New needing to talk! - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

codependent1 · 03-19-2006, 07:10 PM

Hello all! I hope to keep this somewhat short, but I have a lot going on right now and I would love to meet all of you and hear what you have to say! To begin, I have a history of childhood abuse (by alcoholic parents) and mental problems, and am well aware that I am unbelievably codependent. Because of my need to fix every problem and know what's going on all the time, I drove my fiancee completely insane and he has exiled me from his life for the time being. All I would ever do while I was with him is talk about our relationship and about how I wasn't being paid enough attention to, life was unfair, etc. A total complainer, gloom and doom type. NOT fun to be around. So now he only calls me when he needs me to do something for him or needs sex. And of course I oblige because, you guessed it, I'm codependent and have this insatiable need to help. Obviously self esteem is lacking, and I'm also very sensitive so, yes, I love him and I can feel every emotion I have down to the very core of my being. My problem is this. I have unbelievable mood swings in which I can go from wailing and sobbing with a profoundly deep sadness in my chest to raging irate, not caring what I say to whom and what the repercussions may be. And instead of limiting this to my relationship, it's been affecting my entire life. I'm completely out of control and can't stop the anger, hatred, sadness, despair, etc. My doctor thinks I'm bipolar, but it seems that with everything I've read, bipolar cycling is not something that happens 100 times a day. I know I need to be on medication, but I'm scared to death of pills (I also have tremendous anxiety and worry about everything) and now that my fiancee is gone and I have no friends, I am scared of side effects and no one being around to help me if I need it. I know taking these pills will most likely instigate a panic attack. I was prescribed Symbyax and I'm hopeful that someone can share their experiences with this medication or suggest something else that I can try. I'm desperate and at the end of my rope here. Literally everything that is said to me either makes me cry or makes me violently angry. I need to be well enough so I can go back to work so I can keep my insurance to seek treatment. Please help... I would be so appreciative. Thanks in advance!

Codependent1

goody2shuz · 03-20-2006, 06:58 AM

Hi I am rather new here too, seeking advice for my daughter. It is quite obvious that SOMETHING is affecting your life in terms of how you feel about yourself and interact with others. And you NEED to find out what exactly it is.

Your first step to getting well is admitting that you have a problem in the first place.

If you feel as if you are becoming "violently angry" you may need the assistance of an inpatient program to be properly evaluated and treated. At the very least you need to make an appointment with a psychiatirst to be properly evaluated. I wouldn't be scared of meds...just as if you would need antibiotics for an infection you may need a medication to take care of your mental well being. You NEED to think of it that way and go get the help that you need otherwise every aspect of your life will continue to be affected from relationships to your job.

I hope you get the help that you need. Like I said the first step is admitting you have a problem the second is doing something to take care of it like getting yourself to a doctor. Good luck ~ Goody

Firstlove · 03-24-2006, 01:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by codependent1

Hello all! I hope to keep this somewhat short, but I have a lot going on right now and I would love to meet all of you and hear what you have to say! To begin, I have a history of childhood abuse (by alcoholic parents) and mental problems, and am well aware that I am unbelievably codependent. Because of my need to fix every problem and know what's going on all the time, I drove my fiancee completely insane and he has exiled me from his life for the time being. All I would ever do while I was with him is talk about our relationship and about how I wasn't being paid enough attention to, life was unfair, etc. A total complainer, gloom and doom type. NOT fun to be around. So now he only calls me when he needs me to do something for him or needs sex. And of course I oblige because, you guessed it, I'm codependent and have this insatiable need to help. Obviously self esteem is lacking, and I'm also very sensitive so, yes, I love him and I can feel every emotion I have down to the very core of my being. My problem is this. I have unbelievable mood swings in which I can go from wailing and sobbing with a profoundly deep sadness in my chest to raging irate, not caring what I say to whom and what the repercussions may be. And instead of limiting this to my relationship, it's been affecting my entire life. I'm completely out of control and can't stop the anger, hatred, sadness, despair, etc. My doctor thinks I'm bipolar, but it seems that with everything I've read, bipolar cycling is not something that happens 100 times a day. I know I need to be on medication, but I'm scared to death of pills (I also have tremendous anxiety and worry about everything) and now that my fiancee is gone and I have no friends, I am scared of side effects and no one being around to help me if I need it. I know taking these pills will most likely instigate a panic attack. I was prescribed Symbyax and I'm hopeful that someone can share their experiences with this medication or suggest something else that I can try. I'm desperate and at the end of my rope here. Literally everything that is said to me either makes me cry or makes me violently angry. I need to be well enough so I can go back to work so I can keep my insurance to seek treatment. Please help... I would be so appreciative. Thanks in advance!

Codependent1

Hi Codependent,
I dont want you to take this the wrong way, but as I read your post, I laughed all the way through it, I could so relate to every word you wrote.
You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself.

I too am a proud survivor of child abuse, I have been in relationships that have not succeeded also for some of the reasons you have mentioned above, my marriage failed and I was diagnosed as having chronic depression, which they now call bipolar.
My doctor had me on prozac and some other meds, but I ended up giving them all up and trying to handle my problem on my own.

I have a eating disorder which pretty much has ruled my life for the last 30 years, I am passive and apparently, have no lust or appreciation for life.. ( I get told that heaps)

I wish you all the luck in the world with your healing/recovery journey... I am so glad to be on this site where we can discuss these matters freely without fear of judgement.

Take care