littletimebomb

Cherryrose,

What you describe sounds very typical of a manic episode followed by a crash. But with all that you have going on, the baby, the cheater, the hormones accociated with giving birth, it's going to be hard to diagnose from just that incident.
The therapist will be able to give you some insight. It's hard to get a dx often, especially if you admit you think you may be BPD. For some reason they think that we won't admit to being BPD and they take thinking you're BPD as a sign that you're not. It's stupid, I know.
The truth is that BPD's won't admit they are having a manic episode while they are having it. It is very hard not to become enamored of the high and productivity that mania produces. Sounds like you got a lot done.

Let me just say that this behavior you describe would be typical of an unmedicated BPD who was unaware of the symptoms of the illness. What happens is that the mania makes you feel like a superstar capable of anything. So why would you seek treatment during those times? Then the inevitable crash. And that is when BPD's start to take action. They will often tell their doctor, "Everything was fine until one day I didn't want to get out of bed." The pdoc will naturally diagnose the person as depressed and often put them on a low dose of an SSRI like Zoloft.

Now, if the person is BPD, even a low dose of an SSRI can quickly send the person into mania. Feeling like this is their usual state, the person will report to their doctor that they feel great and back to normal.
So, once a month you go in and they look at you, you tell them things are better than they have ever been and they write you another prescription.

When the mania starts to produce agitation, the person is likely to tell their doctor, who is likely to be convinced the irritability is by caused depression and raise the SSRI dose by a small amount. Which increases the mania.

When the mania reaches its peak, the person will find their entire world a confusing and chaotic jumble. Their mind will race and their formerly organized life will turn to a dissheveled and disjointed mess. Their world is likely to crumble into a deep depresson which requires a rescue of some sort.

It sometimes takes a number of these extreme episodes, but the person WILL start to try and figure out what's going on by themselves. When they do, they are likely to have a deeply profound realization; they are BPD.

So, they go to their pdoc who tells them they can't be BPD because BPD's never admit to manic symptoms.
We're chemically imbalanced, not stupid.

So, look at your history. Think about the ups and downs of your life. Look for symptoms of mania in your past. Think about the emotional state you naturally prefer and think about others around you who are "normal" say about your energy level.
Giving up the maina is the hardest thing a BPD has to do. Throughout our lives, it has been the times we were manic that we felt strong and confident and productive. But the realization that it is a balance we must seek is imperative. It is the mania that causes the depression.

I know things are rough right now. The best things you can do for yourself are eat right and avoid sugar, alcohol and caffeine, exercise intermittently thoroughout the day to keep your seratonin levels up, drink lots of water (dehydration causes depression,) do the things you love even if you don't feel like it and don't isolate yourself. Be with your friends.

If you don't feel like smiling, fake it. Studies show that smiling improves mood even if you're faking it!

It does not matter how quickly you move, so long as you do not stop.
---Confucious

Hang in there.
littletimebomb