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cujo25 · 03-06-2006, 05:43 AM

Hello all, I haven't been here since May '05. I posted this thread:

[url]http://www.healthboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=237734[/url]

about my situation at the time with my ex-gf who is bipolar. Since then, as of September 2005 she called me after 8 months! and we have been hanging out and talking since then, up until this past Tuesday that is

*sorry for the length but it really helps set the situation.

Basically she has seemed like her normal self since Sept., still get her moodswings and become angry or depressed about nothing but it wasn't anything major, just lots of stress over money she owed and things she had to pay for. Now a little over a week ago (last saturday 2/25) she started to seem much happier, just her mood in general seemed to be up more so then most of the 5 months we had been hanging out again.

She works late and the next day she got home unusually late for a work night and talked to me online, she is NORMALLY very tired afterwork and goes home. Instead she hung out with a few GFs from her work til 5am. Next day same thing only 630am this time. During this I am talking to her like normal even that late at night on the phone but I can tell something is different, she has WAY too much energy and keeps me on the phone til almost 8am. I see her Tuesday and WOW, she is off the walls goofy, laughing uncontrollably, just non-stop everything. Fast questions etc.. and just goofy behavior. Her eyes just look like shiny or glazed over, its just visible when looking at her that something is different. Well later that night, same scenario she doesnt get home to talk to me online til 6am, talks to me on the phone til almost 8 again, we are usually both asleep no later then 3. I of course am liking this to a point, the talking is great but I realize its unusual.

Then comes wed., long workday for her yet she didnt come home til 7am this time, again on the phone with her til 830am. The convo didnt go as well this time, she started to get mad at me since I seemed upset about some guy she met, beyond that she was already in a weird mood said she felt a low coming on if we kept on talking about the guy thing. (We aren't together but recently discussed us and were taking it slow, and if she wanted to get into a relationship it would be with me etc... but right now she has far too much to do and work 6 DAYS A WEEK.) The importance of that is I was worried about her and this guy not us, he is a paranormalist that messes with minds and all that weird stuff that a person in her condition DOES NOT need. So she proceeds to tell me there is something weird about him, creepy but she cant figure out what draws her to him. I then mention she seems different all the sudden the past few days and she said she was the following "weird, psychotic, I need help." She then says with a bit of a laugh "i have different personalities". It was just weird to hear these things come out of her mouth, she must have mumbled something about being psychotic 3 times. She also explained she is "getting along with strangers right now" meaning people from work and people she just met that she wouldnt normally hang out with or have anything in common with. Said she feels mad towards close people and family members.

Well we ended that convo on a ok note and she wasnt too upset at me. We talked the next several days but she wasnt herself and didnt say much. Said she didnt want to hang out just yet because she "doesnt want to get angry at me right now". Last time we were together and we had a bad argument she got so angry it caused her to not talk to me for 8 months, so this could be a good move although it sucks.

So that brings me to now, we are talking fine for the most part, just more online then phone. But here is where it gets even messier, that paranormalist guy, well she has seen him everyday for the past 7 days and relationship seems to have started on thursday. Ok, atleast 3 of these days she was supposed to work and she HAS to work, well she missed ALL her work days since meeting him. They are already planning a trip to vegas and she has brought him to meet her family etc... I mean ALL this stuff happened in a couple days, and the week prior she explained how she has no time for anyone becasue of her obligations, and she has been that way for atleast 8 months.

*EDIT: Also something I have read is when manic lots of goals get started then incompleted. Well she wanted to start modeling and I took pictures of her on Tuesday, its all she was talking about in the week prior. Well now she completely dropped that as of this past week when she got weird, and this was HUGE to her has her current job makes her miserable. Night and Day.

Main points:

- bouncing off the walls with energy
- sleeps 1-3 hours a night (week before this happened slept a normal 7-9)
- up til 7 or 8am
- ditched work repeatedly at a time she needs to work almost everyday
- went shopping the other day when she shouldnt be spending
- hasnt been eating really
- with someone who normally isnt her type
- says she is getting along with people she doesnt normally ever hang out with
- feels a bit mad towards those close to her like family members etc.. for no reason
- is in this weird OVERNIGHT relationship and seems to want to see the world with him
- admits she is being "nice" right now
- started something she wanted for a longtime and dropped interest right after the mood change

So that is that, it seems obvisous, this is round 2 for me so its not as hard, plus we werent officially together. But it still hurts to have that person back in your life then see them change OVERNIGHT and do all the things they said they dont or wouldnt do. As of the the prior week she was still totally herself, the way she was since I started seeing her again in September. Any insight on this would be great, also she is not on meds, stopped them Dec. 2004.

Thanks and again SORRY FOR THE LENGTH!

twoeyez · 03-06-2006, 11:51 AM

cujo :

You give an excellent account of a full blown mania. I would suggest you
"cut the chase" and arrange an appointment with a pdoc. SAP.

She needs to start a mood stabilizer such as lithium.

Good Luck

Eyes

cujo25 · 03-06-2006, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EYESTWO22

cujo :

You give an excellent account of a full blown mania. I would suggest you
"cut the chase" and arrange an appointment with a pdoc. SAP.

She needs to start a mood stabilizer such as lithium.

Good Luck

Eyes

Hey Eyes,

So are you saying I sort of hit the nail on the head as this being a full out mania?. I assume so, but last time around I wasn't able to really "witness" everything as we were not in contact once it started. This time though I seem to be seeing most of it before my eyes. Unfortunately, and despite her saying she needs help I don't think I can help her. She would simply cut me off again and get angry with me. She seems to be aware that she is out of her mind but obviously doesnt want this "happiness" to end. And now that she is seeing this person alot I doubt I will be seeing her too often so that would make it even mroe difficult to help. It really bugs me that these new people have no idea about her and I feel like she is so vulnerable and easy to take advantage of in a sense.

I am curious what will happen if she hits a crash, or a really bad mood and suddenly he wonders what is going on?.

And yea she definitely needs to get back on something, its been over a year and her methods she has tried to use to not become depressed etc.. are not healthy and I think she is in denial that you can't just naturally recover from this. She used to take zyprexia but I dont think that was the right one for her, still though kept her much more stable most of the time.

Ruth6:11 · 03-06-2006, 03:44 PM

Repeat after me!
"Her behavior is a SYMPTOM that she had no control over without medication."

She cannot control the mania (and that IS what you described), she cannnot control the irritability, anger or rapid speech.

Like Eyes said, she needs a Mood Stabilizer. Even when she gets to feeling better she needs to KEEP taking the Mood Stabilizer or she will have more of these behaviors/symptoms of her Bipolar Disorder. Keep reminding yourself that she has no control over her behavior.
The behavior is NOT the problem.
The Bipolar Disorder that causes the behaviors/symptoms is the problem!!

twoeyez · 03-06-2006, 05:05 PM

There is Wisdom and Knowledge that comes from Ruth.

She has over 20 year of stability with Lithium to show the way

(Perhaps,she is looking for a support person,cujo, as your self to find "the way" to some sort of stability. You have the love and the knowlege to help her. You need to listen to your intuitions.)

Eyes

cujo25 · 03-06-2006, 05:26 PM

Hey Ruth!

Longtime and was hoping you would see this. Yea I understand its the Bipolar, im not questioning these actions the way I did the first time around in the sense that "is this the bipolar?". It's just this time I guess im studying it in a way as I seem to be experiencing it first hand and able to somewhat witness it this time. It's not easy to see her like this but I guess I have stuck around for her this long and she is something special to me whatever that may be so figured I might as well try to understand it more etc..

It just shocking to see the major changes take place overnight, whereas before I just assumed what was going on as I wasn't in contact or witnessing anything in person. I think I am definitely one of the few she has confided in with this, when she came back she was like her normal self, and then here we go. She knows I know, and she seems to know that things between us can become damaged if we are around each other when she is like this, much as I hate it I guess it somewhat of a positive as I know we care deeply about each other. I also think if we didn't have something special she wouldn't tell me all the details of whats going on and the things she says like "psychotic" etc.. she knows I have been aware of these things since day one.

I just hope for the best once again but this is round 2 and it is taking a toll. Perhaps for the better as I am realising we may never have a good relationship again and may just be close friends. I am now 27 and would like to find someone to grow with in a lifetime relationship, with this I want it more then anything in the world but I have a feeling it will always be on and off, up and down etc... unless she wants to commit to serious treatment and work together. Everytime something like this overnight romance occurs it makes me wonder how long will it last? as good as it looks now what kind of drama will unfold when she crashes or something? bah, its a waiting game but one I know I don't need to put my life on hold for.

cujo25 · 03-06-2006, 05:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EYESTWO22

(Perhaps,she is looking for a support person,cujo, as your self to find "the way" to some sort of stability. You have the love and the knowlege to help her. You need to listen to your intuitions.)

Eyes

I could see that, the way she confides in me and tells me this things about herself when she could simply just explode at me and end it like that which she never has. But what do I do in this position? she is crazy happy and running around, blowing off her job completely (didnt even go today!). If I was to try and talk to her about it she would probably either get extremely irritated with me and cut off current communication, or just try to deny it and say it is me or something.

twoeyez · 03-07-2006, 05:11 AM

cujo :

As a Support Person,you are not the "where with all"of knowledge and love for her. You know she needs much more support. Start accepting this as fact.
Try to get her to professionals (pdoc and tdoc). You have been her

however, it is now time to "do the right thing" for her

Eyes

Ruth6:11 · 03-07-2006, 07:32 AM

Hey Cujo! Glad to see that you are THE Cujo from way back!
I'm going to jump in here about your last post to Eyes - (And don't let him fool you about me being "wise & knowledgeable"... I'm the JR here!!

)

There is no way to talk to a person who is way out on the mania extreme of mood swings. I'm going to cut & post a quote from myself back on your first thread because it still applies:

Quote:

Wait until she is somewhere inbetween depressed or manic... then tell her that her taking medication is as much a part of any vows as being faithful or richer or poorer, etc. There are people like mudhound who have lived with a wife with bipolar disorder - he is bound by his marriage vows. And her meds do not always work the greatest - it has caused much stress.
But to PURPOSELY be involved with someone who would expose you to endless cycles of irritation, anger, psychosis, debilitating depression - without at least taking their meds???
Please re-think what real love in a tough case like this may be!
(You've heard it said that God helps those who help themselves?)

I have no guarantee that Mr. Ruth could deal with me if I wasn't on medication. He's never known me when I wasn't on lithium.
The thing is, I love him enough to never ever purposely have him deal with catatonic depressions and psychotic manias.
She needs to take her meds - but as I said a year ago, talk to her when she's in the "normal" phase. She is Bipolar Type I??)

Sorry that there's no magic answer for you - because the solution lies in HER hands and only she can get beyond the anti-med nothing's wrong with me I'm fine mentality.
And Cujo, as always I absolutely admire you for your effort to understand...
People like you are few & far between!
Ruthie

cujo25 · 03-08-2006, 01:16 AM

Thanks as always Ruth, I am atleast handling it MUCH better then the first time around. I was down for a few days badly but im keeping up with my work and eating this week

It definitely helps that we are communicating and I am able to somewhat "monitor" things so we'll have to see what happens, and if it is some how brought up that she wants help or mentions she needs it again I will then move in with a suttle manner and try to get her to do it.

I will let you know how things go.

Thanks all!

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