I Love Bill

My husband and I just found out he had Bipolar disorder this last Spring. Bill has been out of work now for over 1 year and 1/2 due to a back condition. Bill used to be a fabricator at an industrial steel shop. This is the second time Bill was out of work due to his back and this time the doctors told him he better find a new line of work or he could be permantly injured. Surgery was risky and would still require him to find a new line of work. We luckily had a privated short term disability policy we had taken out. I do not know how many times I thought about canceling that policy thinking it was too much money. Thank God I didn't because it is now half way supporting us. Our policy has a retraining benefit and so we decided to take advantage of it. Bill had dropped out of high school his senior year so we had to take care of getting a GED first. Bill had to retake the test twice but finally received his GED. We were so proud of him. Ever since he dropped out Bill had thought about getting one but would always back out at the last minute. We then enrolled Bill in college to persue a CAD career in structured steel. We were sure this would be a positive choice since Bill was used to blueprint reading. Immediately Bill had trouble with the computer courses and Algebra. We hired a tutor who would help during the session. When Bill was on his own the information was too jumbled up. Bill dropped the Algebra and passes the computer class with a C mostly for participation. The second semester proved to be a complete failure. Bill couldn't follow the drafting class at all and the second English class intimidated him. Bill ended up dropping out alltogether. We sought help through our regular M.D. to see if maybe Bill had ADHD. Bill had all kinds of symptons and had had his entire life. The nurse put him on Ritilan. Bill tried this one day and felt like he had taken cocaine. Bill said the need to want more was so strong and luckily was able to walk away from it. Bill was also currently taking prozac and xanax for anxiety and panic disorder which had been diagnosed when he was a teenager. Bill's prozac was increased from 20mg to 40mg due to increased depression over being off work and not being able to keep up with school.
Bill started taking more of the xanax than prescribed trying to keep that sedated feeling. I explained this to the nurse and she immediately referred us to the Mental Health Department. Bill was evaluated and still was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. The prozac was increased to 60mg and xanax to 2mg twice daily as needed. I didn't know it but Bill had reached a high of 6 1mg tablets of xanax per day. Don't ask me how he was able to get this many pills because I still don't know. I found out Bill was having major trouble when my bank showed a paticular amound being debited from our account at around midnight every night for over two weeks. I called an was told this was at a McDonalds over 30 minutes away from our house. When I questioned Bill he truly did not remember going. He said it was fuzzy at best. Bill also decided to relandscape part of our yard and once he had dug it up just gave up on what to do with it. Some nights he was out at 3 in the morning digging. We went back to the Phsychiatrist and then Bill was finally diagnosed with Bipolar I. The doctor took him off the prozac all at once and put him on Risperidal 3mg. per day and then up to 6 mg. per day. I had to take his xanax and control the amount he was taking. I still currently keep his medications. To make a long story short Since April we have visited the hospital three times. We now have a new person prescribing medicine since last week. Bill is now on lamactil, risperidal,xanax and lexipro. I think he is starting to improve a little but he still is so paranoid about dying. Anytime he hears about someone having a heart attack or dying he worries so much that he imagines it being him with the problem. I can't motivate Bill to do anything. We just lost our Great Dane about one month ago to old age. I adopted another dog from a shelter thinking it would give Bill some responsibility while I am at work. Bill says the dog makes him too nervous and spends most of his time sitting in his recliner. Everythin is an effort right now with Bill. We are having a hard time making it on my salary and Bill's disability. If I work anymore than I am though we will lose the medical insurance Bill needs to get treatment. I wonder if Bill will ever be able to go back to work. Ever since we were married all I have ever tried to do is keep Bill happy and nothing has ever worked. At least we know there is a reason. We have a very solid relationship and I can never imagine being apart from him. I just want Bill to be productive again and feel a sense of accomplishment instead of being stuck. I need suggestions from anyone who can help Bill and me through these first stages of this.