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Old 01-21-2006, 06:49 PM   #1
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Question Have i got it?

Hey,

I'm kind of new to this board. I have only posted a few messages but this is my most important one. It's really bugging me.

I think i have bipolar but i don't know. I'm too scared to go to my doctor as i don't want to face the truth (well i do in a way but i'm scared) and i don't want my mum to find out. Me and my mum have a difficult relationship. It's not like daughter and mother. It's more like sister and sister relationship. Everything i do it's wrong or she will find a way of finding something wrong with it. I have a sister and a brother, my sister is 16 and my brother is under a year. I'm 18 nearly 19.

A brief about what's happend in my life the last few years:

I was raped when i was 15. I have reported it recently and it brang back many memories which i never wanted to bring back. My mum found out what happend then she told the whole family about what happend. I didn't want this but it was out of my hands. The only person i told was a friend from school that night and my best friend.

My mum and dad split up about 2 years ago now. I found it really really hard to get through. I worked with my mum at a nursing home and she meet someone who also worked there as a chef. My dad works in a hardware shore so i never bumped into him or anything. I worked at this nursing home for about a year i think. It got to much in the end so i quit and went to the doctor because i was going crazy. I started hearing voices in my head and wanting to die. I went to my doctor and he put me on anti-depressants. I was fine on them till one day they felt like they didn't work. I overdosed myself on them, nurofen and my bcp pills. I did this on a saturday i think. I went straight to the doctors on monday and told her how i was feeling, what i did etc. She put me on different ones. They took ages to work but they did work in the end and i felt ''top of the world''.

The last year i have done so much wrong in my life. I have a best mate called Trisha. She means everything to me. We have known each other about 6 years now. We meet on here and we started from there. We had our ups and downs. I lied to her so many times about things that were really out of order. I didn't mean to do this, something in my head was telling me too. It got worse and worse till we split up being mates. She forgave me and then i started again. I don't know why i did it.

Ever since the last time i lied to her and we split up again i haven't lied to her. I have told her everything and it's been all true. Everything is going great at the moment but i just feel not myself. We had a talk about what might be wrong with me and she said it sounds like i have Bipolar disorder. I didn't know what it was but she told me some of the symptons and all the things i was feeling, thinking etc was excatly what she said. Like she was reading my mind.

I haven't been to my doctor because i'm scared. I think it's because they might put me in a home and that and i'm scared about my mum finding out because of what i said above.

Can anyone help me? I need some advice because i really don't know what to do anymore. I feel confusssed and wrong at the moment. please reply.

 
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Old 01-22-2006, 04:24 AM   #2
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mudhound HB User
Re: Have i got it?

do not feel wrong. This BP thing is a medical illness just like other items such as heart, lung, ect..... I am currently married to a person who has BP and I love her dearly. She takes her meds and other therpy seems to help her to control this illness. Sure, there are some ups and some downs. However, it's an illness just like any other.
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God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 01-22-2006, 06:34 AM   #3
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Re: Have i got it?

Here is the deal hon: do not be scared. This is an ok problem to have, I have it and not afraid to admit it, thousands like us have it, and we are all functional.

Read the thread posted by the moderator on symptoms of bp, print it off and check off all of the problems that apply to you. See a doc! I will tell you first hand that seeing a doc was the best thing I ever did! She put me on meds and in a group therapy setting where I learned I was not alone. The meds helped stabilize me to the point where I felt good enough to talk to people about my past issues---and that led me to shedding that baggage slowly but surely. Do you know what I mean?

Please keep us updated, maybe one day you will come on and be another bp success story!

Last edited by barbaric_yawp; 01-22-2006 at 07:02 PM.

 
Old 01-22-2006, 12:57 PM   #4
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Re: Have i got it?

Hi,

Thanks for both of you for replying!

I'm going to ring the doctors tomorrow. I did try the other day but they didn't have any and said to ring back on monday.

I'm scared about going to the doctors but i really need to. I'm very low at the moment but i'm ok. My mums started on me today about how she is going to kick me out etc. I'm fed up with it. Anyway does it sound like i have bipolar disorder? I want to know before i go to the doctors so i can brace myself for her to say i have.

Bex xx

 
Old 01-22-2006, 06:08 PM   #5
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Re: Have i got it?

Hi,

I just wanted to add a bit.

At the moment i'm hearing voices in my head. It's my voice and other people voices but i don't know whos. It's driving me crazy. I cry when this happens too and i can't control it. I dunno what's going on right now. At the moment i'm crying while i'm writing this, i don't know why i just am.

What's wrong with me?

Please reply.

 
Old 01-22-2006, 06:56 PM   #6
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Re: Have i got it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by booboo2006
Hi,

I just wanted to add a bit.

At the moment i'm hearing voices in my head. It's my voice and other people voices but i don't know whos. It's driving me crazy. I cry when this happens too and i can't control it. I dunno what's going on right now. At the moment i'm crying while i'm writing this, i don't know why i just am.

What's wrong with me?

Please reply.
If you start feeling really bad, you should go to a hospital ASAP. Are you alone? You need to talk to someone.

Not sure about what your other symptoms are but it could be Schizophrenia. S. could be a possibility, although if you are in a manic state right now it could also be pb. Schiz. is a psychosis, a type of mental illness in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. The world may seem like a jumble of confusing thoughts, images and sounds.

sending you a prayer

 
Old 01-22-2006, 07:09 PM   #7
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Re: Have i got it?

I can't go to hospital. I don't like it there. I'm alone downstairs and i really don't know what to do. The voices are still in my head and thy are getting worse. I feel really numb.

I don't know what to do. I just keep crying.

 
Old 01-22-2006, 07:12 PM   #8
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Re: Have i got it?

You must go to the doctors do not be afraid of the hospital, they will treat you well and care for you. They will give you medicine to help you.

God bless...

 
Old 01-22-2006, 07:14 PM   #9
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Re: Have i got it?

i can't get an appt. I can't go on like this. I don't know what to do now. My best mate said ring nhs direct up and tell them what you feel like etc. But i can't.

 
Old 01-22-2006, 07:18 PM   #10
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Re: Have i got it?

what is stopping you? Your friend is right, call them up NOW. They can do more for you than I can. I want you to feel better, but the only way for you to get better is by talking to a doc! You MUST find the strength to do this!

 
Old 01-22-2006, 07:25 PM   #11
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Re: Have i got it?

I don't know what is stopping me but i can't. i'm scared and i really don't know what to do. i want to die. i have to go offline now, i will be on tomorrow and i will let you know how i feel. thanks for your help. x

 
Old 01-25-2006, 01:59 PM   #12
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Re: Have i got it?

Hey,

Just to update you all. I went to the doctors today and she said it doesn't sound like i have bipolar. I'm just very depressed. She is sending me to see a councellor and other things and has put me on differnet tablets. Hopefully these will work. My mum went with me and she understands how i feel and is going to help me. Last night i went mad. I don't know what was wrong with me i just went really low and couldn't get out of it. But ive seen a doctor now and i'm going to get sorted.

Bex x

 
Old 01-25-2006, 09:09 PM   #13
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Re: Have i got it?

Thanks for the update, I was worried about you after I got off-line the other night. I am really glad you saw a doc. and very glad you are with a councelor and getting meds. I am really glad you have your mom for support. Keep posting your progress!

 
Old 01-26-2006, 01:41 PM   #14
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Re: Have i got it?

Hey,

Don't worry about me i'm ok. Just needed to get sorted. I will let you know how i am in a week or so when the pills start working (hopefully they do).

Talk soon and don't worry ok xxx

 
Old 01-26-2006, 02:21 PM   #15
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Re: Have i got it?

Ok, no worries. I will just send you some good energy.

 
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