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Old 03-27-2006, 04:12 PM   #1
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Pinkstardust HB User
Angry Does anyone ever feel 'blocked'?what is this curse?? PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE REPLY!

HI! arghh, im so glad to see ppl like me out there, it's really extremely hard to find ppl to relate to! my problem is this block which is pretty much constant aside from a few instances, the most being during a high some time back. Like expecially with my boyfriend, i get BLOCKED! i can't feel or see him, like even acknowledge he is there???I thought perhaps he's not the one for me,but then suddenly in the high i LOVED him soooooo much, and sometimes the block leaves and i adore him,,,but then it returns and i don't feel ANYTHING...and it's so frustrating, cos i dumped him once for this...well several times, and suddeny I MISS HIM...is it just attachment?oh gosh, this is killing me! u think it's hard for the bipolar significant other...it's miserable for the one suffering from the disease
like im so flippant...between commitment phobia,detachment,anger, suddenly loving him so much,BLOCK(nothing is reality)...it's so confusing? do i even love him? i am so confused??if i don't, why do i seek him first, why do i get depressed when he leave me, why do i sometimes look at him and think im so lucky and think he;s adorble and love him and other times, i cna't comprehend that he's a peron with feelings?
would u believe he once proposed to me? well initially i even encouraged it, cos i wanted it...here and there...then just before he did it, i was so excited then as he did,felt nothing..like a play...then a week later i returned the ring...and then suddenly when he was upset i couldn't SEE it or feel it...he pinched my skin and said 'the way it hurts u when i pinch u....it hurts me too'...words made sense...but hey my emotions don't work?????i mean even if he were an acquaintance, should i not feel sympathy
and then suddenly i go for vacation, and i am DYING without him, daydream...HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP
is anyone PLEASE ANYONE living with this wretched reality??
i sometimes want him to LEAVE!!this is too hard! cos whaat if im mking this up,and i just don't love him, but sometimes inside I KNOW I DO!!!!! and i don't wann be with anyone else...but sometimes i think maybe i do,but don't know it and he SHOULD leave me...
HELP!!!BIPOLAR=END OF ME!!!
aaaaah!!!!
he's been so understanding and now when i think of him...i feel so grateful and content....WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?????

Last edited by Pinkstardust; 03-27-2006 at 04:35 PM.

 
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Old 03-27-2006, 04:52 PM   #2
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Griseldis HB User
Re: Does anyone ever feel 'blocked'?what is this curse??

Wow, yeah, that must be hard for you. I just met someone who is very important to me and who is most probably bipolar. He goes through these episodes of being entirely emotionally detached. Just last night he would all of a sudden detach and say that he has attachment issues. He is crazy about me and this connection we have is unlike any other I have experienced before, so I know that he loves me very much. But every so often, he goes through these episodes of being entirely detached and unfeeling. It's a matter of trust to cope with them and it's good to know that it's him being bipolar, not his love for me vanishing all of a sudden. But I have to add that these are brief episodes of perhaps a few hours or so.

I think it's just very important that your partner understands this. I have been able to "swing" with his mood swings (elation, emotional detachment, severe lows)
because he reassures me constantly and he knows I really need this reassurance. As long as I can be sure that he loves me, I can handle the episodes during which he doesn't seem to very well. And he is so absolutely amazing that it's entirely worth it!

 
Old 03-27-2006, 05:02 PM   #3
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Re: Does anyone ever feel 'blocked'?what is this curse??

thanks so much for your reply! speaking from the 'other side'...haha...he does love you, it's just this illness, and im so glad to hear that's it's going well! see everytime, things seem to be dark with my boyfriend, i try to lighten the situation and say things like' hey well at least u can never complain about too much stability..'...haha

 
Old 03-28-2006, 11:28 PM   #4
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Re: Does anyone ever feel 'blocked'?what is this curse??

yeah I'd like to know what the hell this is also I'm married for 25 year's 3 grown kids and 4 grandkids. I love my husband one minute and hate him the next! I have left him, and have thought about leaving him a few more times. But what the hell is this?? I care for him,if anything ever happened to him I don't know what i'd do! I can be down right cruel to him,and I don't care. Next day i'm like why did I do that to him? It never ends....I don't know how he takes my crap now for year's. I know he loves me,he really has to ,no one else would put up with me. I read some where that we do tend to treat our spouse's or boyfriends like this.I guess it's true because we do! Isn't being bipolar wonderfull

cagedbird~

 
Old 03-29-2006, 12:31 PM   #5
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sarahbear2555 HB User
Re: Does anyone ever feel 'blocked'?what is this curse??

Hi stardust,
I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!!! I have been there and done that myself and believe me when I say that it is just the illness talking. It's so hard. So so hard to deal with. I'm so sorry that you have to feel this way. I've taken it to the extreme. Before my boyfriend and I lived together whenever he didn't call me or whenever he wanted to be alone I totally would freak out that he was with another girl. I had myself convinced that he was just using me. It was this whole huge cycle. It got so bad that I began to start cutting when he wouldn't call me because I was so damn anxious. Then when he did call me I would be completely numb to anything. I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel anything at all. It was the worst experience. I still have episodes like that but now my boyfriend knows about my illness and he reassures me that he still loves me.
Are you going to a therapist or pdoc. Maybe you need to have your meds changed. I was told that when I would go through this whole cycle that it was because I was in a mixed state. I was taking ativan for a little while until the other meds kicked in. It was a lifesaver for me. Talking to a therapist might help you to identify when you are going into one of those episodes and they may be able to offer sugestions as to what you can do to soothe yourself. Therapy has really helped me. I would also suggest that you try yoga or deep breathing exercises. I know it's probably what everyone recomends but it does work. It helps to bring you back down to reality. It brings you into the now. If you don't like going to gym just try laying flat on your back, put your hands on your belly, and take slow, deep breaths. Try to make your belly rise. Thats why you put your hands on your belly. Push your belly button to the ceiling. Just lye there and fucos on your breathing. It sounds super cheesy but it helps, if evan just a little. Try to get your boyfriend to read up on being bipolar. The more the both of you know the better off you will be. Good luck,
Sarah

 
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