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i need help

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Old 03-19-2006, 07:35 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: manchester
Posts: 2
robofrodo HB User
i need help

I dont know where to begin, 2years ago i started a seing a girl i had know for around five years,i dint think it as i knew her for so long but she is was and allways will be the 1 for me.we got engaged oh her birthday after being together for 8 months,again as was unsure but when i asked her her reaction was enough for me,,,she has allways told me she had problems, and as i hadnt seen any mood swings,i dint really do much other than say fine,,, she has allways told me that she has bp,

But until today i havnt looked on the internet, things have been getin bad recently,i have noticed things than just dont add up,,i have been finding recipts that she dosnet tell me about,,,

she is heavly in debt and when i started with her and i wasnt but i took it on and have been working hard to pay it off,, basicly all my money goes on the debt which i dont mind as i love her,,,

i suspect she is lieing ,and she is secrtly spending money we dont have,,,, due to theses things i have been keeping a close eye on her,,, if someone with bp is lieing and secretly doing stuff are they likely to cheat on me as well???,,

Due to the lack of trust that has come about we are arguing badly and i am at my wits end,,, she has told me she has feelings of suicde,,my brother killed himself in 2001(he was 19 i was 21) so i find this extreamly difficult,,

i dont kno if i am helping or hindering her ,, and weather i should stay or go,if we split i have been offerd a plane ticket to australia and i wuldnt be in debt any more,, but what is money and a holiday going to do for me if i am not with the one i love so much,,,, kan i help her , if so how?

Last edited by robofrodo; 03-19-2006 at 11:51 AM.

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Old 03-19-2006, 07:55 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 618
bpd_bipolar HB User
Re: i need help

Since she is BP, you need to get her to a doctor. She needs to be on medication (well, that is for the doc to decide), but you need to get her to see she has a problem.

Trust is hard when you are BiPolar, but you need to hold on and help her if you truyl love her.

When I was married, my husband was mentally fine and he had to put up with me. I still don't know how he did it. I am with someone else now and I see the BP with my boyfriend, I just can't see how my ex put up with me. I have a hard time with mine.

But, I really think you should get her help. You both could go to counseling together, this way you both can learn about the disease and how to work with it and not against it.

Just my opinion.........

Old 03-19-2006, 08:51 AM   #3
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: manchester
Posts: 2
robofrodo HB User

thank you , i feel as though i should hold on even if shes unsure,, she does go to the doctor and she is on medication,, although she feels the doctores dont kno how to help her,,her tablets at the moment not sure what they are did start to help her but she feels as though there now not working,, i dont kno where else to take her but the local docter who keep passing her round the heath team and social workers ,, but surley she needs coucling or theropy???

Old 03-20-2006, 07:35 AM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 618
bpd_bipolar HB User
Re: i need help

It took me ( had BPD and BP since I was 12) 12 years to find a doc that diagnosed me correctly and then after that it took years of meds to find the two that work for me the best. There is no quick way hun, if there were then it would be easier, I know that all too well.

All I can offer is my advice and that is keep changing the meds (make sure she takes them for two weeks to start, that's how long it takes to get into your system to start to work) until you find that right combo. It took me a lot of years to get the right meds for me, so it will take some time to get the right meds for her and she won't be able to tell that things are working right off, it will be the people closest to her that notice if she is changing a little in her actions.

I know it's hard. I truly do know. Try to hang in there and if you love each other, you will be oh k. Just keep the doc appointments and make sure she takes her meds as directed. Keep a journal, have her keep one. You will need the therapy along with the meds to work the full spectrum of help.

I went to a group meeting for 4 years and it helped me out. I was able to stop going and just see my doc 2 times a month now and take my meds. I still have my moods, but I also have a boyfriend that helps me through when I really need it.

You just need to hang in and make sure you take care of yourself as well.

Old 05-30-2006, 05:57 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 181
beforeXdishonor HB User
Re: i need help

Spending money that she or you doesn't have is a sure thing when she's manic. And ending up in debt can happen numerous times. Just keep a close eye on the finances and don't give her a credit card!.

Just because she lies about things like that does not mean she is going to cheat on you. Although it has been known that people with BP can have a high sex drives at times, and can cheat, it's also just as likely that she won't.
I have been with my husband for quite some time and have never cheated on him, and probably never will. Although I have cheated in the past. It's like any other relationship, It all depends on if the relationship is good or bad, if the other partnet is tentative or not, etc.

As long as you two are in a great relationship, I don't think you have much to worry about.

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