Am I the only one? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

footprints · 05-31-2006, 10:11 PM

I feel so alone right now and I am just wondering am I the only one that has ever been in this situation. My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and got the other woman pregnant. He has been diagnosed with Bipolar II, OCD, and has post traumatic stress from when he was in the navy around 15 years ago. He was going through hypermania when he cheated on me and then he had a major anxiety attack that brought him back down. He discontinued the affair right after the attack. He seen this woman two times in a month. She planned the pregnancy but that is another story. He kept all this hid from me until she had the baby. I don't know who he is anymore. I know he has extreme guilt but he lacks the ability to show emotion. He has never been the type to lie or cheat. This has destroyed our whole life. Is there anybody who has been through anything like this? Why didn't I see the symptoms and signs? I would appreciate any advice.

kiehn · 06-01-2006, 01:15 AM

Hi there footprints,
I dont have much advise to offer but I just wanted you to know you werent alone.
Bipolar is so complex, there are marriages of 20 yrs+ with one spouse that's bipolar and there's still situations of confusion, hurt etc. If it were me I think I'd have to do
some soul searching. There is no perfect family except when everyone involved is willing to work together to resolve the problem. Hang in there, best wishes in finding support here. Kiehn

fallen_angel · 06-01-2006, 04:01 AM

hi footprints
im just recently been diagnosed bipolar myself but my father is also bipolar and his is more severe than mine.
when i was around 5 or 6 he began an affair with a woman he worked with and this continued for years (until i was about 19). He would leave us to go to this woman and we wouldnt hear from him for months. Then he would get back in contact to say he was sorry and that he missed us and wanted to come back. He'd move back in with us and then a few months later he would leave to go back to this woman. The cycle continued for all this time. He was only diagnosed about 5 years ago but admitted he had been ill for a long time, and looking back we can now relate all of his behaviour to cycling. when he was manic his behaviour caused him to continue the affair, but when he wasnt in an episode or depressed he wanted to be back with his family.
My mum is an intelligent and perceptive woman who never knew that he had an illness, she just knew that she loved him and wanted him there for her and her children. Mental illness is very hard to see and understand, and it cant be measured or tested for as easily as a physical illness. So please dont feel stupid or bad about not realising what was going on.
Despite all the hurt my dad has put us all through i still love him, i guess you just have to realise the illness is to blame. it might be easier for me to understand being bipolar myself, as i know how many people ive hurt when ive been manic that i never would of hurt intentionally. But as they say, its always the people you love that you hurt the most.
At least your partner has a diagnosis now and sounds like he has your support. the best advice i can give you is not to beat yourself up anymore over the past, i understand how much it must of hurt, but nothing can change it. focus on what the two of you have now with your child and try and build a positive future.Think about what you know now rather than what you didnt know then. If you love him and can support him, then anything is possible. Good luck, Fallen

footprints · 06-01-2006, 09:45 AM

Thanks for the replies. Looking back I can see the illness. I just thought that he had changed since we got married. I didn't know anything about bipolar and the signs of it. I blame myself for not getting him help but I don't blame myself for the affair. I was nine months pregnant at the time. I feel like my life is gone, the one that I knew anyway. Now I have to decide where to go from here. It is like starting all over. We have been married for almost nine years and have a beautiful baby girl. I want to do what is best for her, I don't want our family split. He has to pay child support which really hurts us financially, I wish there was some help out there. We are separated right now, I need some time to find myself and figure out who this person is that I am married to. I love him and I will support him.

CherryroseQT · 06-01-2006, 12:28 PM

Wow, Hi There.
I can relate on a lot of levels to what you are going through. I'm so sorry. My son is seven-months old but when he was two weeks old I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me for the last three months of my Pregnancy. My entire world has been shattered and I'm trying to rebuild it.

I start therapy tomorrow morning and my ex (I broke up and moved out immediately) has been in therapy for 6 months. He has been going weekly. He really wants to "work it out" but I'm reluctant, ever trusting him again is unfathomable to me at this point.

My advise would be to seek out some professional counseling to help get you through this time. Considering he has a chemical imbalance and increased sexuality IS a symptom of mania… I would encourage you to do some research about his dis-order. It may help you put some things into perspective.

I don't doubt at all the possibility that this man probably is deeply in-love with you and that his infidelity had to do with the mania and not character fla's. But that will have to be for you to decide.

I still consider from time to time what it would be to try and reconcile with my ex, but we don't have the history you and your husband have nor has he been diagnosed with any disorders. I think the best thing for a child would be to grow up with two loving parents who could support each-other. But this will depend on your husbands disorders and his course of action to manage them.

Best of luck! And I'm so sorry for your heartbreak. The cheating while pregnant was and still is the worst thing I can imagine….. It effects my mood and life on a daily basis.