Please don't be scared, doing something is better than doing nothing to help yourself. My daughter did really well on abilify, just keep an eye out for side effects, although abilify is supposed to have less than other meds. Trying to get my mother to get some help as well. She's been an 'undiagnosed' bilpolar all her life--all the classic symptoms, but high functioning. Never wanted to admit she needed 'help'. Now she is a widow and is really having a hard time of it, very depressed and anxious and irritated, but refused to get help. So bottom line, I'm proud of you
Hang in there and keep trying--I'm sure you'll get where you need. In the mean time, there seem to be many knowledgeable folks here, so keep posting.
Take care--love and prayers to you.