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Old 02-28-2006, 04:13 PM   #1
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pucca_chick HB User
Question Bipolar-or moods swings?????-may be long sorry...

Okay, im new here. im 18 and have hid depression for 3 years. no1 knows apart from a doc i visited in secret a yr ago and who was usless and told me i was managing depression and left me to it. It started with just feeling low and annoyed at things that were quite big happening around me, this developed into a full blown mass of dispair. id wake up and start crying, it seemed like i was being compressed by a brick wall be4 i even got out of bed, then id cry getting dressed, the way to skool id cry silently in the back seat, in skool i was numb and trancelike, i heard nothing the teacher said, i wasnt interested in freinds and didnt say very much. id come home, sit in my room and cry for hours, at night id lie awake til 2 in the morning and wake up at 5 again wanting to cry-and then it wud start all over again the next day.

this extreme lasted two months, it then subsided slightly, i still was miserable, every night i cried, but i still functioned and cud force myself to do skool work. from then on its bin an absolute rollerocaster, and most recently now to. i dnt know what it is, one minute im up then im down. sumtimes it lasts a day or two, or perhaps i have a good week, even a month were i feel normal with the odd hyper and ecstatic episode. but mostly it runs throughout the day. i wake up wanting to cry, everything seems rubbish there is no hope.i tolerate skool and just adjust after 3 yrs ive learnt to just get on with things. then wen i come home or some time ill have a hyper period, were im actually jumping in the air or ive ran round the room be4 cos i felt like id burst with exitment and energy over nothing. i put peoples heads away alot, im loud, and quite child like in humour at times, i talk so fast no1 can understand what im saying and they get frustrated(onc my mom asked if i was on drugs lol), i jump from one thing to another, i cannot focus on anything, pple cant follow me expecially my dad who notices that i change subject and pull topics out of nowhere. i find i have all these great hopes and ideas that im going to do when im older in my career, ive made sum stupid career decisions and uni choices based on my mood at the time,sumtimes i convince myself im fine and that nothing bad ever happened or that i was never depressed, it changes so often i find it difficult to be happy, im a different person at a different moment of the day or week or month so i cant stick to nething. during these times ill have only 4/5 hours sleep a night for maybe 5 nights in a row and i dont feel tired,ill go non-stop. ther is rarley a time whe i feel normal nemore, but its bin so long i cant remeber what it felt like so i dnt know if im normal again.

i have researched sum of bipolar, im not labeling myself as bipolar im just keeping my eyes open and i know u cannot diagnose me, i need a doctor for that, but im at home and only just 18, my parents will find out and i dont have much faith in doctors after the last one was so unhelpful and just didnt look in the slightest bit interested. what shud i do, does this sound like bipolar cud be a possiblilty, im confused cos i fit sum criteria but others i dont, like now im sorta ok. altho today i did have a hyper moment, then a really depressed and angry mood were i went to SH and now im pretty bored and numb u cud say. plz help, from ne1 who suffers or knows about this. plz help. xox

 
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Old 02-28-2006, 04:53 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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BeckyPie7 HB User
Re: Bipolar-or moods swings?????-may be long sorry...

Hey,
Sounds like you've got the right idea. You really do need to see a doctor for this. I think it's pretty safe to say that you need help, whether you are bipolar or not I don't know. Anyway, I do have advice when seeing the doctor.
Please go see your regular doctor and tell him/her what's going on. Explain it just the way you did here. Ask them to refer you to a psychiatrist. I wasn't smart enough to do that and my family doctor diagnosed me and perscribed me medicine he was really not qualified to do. He should have sent me to a psychiatrist but he told me I didn't need to go to one which is absolutely wrong. That's the sort of doctor you should see but it's best to go to your family doctor so you can be refered to a good one. I know it's hard to get the help but things can only get better from that point on.

Your parents and friends have to know something is going on and, believe me, they will be relieved that you are getting help and you will to. Don't expect everything to be great right away but it will get better.

 
Old 02-28-2006, 08:50 PM   #3
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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klawk316 HB User
Re: Bipolar-or moods swings?????-may be long sorry...

Hi pucca_chick,

I agree whole heartily with Beckypie. She gave great advise, I hope you have ears to hears. I suffered with bipolar disorder for 20 years before I finally got help. During those years I would make doctor appointments, while I was depressed, and then cancel them when I was up. I was great at hiding myself;; had no friend and separated myself emotionally from my family. What a waste I made of my life. Please be wise and adhere to Becky's wise advise. Medication may not cure all, and may have some side effects, but at least you'll have a life, and not a living hell... Karen

 
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