Re: Thank you
Thanks for your post. No my daughter is not in any therapy. I tried to get her to go but the therapist said that unless she wants to be there it would be useless. I have asked my family to attend family therapy, but my husband is totally against it. I had asked both my GP and my pediatrician two years ago for a referral to a child psychologist and both gave me the song and dance about the waiting lists here in Ontario. Needless to say I did not get the referral and I am kicking myself now. My daughter can't make her way up a list if she is not even on it it the first place. I took her to a four day Pathways to Successul Living seminar in September which helps one deal with the past, work on the present and set goals for the future. It also teaches you how to ask for support, how to check out assumptions and to go outside of your comfort zone, take risks and express how you are feeling. I had hoped that it would help my daughter learn to express her feelings better and it did to a point. I have been involved with Pathways (they have seminars in New Jersey, and Chicago throughtout the year but come to Canada twice a year)for over two years now and it helped ME realize that the way my daughter is is not my fault and that I am not a terrible mother or a failure, which is how I have felt for over ten years. It also taught me that I cannot be a martyr which I have been very guilty of in the past. At the seminar, I had asked to speak with my daughter's group leader ,to be told that all she said in her small group was confidential, and I respected that. We had an episode while attending the seminar and the facilitator stepped in. This woman is absolutely phenomenol. She worked with my daughter one on one for over an hour and talked to me after. She told me that my daughter was afraid to share me with anyone and that she felt that she did not have enough time alone with me. I explained that I have two other children both with learning difficulties and both diagnosed with ADHD. My daughter practically goes everywhere with me, moreso than the other two do and I make sure I spend quality time with her. Part of my problem was that I did not have enough time for just me. I told the facilitator that the only way I could spend more alone time with my daughter was by moving out and getting an apartment with just her and I. I realize now, my daughter was/had been experiencing major separtation anxiety and unknowingly, I had been feeding it all along. Even though I never left her, she was still feeling that I did when I had to help my other two children. Pathways is the closest that I have ever gotten her to counselling. This week, it seems as if she is in a bit of a manic state. She talks non stop, laughs at everything even if it is not funny (usually her mania is mainly irritability, but this has been totally different) and her room is spotless. Normally she is a typical sloppy teenager and her room is a nightmare. My philosophy is she lives in it and if I don't like it, I can always close the door. As long as she does not eat in there or ask me where her stuff is, then I don't have a problem as it is her domain...a place she can call her own.
May I ask Goody, how did you get your daughter into therapy? Did she go willingly? Is it a cousellor or a psychologist? I want to find out what all my options are, and anything that I can learn will be very helpful and greatly appreciated!