Newby thread: advice needed

[Bop]

Hello everyone. I am somewhat new so bare with me please.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II in March. At that time I immediately started taking *that one drug that needs the blood tests* (please fill in the blank for me I forget). Anyway I stopped taking it about a month later due to a feeling of constant hangover and inability to verbalize like I had been able to before.

I started taking Trileptal and Trazedone recently and everything had been getting better up until last night. (Disclaimer: I was sexually abused as a child which contributes a lot to my depression and antisocial behavior).

last night was one of those nights. It started off with the pretremors of a migraine. My fiance knew my head was hurting and when I sat down with her to watch TV, she put her hand to close to 'that area'. I immmediately jumped and in a raised but submissive voice said 'no no no'. Years together and she still doesn't understand what those words mean and how to help me when I am having sexual discomfort. Anyway, she presisted so I just went to bed and asked to be left alone. (I took my trazedone about an hour before this. I always take it early so that I have a little extra time to get it out of my system before work in the morning) Rather then leaving me be to go to sleep, she came in and kept talking and asking what was wrong with me. I told her exactly how I was feeling and requested again to just leave me alone so I can burn off the discomfort by myself. Long story shorter, she didn't leave me alone and I became uncontrollably hysterical starting with unbridled anger (I didn't break anything this time) followed by uncontrollable crying. She tried to stay away during the anger. During this time I yelled and screamed that all she had to do was leave me alone like I asked. She said I was scaring her so i tried to stay away. When I left her alone she started asking me why I was so crazy and asked me repeatedly what my problem was. This soon led to my uncontrollable crying which again prompted her to confront me. I tried staying away from her but she kept following me until I lost control of my body and begged at her knees to just please leave me alone. In my mind she had become the person who abused me as a child since I lacked all ability to escape the situation.

Aside from the obvious issues we're plannning a wedding and at this point I am not sure that I want to be with someone who refuses to acknowledge my problems. She confronts my issues as if they were her own. But thats just it they aren't her problems and I can't seem to get that across to her. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't want to be near her and part of me hates her now for bringing out the demons which I have been trying to escape for so long. I know this love/hate thing is part of the condition but at this point I feel so weak and exhausted from last nights episode I don't know what to do. Any advice? Any comments?

Thanks,
Bop

[angelblue65]

Hi Bop,
First of all, welcome to the Boards. I'm glad you found us.

Ok, now that I've dried my eyes after reading your post, I decided to offer some insight that will hopefully shed some light. Yes, your post made me cry because this story is unfortunately all too common.

I am your girlfriend. My BF is BPII and also has an abusive childhood trauma. Coupled with depression, boy oh boy can it do a number. I too did what your GF did - push to you can't take it any more. I don't know her reasons but I will tell you mine. I need resolution. And this is an issue of mine that I have recognized needs to be worked on. So my need does not mesh with that of my BF's when he needs to walk away. I attributed this behavior to the BP but I never even considered it could be because of feelings of his past. Wow. The only difference when pushed is that my BF displayed rage only. Occasionally, I would see hurt in his eyes but he never verbalized it.

I was ignorant by doing this until I somehow made peace with the fact that his actions were not personal attacks towards me (I am sensitive by nature). Once I accepted that, so many arguments stopped. Your GF may be getting triggered by something of her own and it might drive her to want the immediate resolution or understanding or whatever.

You sound like you really understand your actions very well and I commend you for that. That's a huge part of the battle. Hopefully, your GF will be open to educating herself more on what it is you're dealing with and by making adjustments (NOT changing the person she is) would make a big difference in the dynamics of your relationship. It is doable.

Are you sure that your GF does not acknowledge your issues or is it that she is scared or confused by how to deal with this? You (meaning she/me) think you have yourself quite together as a person but when you are faced with something you've never experienced before, you (she) can find that you have to unlearn alot of your behaviors if you want to make things work.

I will say it was hard for me to modify this behavior - I'm still prone to keeping at it until something is resolved but I have to stop myself. I feel ashamed for all the times I pushed. It may have made somewhat of a difference in my BF's recovery today. I don't know. Anyways, if she can understand your needs and WHY and that it is not personal against her, that will be key.

Good luck!!!!!!!

[Bop]

Thank you for the thoughtful reply angel. I'm sorry to know that others have faced this as I have but I am glad for the support you have given me. Your words mean a lot and they will help.