Because of my last episode, I missed two weeks of college. Please wish me luck in going back to school and work. I am nervous and anxious about it. It was my fault, but I need reassurance to start back up the hill so to speak. This last back-slide was horrible.
I'm a college freshman; I'm not bipolar, but I do have severe OCD, severe panic attacks, GAD, and Asperger's, so I know what it's like to have to deal with college and a mental illness. You may feel especially guilty right now, but don't beat yourself up too badly- for people like us, there are simply days that we can't physically go to class, and your professors need to understand that. Do you have a strong connection with your counseling center at the college? I told a lot of my teachers about my problems, so they understand; I've really gone into detail with two of my professors, I've let some of the others know that I have psychiatric disabilities, and the rest don't even know, but it might be a good idea to let them know so they simply don't think you're some slacker. If you have any questions or just want to talk, I'm here!
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
Thank you for the encouragement. I haven't spoken to the people at the wellness center yet. I did speak with my councilor at Student Support Services. He was encouraging and I hope I can salvage some decent grades from the semester and not go on academic probation. During my last episode I got a crazy feeling and just up and headed for the hills. I was gone long enough for my family to freak out and start looking for me. That is what I meant by being responsible for it. So getting back to school isn't going to be easy.
Coincidentaly this all happened at the begining of April Fools Day, which I wasn't even aware of at the time, and now I'm afraid that half the students are going to thing I am some kind of grandiose prankster. The hardest part of getting back into my routine is just realizing I have an illness, and not alienating the people that love me. My brother went searching for me high and low. I'm greatful for him, but at the same time, I need to heal whatever this festering wound in my soul is and lead a happy normal life.
Thanks again for the encouragement. That's what I needed the most right now.
Well back to school. I just finished the first day of back to school, and I feel like ten times more nervous about being back. Somebody said, "Why'd you go and freak everybody out?" It feels like the campus is buzzing with rumors and rhetoric. I really hope this doesn't last long and that most people forget. I am worried also about the people that do care about me. How do I let them know that I am feeling better now, thanks to the depakote, without broadcasting that I'm a lunatic? I knew that this wasn't going to be easy.
During my last episode, I missed quite a bit of work. During one of the days in which I was actually able to call in, I called up the CEO and said some things that would get bleeped out of X rated movies. (Somehow I kept my job) I was hospitalized after a co-worker claimed I called him up in the middle of the night threatening to kill his mother (I have no memory of this at all) I came back to work after about 1 and a half weeks and I just ignored the questions. Some people would say, Where have you been? Before you left you were doing X. What was that all about?" I would just look at them like they were the crazy one and say, "I did what? Are you joking? No I didn't." and then I'd walk off leaving them perplexed. I did have to explain the situation to the CEO and assure my coworker that his mother was going to be just fine. Other than that, I just got back into the swing of things and pretended nothing had ever happened. Pretty soon, after I was able to show that I was back to my "old self", people quit asking question and we went about our work day.
Thanks for the reassurance BP Puff&Stuff. Work today was weird, but the hardest part for me is convincing myself that I can still perform well and handle the stress. Working in a kitchen can be a serious drag. On a lighter note though I have used profanities the likes of which may make sailors blush. I've been trying to get a handle on that. have a good one.
Good news. I am back to school and work and I am stabilizing. Depakote and Paxil are working great for me. The only problem is still that people are giving me weird looks and the atmosphere rapidly changes the minute my presence is felt. What the hell is that? Does anybody have any advice for ignoring other people. Sometimes I wish people wouldn't talk so loud.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I have missed countless hours and weeks of school. At first I was really hesitant about letting my teachers know about my condition, but when one of my teachers asked me what was wrong and I told her she, was extremely empathetic. Now, I print off the symptoms primer from this site and make a copy for all my teachers. Any missed classes I get my psychiatrist to write me a note so I get wavered from my absenses and it doesn't affect my marks. It's confidential between myself and my teachers so I don't have to worry about my classmates. I just simply say I was sick. I think once people are informed about things they are more empathetic and understanding.
Thanks xxKitteNxx. I don't know why I am so closed about my condition. It's really hard to share detailed info like that with teachers, or anybody. I'll keep trying though. Thanks for the encouragement.