Hi Tracy-I'm exactly the same way. I quite often feel like I just don't belong. Having BPD is a double edged sword. You're glad to know that there are reasons for the way you are but your confidence in yourself as a social person might not be so great. You just dont want to get hurt anymore. It's a scary thing.
There's a wonderful book I came across recently. It was the title that grabbed my attention. It's called A Party of One: A Loner's Manifesto. I'm sorry that I can't remember the author's name. It had a huge impact on me and it might help you, too. If you pick this book up you'll start to see your own thought and feelings in there over and over. It's really comforting. Do this for yourself-it's not one of those creepy self-help books that makes you feel worse. It's an intimate insight into the feelings of those of us who do find ourselves alone. Take good care Tracy
I entirely can understand your being "alone" but not really alone. I have that feeling quite reguarly. I would love to know who what and where on locating a support group, Any ideas for North Carolina anyone?
Live each day as if it were your last.