saturday. It was bad. The worst I remember having. I got all of the FMLA papers faxed to my doc today. Her nurse said to send them and she would fill them out. Which, is good because if what happened to me Saturday ever happened through the week, I'd be toast. No way could I be at work.
__________________
A positive attitude wonít solve your probs, but it will annoy enough people to be worth the effort.

 
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