Hi, I don't think I've posted on this particular site, but I've posted at others before. I have been bipolar since about 1995. I've been on Depakote as a mood stabelizer, but noticed not too many others take it. I also take Remeron for depression and Paxil and Klonopin for anxiety. I've been hospitalized twice for depression episodes in the past 7 years. I know that I am manic right now, but I don't want to tell my dr. because I am afraid she'll change something in my meds and I don't want to screw with my meds b/c I've been taking them since 2002 and this is the first manic since then. I have spent over $4000 since August, not including new carpet throughout the entire house (another $4800) and I had my house repainted (had it painted 2 years ago), but wanted a different shade to match the new carpet. I didn't tell my husband as he is an over the road trucker and I had the house painted while he was on the road. I am so high energy, can't sit still, very talkative, smoking cigs like a fiend, feel like I'm on speed or something. I am seeing a counselor and told her all of this but asked her not to tell my doc and she has to respect my privacy as I pose no threat to myself or others. I started exercising in June and a prepared meal diet in July and I have lost 30 pounds, but feel driven to lose more weight that I have started making myself throw up if I eat something not on the diet plan. I also take a lot of laxitives. I haven't shared this with anyone. not even my counselor because I know all about bulemia and I don't care I just feel so focused on my weight. I started at 200 pounds (the most I have ever weighed in my life) and am down to 170 but I want to get down to at least 150, if not even less than that. I'm 5'7" and 40 years old. I know I need to tell my doc what I've been doing but I am afraid to. My appointment is Thursday. It's only for a med check, so I don't get but 15 minutes with her anyway. I am scared. I don't want the mania to leave. I like it. But even my husband notices some of the symptoms of mania in me. Please Help. MONA
lilly5-
I understand what you are going through, I am BP 1 and I think that your psych doc needs to spend a little more than 15 minutes with you at your appt. It sounds like you are racing into mania; for me, it wouldn't be long and I would be on the rooftop or eating toothpaste sandwiches. I am not a pharmacist or doctor, But I have taken all of those meds you mentioned at one time or another-except Remeron, and I would look at Paxil as a "trigger."
It sent me into a mania that led to very destructive consequences and the hospital, but that med might work for some-but was near lethal for a BP 1 like me. Another thing to do, try to lay off the cigs-then you want coffee and that causes more agitation? Have a friend or family member aware of what is happening "presently" so they can prepare if you need to be hospitalized. You need to share w/someone about your bulimia. I can't believe your doctors never noticed your weight loss.
Toby, thank you for your advice. I am going to call my doc's office to see if I can get my appt. made longer. And yes, my husband knows that I've been manic. He noticed it a while ago, but was waiting for me to admit it to myself, even though I knew back in the summer, I had two feelings about it: 1) secretly hoping it would go away by itself and 2) not wanting it to go away because we bipolars love our mania. But I now realize it is a problem and I have to do something about it. I'm calling my doc now. I got the receptionist's voice mail, but I explained what I wanted -- we'll see. Thanks again. MONA
Hello, well you are definatly manic, i would suggest that you are doing the bolemia thing because you are in control of it(for now anyway) and bipolar mania is really out of your control for the most part, but you must sit your self down and look before leaping and meditate on it meditate on the irrational behaviors, and try to take control of the situations by asking yourelf questions before you do them. I too am manic most of the time, yes i love it too, but it does tend to get me into a little trouble now and then, overspending , not caring about the bills"because , oh well"! i put on my leather and sit at a starbucks , not to meet men but to attract them( i live eith my boyfriend) i do things that take priority over what should really be done, i am perfectly happy living on seeds and water, im beautiful 42 and smart, i have a proffesion as an animal trainer, i am just not rational in every way and i am totally irresponsible.I love my family they love me, and i havent lost respect from anyone yet, YET... i dont know if i helped you but good luck
My personal experience with paxil was to originally take it for panic attacks and I had become agoraphobic, (afraid to leave home). I was in a severe state with the anxiety. I don't know about everyone, but for me, I wasn't haven't panic attacks, but had taken it for about 8 years. I was having episodes that were cyclical of anger and manic states of mind. I tapered off the paxil and that in itself helped with weight loss. My mind feels calmer and I occassionally take xanax to get a good night's sleep. Good sleep helps alot. I also noticed that after years of being on the paxil my side effects that had not been a problem before, started to surface. one of which was night sweats, that were so bad I was constantly waking during the night to either go tt or change out of sweaty clothes. Now I don't do that. A change in meds may be a good thing... sort of a drug holiday. I don't know your age but I started perimenopause that comes with many emotional changes, could that be agrivating your problem. I don't know if you are following up with an MD but another agrivating factor could be thyroid related, that is hell on thought processes too. If your meds are working properly then maybe investigate physical changes that can contribute to your changing cycles and moods.
Have a friend or family member aware of what is happening "presently" so they can prepare if you need to be hospitalized. You need to share w/someone about your bulimia. I can't believe your doctors never noticed your weight loss.
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