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Old 08-03-2005, 06:17 PM   #1
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babygrl1337 HB User
Unhappy Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

Paranoia the most annoying thing in this life other than laundry and jealousy.... I get so paranoid sometimes i get sick to my stomache....

I worry so much over what my husband is doing while were away from each other, or what he's looking at on the computer..........god I wish someone or something could just take all this crap away........ I get hurt very easily and I am a very sensitve person...... I have been hurt alot and Yes i have hurt my husband and then myself..... I have done alot of things in this lifetime that i am not proud of and i have alot of regrets...... Now im tring to get back in the right place with myself and my husband...... But it seems that it's me that causes all the promblems... Ohhhh im getting choked up.....

I assume alot and i have a big problem with something my husband does.... and i don't know how to get myself to believe the things he says..... I think that he goes behind my back and does stuff that hurts me...... I try not to think like that, sometimes i don't but when i do, i don't know how to contain myself and just lay back and trust him, and i don't understand how he can love me when i cause him so much pain and heartache....

I don't know If it's really me or if everyone goes through this, I've got so much stuff going on in my head right now i can't think straight....

I love my husband and I don't want to lose him..... but i know that if we wasn't together he would be happier........
I just need some advice...... can anyone help!!!!

 
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Old 08-03-2005, 09:08 PM   #2
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jephiner HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

Dear Babygirl,
I'm sorry I don't have much advise - I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I have thoughts like that which creep into my mind - I don't know if it is bipolar, having been hurt before or because it is real. I have no idea. I worry though and it makes me feel sick.

I guess I think what makes it so pervasive is that I also feel so bad about not being a "good wife" I have no idea why he is still with me other than the children. I am going through a particularly hard time right now - very heavy, very fatigued, very angry - hate sex...the whole bit....and it makes me feel more insecure which makes me feel worse...and the cycle continues.

I will say that I just realize that no matter whether he loves me or not, cheats on me or not, is honest or not...none of those things are within my control. It doesn't matter who you are -that could happen to you - and that is if you are a "perfect" person..... You might as well kick it out of your head - and talk about it here.....because it won't do you any good in your marriage. Just do the best you can sister, and know you are not alone.

Jen
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Old 08-04-2005, 01:45 AM   #3
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babygrl1337 HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

God i don't know what to say....... Yea EVERYTHING is going "crazy" right now and it's totally making me insane...... Does your husband understand about the bp thing? I actually sent my husband this thing over the internet about bp and he just totally ignores it yea he say's he'll read to make me feel better at that moment and the next day I know for a fact he hasn't read any of them....... Ok i know i shouldn't think this way but i am scared that he will read this stuff and take it the wrong way...... I love him but here lately he pisses me off more and more everyday and the biggest thing is he thinks that bp is just part of life and he thinks that I can work through this....... I tell him I am tring to get better but i know i won't i may be able to handle it better but its not going to go away...........

Today before i left for school i was so desperate for him to learn some things about bipolar and the way i fell ever day i left this site and this thread in plain site so he could see my log in name and he never said anything about it....I give the clues and im telling him in my own way "Hey look you need to read some of this" I don't know what else to do I'm breaking down slowly and i don't know where to run.....

 
Old 08-04-2005, 09:29 AM   #4
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jephiner HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

I have been very lucky in that my husband used to work in a field that brought him in contact w/ people with bipolar and he had to be educated about symptoms etc. On the same note though - he even said to me the other day "it is all you ever talk about - I am sick of it!" ( I am newly diagnosed and am obsessed with learning and "figuring it out") It is so funny because I talk about it about 1% of how much I think about it *L*

I think what happens with a lot of men (not all - but a lot) is when they are overwhelmed, and they don't know how to handle something - they just shut down and block out what they don't like. He may very well not read things because he is much more comfortable not knowing what the symptoms are. It is more comfortable to think you can deal with this and it is a choice - then to see that this is an actual "problem" that is going to need some serious attention. The possible implications of this disease can be very very scary - possibly not being able to hold down gainful employment, that your children may inherit the disease, that you may be financially irresponsible etc.....think about how scarey that could be for someone to come to terms with. I guess what I am saying is that he may not be a bunghole - he just may be scared.....

I guess if I had the financial means I would get a therapist and talk to her/him - and then work towards an intervention of sorts - where he could hear what bipolar is - really hear what you need - and then express his fears/concerns and maybe anger. If that isn't an option then arrange a "date night" and make sure you are somewhere you can talk and he doesn't have TV and tell him what you need him to know - what you need him to do - maybe what you think he may be feeling - and then ask him to share what his fears are and what he needs. You may even suggest if he doesn't feel safe talking to you - he can come here and talk to other people about his fears and concerns in private. He may not be talking to you about it because he doesn't want to hurt you.

I don't know if this will work - but it can't hurt can it?

I know that when I am feeling emotionally disconnected and unsupported by my husband - I am so much more likely to get obsessed about him cheating on me. Whatever you decide to do or however you are feeling - remember that this is a safe place for you...and that you are definitely not alone in your fear/pain.

I'll be thinking of you.

Jen
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Old 08-04-2005, 02:49 PM   #5
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babygrl1337 HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

Thanks jen for the advice..... Somenights when were laying in bed and something is bothering me I'll let him know about it, but I just don't know how to let him know how to make things better.... we are supposed to have a doc appt today for the both of us but i have a cpr class i have to attend to pass my class so i had to make another appt. so we do, do the doc thing just everyting i have a appt something comes up......anyway back on the subject...... I've made it a point to be that I want him to learn about this...... We got in an argument one night cause i printed out the thread about wifes bp..... and he got mad and he says that it is just part of life and i guess he thinks all marriages are like this..... I get this alot "your the crazy one or go take your meds" and that makes me think that it is me and i just need to shut up and live with it....... I told him to stop saying stuff like that but i've heard it since then so it's like everything i say goes in ear and out the other....... I don't want to make him sound like a bad guy, he does take care of and he knows how to make me feel better but he also knows how to make me feel worse.......
sorry for blabbering,
thanks for the advice..... sorry i couldn't give you any advice........

 
Old 08-04-2005, 09:02 PM   #6
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sllp28 HB User
Smile Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

I am a diagnosed true to the book bipolar person. In reading your information, I did not see that you ever mention being diagnosed/treated for the disorder. If you are interested I will share my thoughts on how my life has chanaged since being diagnosed and treated.

 
Old 08-05-2005, 05:52 AM   #7
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kittyy HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

yes I have a lot of paranoia myself , and am very sensitive.

 
Old 08-05-2005, 12:30 PM   #8
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babygrl1337 HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

I have been diagnosed major depression since 16 (22 now) and I've then diagnosed type 1 bipolar for about 2 years....... Also was told that i had add and ocd but never went far enough to get meds for it cause i think it's all part of the bp......

 
Old 08-07-2005, 05:35 AM   #9
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kimber lee HB User
Re: Paranoia?? BP or LIFE!!!!!

hi babygirl, hey listen, i dont know if what i have to say will help but let me fill you in on a little secret, my ex husband went through my bipolar begining with me, thats a time when no one understands what it is , you dont , parents dont ,he doenst, freinds dont really, not even the doctors give a good prognosis, but your husband is really frigin confused, im sure he loves you to pieces, but try this, dont make him feel like he has to be a part of this situation anymore, do it on your own and wait for him to ask you how you have been feeling insatead of making it so clear that you need his understanding and support 24 hours a day, hes exhausted with this bipolar thing. and take responsibility for your self and your getting well, im not saying that im right, but it worked for me and i was right on the money with my observation in my case, well good luck girlfreind, kimber lee

 
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