Hi DragonPrincess I am your friend too...
I can relate to how your feeling right now, I've been there myself not too long ago. My horrible, dark, scary depression lasted for 18 long months. There are pieces I can't remember, but, there is so much I remember. It's a frightening and awful flip side of mania...every coin has two sides, every sword two edges, like day is to night.
My heart goes out to you, I really can feel your dispair and anguish over your depression symptoms. Be kind to yourself, please don't be too hard on yourself right now. Whats your favourite thing? Is it roses and sweet smellling flowers, sunshine and seas of azure blue?? Is it laughing, children with smiles?? Whatever it maybe find photo's or get copies of them and place them where you will be reminded of them all the time...Anything to remind you that these things you enjoyed when you weren't depressed. Same with activities you enjoyed doing when you weren't depressed it's important to try and include some of these during each day. Remind yourself that you loved these things before, don't expect to have the energy, the important part of this is the reminder of the non-depressed self. {It does work....I didn't say easy but is worth the effort}
Keep communication open with your husband...share your thoughts, ask for his hand or cuddle to make you feel supported. When my b/f did this for me it made me feel anchored in my stormy sea. I could do anything after a cuddle, they came a part of getting up, and doing things i could so long as I had a cuddle first and after.
Anger is one letter short of Danger. Hate is the nearest thing to love. These are valid emotions and expressions of turmoil within you. Write out your most hateful and angriest thoughts...if there is water nearby walk there and tear up your pieces of paper and let them float into the water...the paper is biodegradable, but it's sending them out to the universe and thereby cleansing for your mind, body and soul.
~I hope that some of these are helpful for you~ Take care of yourself andkeep in touch so you can get support here - we care about you and hope sunny days are coming your way very soon...rainbows and the silver lining....
shining_star
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