Picali

Hello all

Just feeling a little bit disheartened. Went to the docs this morning to check my medical records - as we are moving again I just wanted to make sure everything was in place for the new docs at the other end. I was quite upset to see the general feedback from psychs to Gp is that I'm unco-operative, unwilling to listen and something of a maverick. I've never thought about myself in this way. I can have violent outbursts when I'm ill but it's usually me that gets hurt. I did have one nasty outburst in hospital when I wrecked a room - I'm not saying that's okay but it was very unusual for me, I was very poorly and I did apologise afterwards for it, but it seems that that one incident has coloured a lot of reports since. One nurse reported to my doctor that I'd been abusive - I'd called in a very distressed state which he told me was my fault because I was over anxious (I think we've all been in this situation!). I told him he'd made me feel like ****** and put the phone down. I know swearing isn't nice but I was crying when I said it and I didn't shout, so I wouldn't have said that was abusive? Also, he called me later and apologised to me, so why is he making it look to the doctor that I was the one being rude? There were other reports about me refusing therapy - I did refuse it after six weeks but only because the woman was dreadful - I've had a lot of success with therapy and am a strong supporter of it, but she was awful and I went back to my private lady, yet it's been written like I threw their help back in their faces, which wasn't how it was. I've also discovered that my sister called them last year after we'd had a row and told them I was getting manic again and refusing to take my meds - this wasn't true and my family always do this when we have a bust up - they never accept there's a problem, they just blame my illness and I find that really hard.

Sorry to waffle on - it's really upset me. I consider myself to be quite a nice person and I don't think they've portrayed my situation accurately, or taken into account all of the things I do off my own back to try and help myself.

Just needed to vent

Thanks for reading

Picali x