I am a 39 yoa female with bi-polar II. I am currently in the VERY severe manic depresive episode. I moved far away from from family about 3 years ago to live with my partner and have had several episodes since moving. I am on medication and seeing a therapist. I recently came back from visiting my family and have been a wreck ever since. Even before leaving I was crying a lot, feeling depressed and had been having digestive problems. When I was there, I didn't cry, didn't feel down and my stomach problems disappered until the day I was to come back. I was just put on Lithium (again) and I am waiting to see if it helps. I love my partner, but if I am having bad episodes here and seem to be ok with my family around what do I do? I am going to wait to see how the Lithium effects me, but I don't want to live on all this medication all my life. I also take xanax and valium for anxiety which I never had to do before. I am just looking for some advice from someone who doesn't know me but knows how it feels to feel so bad. I want to know if it is just missing home or is it my current surroundings that make me feel this way. One other thing I should add, is that I had to put my beloved dog to sleep here because after moving here, slowly she became so aggressive she was uncontrollable. I feel if I would have kept her back home she would still be around, so now I blame where I live for her death, and the guilt overwhelms me. I just don't know what to do.
I get really depressed when I am situations that remind me of bad things. I am really close with my dog and if I had to put him down, I would have a really hard time of it. I understand where you are coming from. Is your partner good to you? Is that maybe why you feel bad when you are home? Can you spend some more time with your family while you feel this way? getting away from your current situation might help. Also, are you closely monitored by docs? They need to know if your meds are not working so they can tweak them for you...Keep us posted!
My partner is good to me...no problem there. My dog was put to sleep in May, and I am still having major difficulty. My doc said it is not just the dog it is also about my family. My parents are in poor health, and although I do have other siblings there, it is just not the same for me. I go back and see them two times a year for 2 weeks...this time was just very, very hard to come back. I was fine there, but when I came back, I fell apart and feel anxious, depressed, confused and physically ill. I don't know whether to stay or go back to my family. I come from a small town and moved to a LARGE city that is across the country. I am just hoping the lithium will help me have a clear mind on what to do.
I KNOW what you mean about the faimily--I sleep for days after coming back from my mom's house. She has alzheimers. I am 34 and she is a really young 58. When I visit, i am ok while there, but when I come back I am so drained and depressed and pi&#t off at the world! So keep posting, I am there with ya sista! Glad your partner is good to you, that makes all the diff. in the world. At least you have that going for you!
Even though she is good to me, I still have a strong pull to go back home. Everything and everyone I know is there. The only person I have here is my partner...it is lonely. I don't have anybody else that I can just go to their house and hang out. At least back home I have my family and friends, and it is so much more peaceful there (which sometimes I think I need!)I wish my partner would go with me, but she has to stay here for her mother (she has no other brothers or sisters and her father is passed away. I feel so bad for her, bad for my family, and bad for myself. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation...which I really am. I neve had this many episodes when I lived back home it just seems to be worse here. Life shouldn't be so hard.
No, life should not be so hard, but unfortunatly it is. If our life was all good, we would still find something to compain about (Ohhhh, it is TOOO sunny today. ) Know what I mean?
Sounds like you need another dog! I have a cudley one that I just wrap my arms around when i am lonely. I also take him to the park and he attracts just enought attention that I have some people to talk to for the time being....just a thought!
Tried another dog..it only made things worse, then broke my heart when I returned her. My partner and I agreed no more puppies , now she wants to try another one; I said no, and I think that really made her mad.
We are talking about me going back home for 3 months and see how I feel after that. Maybe this is just a phase...I don't know about anything anymore except I am not happy.