Need some coping suggestions - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Schooch · 05-30-2006, 09:59 AM

My ex-husband has bipolar and substance absue disorder and was diagnosed 9 years ago. He has been hospitalized multiple times and still refuses treatment. His hospitalizations are all related to manic episodes, save one. His manic episodes are characterized by extreme anger and irritability, grandious thinking and occasionally religious overtones with hallucinations. On more than one occasion he has threatened to kill me and our 12 yo daughter or kidnap our daughter. He's put her in harms way multiple times. As a result his interaction with her has been supervised by court order for the past 9 years.

He is entering a manic period and the angry and accusatory phone calls are beginning where he is asking for unsupervised time with our daughter, I refuse and refer him back to the court order or suggest he file court petition to review the order. He conistently refuses because he knows he will be in contempt for failing to follow the court required treatment for the past 7 years. So, I am the bad guy. I get blamed for keeping him away even though he gets to see her when he asks. (Schedules don't work - he doesn't show up).

I stick to the same script and frankly it's just getting tired. I am tired of being screamed at and threatened. I am tired of being hypervigilant because I don't know how crazy he will get and what he will try. Now he is threatening to "tell (our daughter) the truth". She knows about his bipolar and we talk about it openly. She knows when he is starting to cycle and she has a good head on her shoulders, but I really don't want him to pull her into his crziness.

Any suggestions for what I can say to him? How can I manage this without being driven to my breaking point? I know he is ill, but he takes no responsibility and I feel just beat up by him. Al suggestions welcome! Thanks!

kiehn · 05-30-2006, 01:49 PM

Gee, Im so sorry to hear of your situation. You probably know more about the law than I would. One of the hardest things about bipolar is conviencing them that they need help, they need their med, they are the one with the problem.
As a bipolar myself we each have to come to that point were we finally see how harmful our behavior is to those we love. It sounds as though he loves his daughter
maybe that is the key. Consider talking to your daughter maybe if your ex was to hear how first hand from her how much this affect her who knows. Does your daughter even want to see him? Is she afraid of him, would it help for her to tell him?
Even in my worse manic episode I still would have laid down my life for my daughters.
In fact it the look on my daughters face the last time I went into the hospital that has kept me on my meds for the last 7 years. Good Luck, kiehn

Schooch · 05-31-2006, 02:48 AM

Thanks. I've really tried to protect her from her dad's cycling. He is so aggressive with me and has cut off any relationship with people who have urged him into treatment - like his sister, childhood friends - that I didn't want him to cut her off too. She doesn't want to be alone with him - and honestly she can't remember a time when her visits weren't supervised. Sounds like just keep on keeping on. Thanks.

mudhound · 05-31-2006, 05:23 AM

This sounds like a legal issue to me too. How about seeking treatment in *** of simi unsupervised visits. At least untill he is well. This is a sickness and treatment can be wonderful. He may need a wake up call (tough love) from a judge. Or someone else in the court system.

Strawberry.hill · 05-31-2006, 10:36 AM

I am new on this board, I don't know everything, but I am seeing this from my point of view. I am Military Police, and I saw this from that perspective. Next time he calls and threatens you, you need to call the police. They may tell you to keep a log of times of the calls and things like that to report to them. You need to get their help so you can live in peace, they are there to help you. Your daughter's safety and yours are the most important thing here. You should not have to live in fear.