How do I be supportive? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

beginwithin · 10-28-2005, 11:38 AM

I've resently had an old friend come into my life. We used to be very close and he disappeared. I didn't know but he got very low and ended up in a coma. He went back in the hospital a couple of days ago. When we talk all I do is ask what seems to be stupid questions. He has BP and Schizophrenia. How can I be supportive?

batmatic · 10-29-2005, 12:45 AM

That's a tough one. Maybe you could bring the newspaper (bring the Enquirer or other rag too and pick out the ridiculous articles) along with you and
read aloud articles or maybe work the crossword together. Asking questions is not stupid, it shows you care enough to try and understand what your friend is feeling. Just showing up shows support, trust me. I don't know about you but I've rarely had any one visitor when I am hospitalized. Being in the hospital is so monotonous it helps to have someone break up the day.
You are a good friend.

beginwithin · 10-29-2005, 10:29 AM

Thank you Batmatic. He often says that his meds is doing more harm than good, this is a common feeling from what I gather from reading the board. This is a great site. just reading other peoples questions and comments, have helped me to understand more.
thanks

Madam Captain · 10-29-2005, 11:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beginwithin

I've resently had an old friend come into my life. We used to be very close and he disappeared. I didn't know but he got very low and ended up in a coma. He went back in the hospital a couple of days ago. When we talk all I do is ask what seems to be stupid questions. He has BP and Schizophrenia. How can I be supportive?

I have a good friend who was also recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. We dated for a couple of years but we decided that the relationship wasn't working so we broke it off. We are still very good friends and we regularly chat to each other on ***. I will never forget the night he rang me and told me that he attempted suicide (in 2004). He didn't go into great detail about how he tried to end his life but he ended up staying in hospital for 2 weeks. I know that he was under a lot of pressure at work and maybe this was the trigger but I will never know for sure. To this day, I still don't know how he tried to commit suicide and I don't want to know. Its too upsetting for me to even think about it. I'm just so glad that I didn't get a phone call from someone else telling me that he was gone. I hope I never have to endure the pain of losing him.

I think the best way to be supportive of your friend is to be just there for him. Let him know that you will always be there to listen. If he wants to talk about his bp or schizophrenia let him talk but if he doesn't want to talk about it, you should respect that aswell. I think he will be very grateful to have a friend that comes to visit. Don't worry too much about asking stupid questions, its so hard to know what to say to someone is his situation. I'm sure anything you do say won't make him feel worse and he probably needs someone to talk to right now.

jessejomomma · 10-30-2005, 01:56 AM

My husband has bipolar. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but I still love him. Sometimes he frustrates me. And with him I have to be honest and tell him flat out when i notice him acting strange, or any thing else. You might ask your friend what they need from you, but also make sure that you aren't going to stress yourself out over it. And remember to treat them like they are a normal human being. You are a good friend, because a lot of people wouldn't even try to handle being around someone with an illness like that. And if they talk about the medication not working, encourage them to talk to the doctor. And while you are doing all that, try not to let their mood changes affect you. I always have to struggle with not cycling with my husband's mood swings, and sometimes I find myself doing it anyway. If your friend starts to make you feel bad, don't let it get you down. My husband is like that when his medication is not working, and he can make me feel absolutely horrible, but I have to tell him that he is being mean, because he usually doesn't realize it. Your friend might not realize it either. Good luck, and remember to let your friend know that you do care for him, but try not to get into a position that makes you uncomfortable or hurt. There is no sense in that.

I hope that I have helped some.