is paranoia part of Bipolar - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

arenner · 07-25-2005, 06:35 PM

Hi, I am new here. I am just wondering a few things. I have major depressive disorder and GAD but my drug and alchohol counsellor mentioned that he thinks I have bipolar. I was addicted to pills for a while. He said I was self medicating to try to calm myself down.

I have gone through periods where my anxiety is way out of control. For example: I thought I had aids for about 5 years, even before I had sex. I always think I have cancer or some dreaded disease, I went through a period where I thought the world was coming to end very soon, once I swear the sun was falling from the sky.

Another thing I am hypervigelent about certain things. When i was in college I had to get straight A's or I felt I had failed. I would neglect my family just study constantly, I was obsessed and I mean obsessed with genealogy to the point I would spend most hours of the day researching on the computer. Now its mahjong that I play constantly. I always have to try to beat my previous time and keep trying until I do.

The thing about my obsessions is that they eventually burn me out and thats when I get depressed. Could the obsessions be the manic phase? I also get extremely agitated. I once threw a knife at my husband and once a plate of spagetti. I feel I am soo out of control when that happens and soo guilty after I calm down. I honestly feel though that I cant control myself when I am like that.

I am taking seroquel that my doctor prescribed for when I was going off the pills. However even though I am clean for over a month I still take it because it seems to make me more level, less mood swings.

Can mood swings change so fast with BP? They sometimes change several times a day. Not so much now though because of the seroquel. The only thing about the seroquel is that I feel sort of depressed and flat. Not exactly depressed but not exactly normal. I cant describe it. I also am taking Busperone and celexa. The celexa does not seem to be doing anything although the doctor says it is I just dont notice it.

Just filed bankrupsy last week because of my poor spending habits. They are better now but only because we dont have anything to spend. The other day I felt myself pulled towards the casino and before I new it I spent 40 bucks. I left feeling really depressed because its not like we have a lot of money right now. For some reason I thought I could win lots of money but of course I did not!

Sorry for rambling, thanks in advance for any help!

kimber lee · 07-26-2005, 03:57 AM

ihave lots of answers for you.i need toi ask you some questions though if you dont mind, what kind of pills were you hooked on, Speed? did you do meth? how lonng have you been sober and lastley how old are you if you dont mind answering these questions id really like to help. you seem honest and nice,write back, kimber lee

keystone206 · 07-26-2005, 06:11 AM

Arenner
I too get paranoid and it usually ties in to when I am going through some sort of anxiety. I can't explain it.
I can also become addicted to a subject and lose the day researching it on the net. My deal was antiques and I filled a note book with what I found. Recently it has become an on line game obsession....
I don't tend to go on spending sprees, but I have a really hard time paying my bills. Even if there is money in the bank to do so. I put it off so long that I start to get calls about it. Then I am paranoid!
Sorry that I don't have any advice, but I see so many similararities.

GatsbyLuvr1920 · 07-26-2005, 06:25 AM

It sounds to me like you have rapid cycling bipolar disorder and a possible case of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It's not uncommon to have both- OCD and bipolar disorder often occur together in comorbidity. I'm not bipolar, but I do have OCD, and the stuff you said about freaking out about grades and having to research stuff on the Internet for hours and hours describes me perfectly! Oh, and the MahJong thing- guess who has to play Spider Solitaire until they win at least one game, which can take hours?! LOL!

-GatsbyLuvr1920-

babygrl1337 · 07-26-2005, 05:43 PM

I was addicted to alot of things about 3 years ago. I think that you obsess over these things because it replaces the drugs and when you obsess you don't think about the cravings. I know where your coming from. I've only been bipor 1 for about two years and I think the drugs changed everything about me but about the OCD thing the doc told me i had it to but i was obsessing over things that ran through my head. Does that make sense? I am not on anything for OCD cause i dont think that mine is that extreme. Just wanted to let you know that someone else has been an addict and accomplished most things i wanted to and you can to!!!!