It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Bipolar Disorder Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-02-2006, 01:35 AM   #1
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 19
BipolarKimmy HB User
Thank you guys...

I feel very welcomed already... It's so nice to know there are people here who actually know what I'm going through, and we can all support each other, It really is relieving..
Well as requested, Here is a little more depth into my illness....

When i was younger, I always thought i was different, It's hard to expain this part, but I just didn't feel I was like all the other kids at school. I was also a bit naughty, sometimes i would get the sudden urge to steal something (little things) Thats under control now... Also (this part is a little embarrassing) I started to masturbate at a very young age, and because I'm a girl, I used to think it was perverted, now I realise this "could" have been the Bipolar..

I'm 21 now, and have been through a hell of a lot of emotional turmoil... from the age of 6 pretty much, Life wasn't great...I'm not sure I'm ready to go into this just yet, but it would be nice to one day let it all out, I never talk about any of this stuff, I'm feeling upset now just thinking about it...

Life started getting better for me when I moved out of my parents home, I now have a wonderful fiance who is very supportive ( but there are still things I can't tell him) We are in love, and want to spend our life together, But...

I'm still very confused..My mood changes all the time, when I'm depressed, I feel so lonely, I cry and cry, I feel sorry for myself, and worthless, I hate how I look, and don't want to leave the house, I don't want to talk to anyone...
When I feel good, I feel very good! I like myself, I think I'm pretty, I want to be in social places....but sometimes have uncontrolable fits of (I'm not sure how else to put this) "movement" I get all silly, and start dancing around making silly noises (a little embarrassing after) I also have done a couple of risky things, sometimes I feel like nothing can hurt me, I'm superwoman.

I'm not always either depressed or happy..Sometimes I feel quite normal...sometimes I feel like both together, Happy and sad, which is sooo confusing when i feel like this I'm snappy, irratated and apologetic..weird...

There are a couple of things that I'm not sure link to Bipolar..... I have a slight OCD tendancy, things like, if the curtains are not straight, I can't be comfortable untill I have sorted them out, or if I see one magpie, I have to say "good morning" to it...small things like that..
And I have an amazingly vivid imagination, I can't control it sometimes...If I think about something horrible, then I say to myself "don't think about this" my mind goes crazy and thinks of it non-stop, there have been times when I've made myself sick just from over thinking about things that are discusting, or not nice.

Sorry to have babbled on a little..It does feel good though. I hope someone can relate to this? Does the borderline OCD relate to Bipolar? And the rapid imagination?
Feel free to ask questions, I would like to help rather than just come here for support....Kimmy

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-02-2006, 02:35 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bean Station, TN, usa
Posts: 2,190
mudhound HB User
Re: Thank you guys...

I am so glad you feel this way. You are most welcome here. This site is for support and info in the times we need it. I seem to need it alot at time and other times I float around.
__________________
God Bless

Mudhound

 
Old 05-02-2006, 07:15 AM   #3
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: topeka, Kansas, USA
Posts: 2
smiles805 HB User
Re: Thank you guys...

I am schizoaffective and I have similar symptoms. It is like bipolar with hallucinations like schizaphrenia. But I have OCD tendencies.

smiles805

 
Old 05-02-2006, 08:22 AM   #4
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 90
BenGone HB User
Re: Thank you guys...

Kim,

You're very articulate !!! Nice and easy reading (easy to relate to). That's why I enjoy Stephen King novels (but I digress)...

Despite my being a male (perhaps a lesbian trapped in a man's body) ~ I related to most ALL of what you said. Especially how the harder you try the harder it is to get rid of a compulsive thought (which can REALLY intrude on getting to sleep)...

I responded (not simply to further embarrass myself) MOSTLY to make an observation regarding the OCD commentary. And, of course, because any post that mentions masturbation cannot be ignored (just kidding, kind of) ...

My own therapist has "observed" many times, that some OCD is an attempt to "control" our environment (over which we fear a lack of control). I further interpret that, as an attempt to limit the "things" we'll encounter ~ which will suprize us and perhaps "trigger" an unknown emotional response. We're trying our best to keep the course as level as possible.

I know that I try desperately to keep as much as possible "compartmentalized" in my life (like you're saying), particularly regarding "a place for everything and everything in its place".

My last wife was the exact opposite. Car keys. Jar lids. Tools. Clothing. Jewelry. Whatever she touched got left wherever it fell, especially on the floor (with zero recollection on HER part). At least twice a day she'd ask me in demanding tones where her car keys were (as if it was my responsibility to follow her around and know).

It drove me substantially MORE "nuts" than I'd have probably been, otherwise. Even MORE chilling is how she's modelled that for her children AND OUR DAUGHTER, who is with me the vast majority of the time.

Our divorce has been final almost two months, and we've been apart a year.

I'm still wondering when I'm going to cool down from that, as her influence regarding our shared daughter STILL seems to trigger me. She still has a room and a half of "stuff" in my house !!! Despite the court order stating it was all to be out by the end of last August. SOON !!! ??? !!!

And, now I'm contemplating a whole new world of OCD, as I ~ and a I alone ~ get to dictate where every single THING of household possessions gets to be placed !!!! This, after 14 years of a relationship wherein I got to dictate zilch.

And, then I can run-around like a good little OCD, not resting until every little thing is cleaned and back in its place.

Does that make me weird ? Obsessive ? Compulsive ? Within normal limits ? Reactionary ? Angry ? Confused ? Belligerent ? All of the above, with a twist of lemon ? ( I won't even ask about "perverted" )


~ Ben (across "the pond", and then some)

 
Old 05-03-2006, 08:15 AM   #5
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 90
BenGone HB User
Re: Thank you guys...

Kimmy, you said...

" BenGone: Are you called Ben? I don't think that makes you weird at all, I would say comfortable! If i were you, I'd get her stuff out of the house, It probably won't be doing you ANY good being there.

Do you find it hard to sleep when something isn't done? When I'm down, I don't care about what's done and what's not, but when I'm manic, I run around the house checking everything is in it's place and tidy. "

~ In answer ~ I've been called Ben, and that's Ben Fine. Thanks. I don't like to think of myself as a "has been"... but's that's WAY off the mark ...

I'm supposed to try to "fire up" my truck this AM. It hasn't been started since last Fall. With it, I hope to get her stuff mostly OUT.

Your last paragraph is RIGHT ON. That is exactly the way(s) I feel !!!


~ Ben

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Hello and Thank You. mowgli Bipolar Disorder 0 01-15-2009 02:30 AM
Tmj friends, i need advice more than i have ever needed your advice.. help temera2 TMJ Disorder -TemporoMandibular Joint 12 09-05-2008 09:36 PM
Thank You For All Of The Support!!!! IZZY'SMOM Pain Management 8 05-16-2008 09:20 AM
Thank You Kevin and smiteler cmm001 HIV Prevention 2 06-22-2007 04:55 PM
Just Want to Thank You Guys keyboardplaya Depression 2 06-08-2007 06:51 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added




Top 10 Drugs Discussed on this Board.
(Go to DrugTalk.com for complete list)
Abilify
Depakote
Lamictal
Lexapro
Lithium
  Prozac
Seroquel
Wellbutrin
Zoloft
Zyprexa




TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



reesie (68), katlin09 (59), Administrator (24), TinoRock (14), bprapcyc (10), thatgirl141 (7), lynnlee (6), annii456 (4), ghelpmelivelife (4), goody2shuz (3)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:07 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!