Struggling Newbie - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Mum2KMED · 10-08-2005, 10:24 PM

I really don't even know where to begin.

Mom of 2. DD is 4 yrs. DS is 2 yrs. After both, struggled with PPD. With DS, it was severe. Medicated. Orginally Paxil. Daignosed as being BP summer 04. Suicide attempt. P-doc changed meds. Zyprexa, which worked but was way too expensive. Fluanxol currently. Also take Tegretol for combined treatment of BP/Epilepsy.

Struggling. ALOT. Been going down since early Sept. Sept 10th, irritated sciatic nerve, lots of pain. Still suffering.

At this point, emotionally and mentally I feel empty. Physically I am exhausted. I put on a happy face when I have to be around people. But once alone, reality sets in. I have no desire to work. I have lost any interest in my children. This is hard for me, because even though PPD, my kids gave me focus and hope. Now I wonder if they'd be better off without me.

Looking for support. A friend. Something to help me get back that focus of getting better. Right now, it just feels hopeless.

shining_star · 10-08-2005, 11:57 PM

hugs for Mum

oh gee i can relate to your life...and i feel so deeply what your going thru,, it's tough, bloody tough. First i want to say

don't think for 1 second your kid's are better without you

I have had servere pnd too and it's not a nice thing to experiance, at time when you should be feeling wonderful.
I have bipolar disorder and also was diagnosed last year. I didn't even know I was depressed - my depression presented in suicidal thoughts, and suicidal attempts...yeah more than one. What we are really wanting is someone to help "why i earth do i feel so...nothing", "i thought my life wasn't going to be like this, maybe everyone is better off without me" * that's how i felt too.

I am here for you

see me i'm waving at you. I am here very often and will pop into your post to talk to you, if you want someone to talk to ok.

I also have a psychiatrist and they can be daunting, sometimes it's as if they aren't listening...but what i did was say to him, I am a mum I need to function thru the day it's not good enough for me to be on meds that make me drosey during the day, i need to be able to care for him during the day. He listened and i take my meds at night, so if they make me drosey it doesn't matter because i am able to get up in the morning and get started.
It was a long time coming though and my son would come in the bedroom and ask why am i sleeping all the time, my b/f would try to convince me to get up my mind wanted to very much but my body was comatosed. I say to my psychiatrist often that i need to feel better, i don't think it's ok to accept anything short of how you want to be feeling....keep that in mind and tell those caring for your mental health.

for now i leave it there...giving you enough to think about. Don't forget i am just a "click away"

love
Shining_Star

mudhound · 10-09-2005, 04:37 AM

Hello and a BIG welcome to the boards.

hummingbirdkiss · 10-09-2005, 09:07 AM

message deleted

Mum2KMED · 10-09-2005, 10:52 AM

Thanks Star. My p-doc (psychiatrist) is actually pretty good about listening. I had been breastfeeding my son (he weaned when I hurt my back, which I know is only adding to my depression). My p-doc was really good about getting that I needed to keep nursing. It really helped me. Gave me a focus. Was something, no matter what, I felt like I was doing right. So he's been really good about working with me. He listens to me when I see him. I've been able to call him and say "this isn't working" and he helps get things right. I'm fortunate because I've heard of so many dr's that just write scripts and that's it. Mine definitely isn't like that. Only problem is, he travels to my community, so I have a very small window on when I can actually get an app't.

BRL to write more. My kids are bugging now.