Hello everyone. I am somewhat new so bare with me please.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar II in March. At that time I immediately started taking *that one drug that needs the blood tests* (please fill in the blank for me I forget). Anyway I stopped taking it about a month later due to a feeling of constant hangover and inability to verbalize like I had been able to before.
I started taking Trileptal and Trazedone recently and everything had been getting better up until last night. (Disclaimer: I was sexually abused as a child which contributes a lot to my depression and antisocial behavior).
last night was one of those nights. It started off with the pretremors of a migraine. My fiance knew my head was hurting and when I sat down with her to watch TV, she put her hand to close to 'that area'. I immmediately jumped and in a raised but submissive voice said 'no no no'. Years together and she still doesn't understand what those words mean and how to help me when I am having sexual discomfort. Anyway, she presisted so I just went to bed and asked to be left alone. (I took my trazedone about an hour before this. I always take it early so that I have a little extra time to get it out of my system before work in the morning) Rather then leaving me be to go to sleep, she came in and kept talking and asking what was wrong with me. I told her exactly how I was feeling and requested again to just leave me alone so I can burn off the discomfort by myself. Long story shorter, she didn't leave me alone and I became uncontrollably hysterical starting with unbridled anger (I didn't break anything this time) followed by uncontrollable crying. She tried to stay away during the anger. During this time I yelled and screamed that all she had to do was leave me alone like I asked. She said I was scaring her so i tried to stay away. When I left her alone she started asking me why I was so crazy and asked me repeatedly what my problem was. This soon led to my uncontrollable crying which again prompted her to confront me. I tried staying away from her but she kept following me until I lost control of my body and begged at her knees to just please leave me alone. In my mind she had become the person who abused me as a child since I lacked all ability to escape the situation.
Aside from the obvious issues we're plannning a wedding and at this point I am not sure that I want to be with someone who refuses to acknowledge my problems. She confronts my issues as if they were her own. But thats just it they aren't her problems and I can't seem to get that across to her. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't want to be near her and part of me hates her now for bringing out the demons which I have been trying to escape for so long. I know this love/hate thing is part of the condition but at this point I feel so weak and exhausted from last nights episode I don't know what to do. Any advice? Any comments?