just need some help - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

johnintensitypw · 05-29-2006, 01:37 PM

i am new to these boards but when i found it it gave me some hope a little background info, i was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder type 2 when i was 7 and that was the first time i expressed my desire to die sence then my thoughts of sucide have grown constant and i am now 33. I also have anxiety disorder and ocd i have seen many doctors and therapists, taken every medication, gone through extreem chemical addiction and alchohol, i have been alone as far as girlfriend or any kind of dating for 7 years mostly because of not being able to handle bars or big groups because i get overly agressive and end up in trouble. i dont mean to go on and on so i will get to the point, i started dating someone who is causing me to be very upset but i wont be able to cut it off and its nice when she is there with me but for on reason or another i have started trembeling i have always had a problem with shaking and some twitching but i can only describe this as trembeling the problem is my mental state has never had a physical effect on my body my legs are wobbelly i have a hard time talking. i know i am upset but befor this i was just as upset thinking about suscide and all. and befor i started dating this girl i was just as miserable begging anyone to help i would talk to doctors or anyone that might be able to help, and end up thinking if they new how bad things were someone would do something the meds arnt working and i end up loosing hope, i am not strong enough to end things my doctor couldnt see me for a month and a half so i am going to another one, i dont want to go in the hospital, my question is has anyone ever had the trembeling problem or any ideas

johnintensitypw · 05-29-2006, 01:55 PM

what does that mean

bpd_bipolar · 05-30-2006, 07:27 AM

I haven't had trembling troubles, but to me it sounds as if it might be beneficial for you to go to the hospital so they can try new meds on you and watch you. It would be a way for you to get new meds introduced into your system and them to watch you closely for reactions.

I am not saying you should do it, I am just giving my opinion. I was offered a chance to go in the hospital, but backed out. So I have never been in, but I know someone who is constantly going in due to her troubles........

If you are in a relationship that isn't working or in a positive way, then you should consider ending it for your mental benefit, now I think I just caused myself to be a hippocrit as I am in a relationship that might not be ideal.......but I am just trying to help out here so you have something to guide you.

If someone is making you constantly upset and bringing harm to you, then you need to take a step back and really look at it all. Is the relationship going some where or are you guys there for one another because it is real? or are you holding on to someone and guilting them to stay because of your illness. I did that to my husband (at the time), I used guilt and everything else I could to hold on to him, then I realized it was over and there was no saving it (but there's a story attatched with it and this isn't for my benefit, it is for yours)....

My point being, take a long look in the mirror and if what looks back at you scares you, then you might want to think about getting in patient help. Talk to your doctor and see what they say. Tell them everything though and be as honest as possible, that is the only way they could help you.

johnintensitypw · 05-30-2006, 10:58 AM

thank you
john

littletimebomb · 05-30-2006, 11:39 PM

John
Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay. Just take a deep breath and realize that you don't have to decide your whole future right now. And that what you're going through is very normal anxiety associated with mood disorders.
Shaking, wobbly legs, teeth chattering, dizziness, confusion, inability to think, extreme, unwarranted feelings of fear and panic, trembling, even fainting... these can all be symptoms of a panic attack and they are very common things to have.

Find the source of your panic and address it. Chances are that there are some cognitive distortions that are causing you to lose control of your fear thoughts and that combined with a relationship and being BPD and everything else can lead to panic attacks. I would guess your anxiety is directly related to having a new person in your life after so long. There can be a lot of fear associated with loving someone, especially if you're BPD, since you're bound to have lost many people that way.

I think you should look at the ten cognitive distortions in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. A lot of what your post says are examples of such distortions.

Relax. Everything will be fine. Identify and face what is giving you these feelings of panic and GET HELP from professionals. Tell them you are considering doing harm to yourself and they will surely see you.
Don't be afraid of the hospital if you need time to be observed and adjust to a med change.

Don't make any decisions about your future until you feel better. This illness plays tricks on you and you may make rash decisions you regret.
Hang tough.
littletimebomb