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Old 08-13-2005, 04:50 PM   #1
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Kathrin74 HB User
"Mania" as its own theme?

Hello,

I have a weird question. Kind of.

It is not uncommon for (hypo)manic phases to come with some kind of theme, right? Like some grandiose thought or some important project or whatever.

Now, has anybody here ever experienced having the thought of being bipolar and manic as its own theme that you get high on (as in: Wow I can get manic I'm somebody so special!)?

I haven't been diagnosed bipolar but this is not the first time I am going through a phase where I am trying to make myself "manic" and kind of run on a high, like it would make me something special.

(And I apologize sincerely if I am insulting anybody, I know, it's not fun to be ill, it's just that I get high on the thought that maybe I might be able to make myself "manic".

Or maybe not?

Does it sound like something you can relate to?

Kathrin

 
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Old 08-13-2005, 05:00 PM   #2
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mudhound HB User
Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

I think my wife has tried this before. I'm a little unsure if she has or not. However, some of the signs where there. Like the loud music, drinking, and other items.
By the way, this has been a long time ago.
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Old 08-13-2005, 09:19 PM   #3
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

In my experience, I have felt many times that I have "set myself up" for some manic fun time. I am relatively new to this diagnosis, but have known for quite sometime that I was BP.

My experience...would usually start on Thursday. I would start getting wired about going out on Friday night (and maybe even Saturday night) to drink and dance with my husband. I would be in a great mood all day Thursday looking forward to my fun time. On Friday, I would take my kids to school, go get a Grande Starbucks and off to the mall to get some dancin' clothes. Keep in mind my closet is PACKED with very sexy nightlife outfits and I could dress an entire nightclub full of women with ALL the clothes I own!!!! I would pick the kids up at school, fix them dinner and finally eat something myself. Then it was off to take a shower and get all ready to go dancing!!! Sunday and Monday were my down days. I guess I was coming off my high of a weekend and I would be sad or very irratable with everyone in the house. This was almost a weekly occurance for me.

I don't know if this is just part of my rapid-cycling or if this is how I set myself up for some manic fun???? I would also feel very manic anytime that I lost a few pounds...it would send me into grandiose feelings...like every man in the world wanted me!! Gosh, that is so embarrassing to admit!!!

Just wanted to give some insight from someone that feels like they have MANY times put themselves in to manic episodes.

Amy

 
Old 08-14-2005, 04:40 AM   #4
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

I am more manic than i am depressed, i love it, but it calls for some no sleep for 3 days, so i paint, look at my base ball cards and price my comic books. i dont get to lonley up all night by myself,, i have never purposly thrown myself in to mania, but maybe looking forward to bieng up all night is the same thing, and yes i have thought about mania and being bipolar as its own deal to me, i feel special, proud , confident and also weird, deranged sense of humor and i come off sometimes probably like a tart or a tease, non chanauntly..., well bye now kimber lee

Last edited by kimber lee; 08-14-2005 at 04:42 AM.

 
Old 08-14-2005, 12:11 PM   #5
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

Well I went through a time a few years ago when it occurred to me that I might be bipolar (just because there have been so many ups and downs in my life), and since it was during an "up" time I really liked the thought of it, and I would walk around with my walkman on late at night kind of "playing the crazy one", and in every song I could find some lyrics that would describe my situation and I felt so very... special. Especially when the songs were really about ups and downs, I would think: YEAH that's me, I go to the extreme, look at me, isn't it dramatic?
Does that sound like something mania like? See the thing is I still was able to sleep.

And right now what I have been going through this week is just... well, a lot of exciting things, Wednesday night we did out monthly evening outreach for the homeless at a church I help out at, and it felt so GOOD (well, of course, but more so than usual). And just feeling hyper... but not ALL the time. More like... I have the ability this week to really get hyper, for stretches of time. Not every hour of every day. And I AM able to call it a day (last ngith I didn't sleep too well though.) Usually I can go to sleep after I eat something, eating makes me tired. (I am underweight so it isn't a problem to eat late at night for that reason. I usually don't eat much during the day because I don't like feeling full at all, I like feeling light!).

But see, the thing is, as I said... it's not CONSTANT. And I am very aware of it. It is like I look forward to the hyperness, when I start the day, remembering "oh I am going through a high energy phase!)

And going to lots of poetry readings. Just to give you an impression, here's my latest one, it's actually kind of melancholic but has a positive twist:





When the wind blows
It blows away dreams
When the sun shines
It melts away illusions
When the clock ticks
It tells of another day gone by
When my heart sinks
It's only because I woke up too fast
again.

When I love
I love with a vengeance
When I dream
I dream myself away
When the train departs
It still leaves me behind
When my soul cries
It's only because I long for something
to hold on.

When the day dawns
It draws out the night
When the rain falls
It washes away the dust from the streets
When the birds sing
They show me we can keep singing anyway
When my heart sinks
It's only for a moment
Before I wake up again.
Kathrin

 
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Old 08-15-2005, 02:56 AM   #6
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

Thats a beautigul poem katherine, wanna hear one of mine ! here it goes...

As i paint the picture i trace from my heart, it is you i see,
so cast to me the primary colors oh muse
then to not just to reveal a painting but to unvail a masterpiece that is you..
kimberle

 
Old 08-15-2005, 08:32 AM   #7
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Toby706 HB UserToby706 HB User
Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

When I am truly manic, there is a "theme" or moreso-delusion. I am not a religious person normally, but when it hits I become obsessed with spiritual things and God.

 
Old 08-15-2005, 10:36 AM   #8
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goofyafter2 HB User
Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

I am loving the poetry! Beautiful!

 
Old 08-15-2005, 07:49 PM   #9
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

Thanks for your beautiful poem too Kimber Lee!

I am feeling positively wired I guess. Had some friends over today and they just reiforced my good feelings, because they just loved my art (I did a birthday thing for one of my friends, with poetry and drawings etc) and my music. My throat is still sore from laughing and singing and telling jokes.
I still don't know if this is being hypomanic or whatever, I just know it feels good. Even though I wonder how long I will have the energy for it...

Kathrin

 
Old 08-16-2005, 09:44 AM   #10
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

When I was manic I would always end up in a psych ward.
Not so much fun.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 05:29 AM   #11
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
When I was manic I would always end up in a psych ward.
Not so much fun.
IM WITH YA ON this bit. I was hspitilized for 30 days. It is not a switch you put on auto and can switch on or off at will for me anyways.
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Old 08-17-2005, 03:19 PM   #12
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

I don't know if I am understanding your question really but I think I do. I do think that mania - and the ability to experience mania can definitely be a theme. I do think bipolars often feel special and "closer to god" when they are manic - and that can be a powerful wave. I have noted elsewhere that there are even 12 step groups for people who don't want to give up mania (and therefor being bipolar) and feel they are addicted to the experience. I have someone in my "real" life who loves her mania and feels very special that her life has been such a wild ride. I feel very fortunate that my mania has always been incredibly uncomfortable to me (mostly aggitated, driven and angry - like being on bad uppers) - and had no euphoria attached that I can remember. Because it was so uncomfortable it has been very easy to give up. I don't think the power of "high" of mania should be underestimated. I sincerely believe that if I had had these euphoric highs that many bipolars have I would have had a much more difficult time. anyway - that is my longwinded way of saying "yes, I think mania can be mania's theme"
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Old 08-17-2005, 05:45 PM   #13
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

Thanks for trying to answer the question, maybe I don't really know myself what the EXACT question is, just this experience of feeling special because maybe I can get maic, but see I am still not even sure if that's what it is!!!

K.

 
Old 08-17-2005, 07:04 PM   #14
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LLC15 HB User
Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

I am not bipolar but when my sis is in her manic phase she likes the drama and wants to be the only person in the world feeling this way. She does not like it, but I can see where it would be addictive to those who are intelligent and have positive ways of taking out their mania (look at many of the famous artists that were bipolar or authors, like Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven). The poetry here is amazing!
Now I do have a question about the high feeling of not eating or the "light" feeling it gives some of you. I used to starve myself in highschool, and I loved that feeling but it was more about being in control than anything. Did you all ever feel that way (a high because you could not eat and function and losing the weight got you positive attention)? I always had positive reinforcement when I did this (starve to lose weight) and it was not easy to stop (I finally had a boyfriend in college who asked me to stop).

 
Old 08-18-2005, 11:18 PM   #15
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Re: "Mania" as its own theme?

LLC15,
I don't think my enjoying "feeling light" is about being in control. I couldn't say for sure though.
I WAS anorexic when I was around 18 or so.

Kathrin

 
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