Re: does anyone else feel alone?
Hey there fallen Angel,
Ive been bipolar since "87" on Lithium since "93", There are a couple of others here tha a long term Lithium users and very full of wisdom.
I've been with my husband for 31 years and he still has a hard time understanding at times. Seems logical that your mother just didnt want to see you have to suffer as she has watched your father do so.
I didnt know I was Bipolar when I had children, ages 22 & 20 now, one is takes med for bipolar the other is borderline. Quite often bipolar is genetic and my own person observation is it seems to pass from father to daughter, mother to son. That doesnt necesarily mean a mother or father shows signs of it but can still pass it on. That's not really important....
I couldnt even begin to tell you how many times Ive felt so alone, very, very alone. For comfort I come here, it really helps alot. It helps to respond to others, share what you know or just offer comfort.
Over spending seems to be a big issue for many who are bipolar. The only way your mother could truely understand is to be bipolar herself. There's been times I have wished for just 1 day friends, family etc could experiece what it's like, just one day, because I would never wish this illness on anyone full time. Maybe you friend is a little embarrassed. I feel Ive done the full circle thing, first I was embarrassed of myself then I got to the point everyone knew so I became more open, but found that poeple backed off, were uncomfortable when I was so open, didnt know what to say. So now although I would openly admit it if asked, Ive learned others just arent comfortable discussing it, except forums like this. Give you friend time, sometimes what we think should happen isnt always the best solution.
Im kinda skiping around, but somedays are like that, as far as children go. I love my daughters, but I'll be honest there has been times it hurt so much to watch them suffer, I made a lot of mistakes because I didnt know how to raise a bipolar child on top of being bipolar myself. If I knew what I do know, and still felt a strong desire to have children, I would have learned as much as I possibly could about raising bipolar children it's totally differnt than raising children that arent bipolar. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. Just remember no parent is perfect, mistakes are the best way to remember not to make the same mistake again. It's not the mistakes you child will remember it's the way you resolve, fix or learn from them. So dont take to heart comments of those who dont understand, they cant help it any more then you can help some of your behaviors, believe in yourself, stand up for yourself, if someone makes you feel small, tell them you understand they mean well but right now you need some positive feedback, some support.
Your post really caught me attention as Ive posted here many times about feeling alone, different reason but same feeling. Keep coming here, read others posts about children, parents, partners, family. It really helps and sometimes opens up new understandings. Remember when you're feeling down seek out those who are positive, encouraging it makes a big difference for me. Hang in there, K