Why does it seem that every time i get into a good mood something has to happen to ruin it. Always, it can be the littlest thing that happens. My mood always swings to violent or violently sad. I am always mad at one thing or another. Recently I was fired from my job, because I think of bi polar. I cant wake up in the morning with all the meds i am on. I had an 8 oclock in the morning job and i would nod off in between phone calls as a customer service representative and was fired because of it. I dont know what to do anymore, my moms advice makes me feel like even more of a loser. Disability... did you know you can get on disability from bi polar. I physically suck because of something that affects me. I am so tired of always being on the verge of tears or throwing things. I have been on a million different medicines and i seem to be this way regardlesss of what i take. right now they have got me 0on geodon zoloft effexor and klonopin i find no relief from these, only bad side effects when i dont take my zoloft. what am i supposed to do in a relationship when i constantly turn things into a fight, or am in tears from my boyfriend not understanding how i feel. I am so so so tiered of feeling this way. Someone please help me the spiral i am in is only pointing downward.
I am sorry to hear all that is happening in your life at the moment. Losing your job is bad enough without all the mental turmoil that you are facing too. I understand just how the meds can make you feel, and the many many different combinations to try before and if you get one that works for you. I am still trying!!! Have you considered talking to your Doctor about your dosage, or times that you take your meds. maybe you could look at a job with a later start time. That way you are still working but getting that extra time in bed. I went from insomnia to like you not been able to lift my head off the pillow, everything about us seems to be in extremes. From our mood, actions, thoughts to sleep patterns. I too understand the madness inside, from being low one minute to high the next, although the highs never seem to last as long. I too can be terrible with my husband, shouting obscenities, throwing things, hitting him, at the time i am really out of control, blind rage with no way of stopping. Its like watching myself and shouting at myself to stop but i dont hear i keep on. By then its too late the damage has been done, we are one notch closer to divorce! Has your B/F researched BPD, does he understand that its not you, and not how you want to be? maybe you could aid him get an insight in to it? I dont think your mum meant any harm by mentioning the fact you could recieve disability paymnets although i understand how you must have felt. Its soooooooooooooo frustrating, things can and will work out. Do you have therapy? Or go to any groups? Have you read anything on cognitive thinking? Also essential oils in the room where you are can have a good effect on your mood, as can massage which will in turn give you and your B/F that close loving contact that you both need. If you need to talk we are all hear, I and others will listen its important to know that you are NOT on your own. I hope that this has been of some help. You are in my thoughts. God bless and take care.
I am 56 and suffered like you for all my life . Besides doctor pills I have self medicated and found no relief until a year ago . I am now living a truely happy life which I had never experianced before .Would you tell me if you have any religious beliefs ?
for the one gent, i am not religious, but open to what it will be when i pass on.
In response to my last post, I went to a new doctor today and he said pretty much the same thing all the others have. Therapy. I just do not see how it will help me, I have been in and out of therapy since I was 14. I have never had any progress from it. To make matters worse I have a recent abuse that still has fresh wounds on my soul. Right now I have bad days and I have worse days. I have settled into a defeatist attitude I guess you'd say. I realize I am not going to be able to do better than a bar or restaurant. I have been fired from 2 bank jobs this year and last, mainly in part to my meds making me sleepy and not being able to perform well in the mornings. It makes me want to stop taking my meds altogether which is a train wreck waiting to happen. So, I really dont know what to do now, and the bills are closing in.
Im so very sorry that you are feeling this way, believe me I do understand. You may think that all you are worth is bar/resturant work, which there is absaloutly nothing wrong with. You obviously have your aims set higher, as your previous postions state and your thoughts about bar work. So deep inside you know you can do it. Maybe for now and this is NOT defeat you should look into what financial offerings there are for you while you are in the frame of mind and physical being that you are. I dont know how your system works, ie. if you could be signed off work for disabilty for a while. This is a stepping stone, a great opportunity for you to step back, rest, get to know yourself once more and try to come to terms with all the issues that you have. This is what I had to do and am only just coming out of it after several years of therapy off and on, dark deep depression (still at times), states of sheer panic, OCD which is still ever prevelant. I was a professional dealing with BP and OCD untill something happened in my life that has changed me in everyway. It was hell and I thought I would never ever get over it, nor did I want to. This terrible, appauling event in my life was so disturbing I spent many many months in a menal institute. But im here, and now I look upon it as a learning curve, an evil one but I have gained experience, self knowledge etc. I really do hope for your sake you find some peace of mind, can you try a different combo of meds? Anything at all is better than nothing.
You are in my thoughts.