Does Anyone Have That Depression That Keeps Coming Back & Gets Worse? - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

salty · 07-15-2006, 11:06 PM

Hi everyone. My depression just keeps coming back every time some major life event happens in my life and it lasts longer and longer each time.

Right now I'm deep in another one. Lexapro has usually pulled me out, but 10 mg. and 15 mg. didn't do it this time so my dr. increased the dose to 20 mg.

I have only been on it a short while, but I have a hard time getting out of bed, I don't want to face the world, I cry constantly...all that.

I really just want to hear that someone has gone through something similiar and that his/her body got used to the higher dose and he/she pulled out of it.

I'm really suffering...I can't write this without crying. I've seen my dr. at least every week or so for months...it's getting ridiculous.

I just keep asking myself is it every going to end? Lexapro has been my standby. I've tried lots of ADs.

I have spent 25 years on and off depressed. It makes me so sad. My life is just passing me by and yes maybe I just want some sort of sympathy from you all, I don't know.

Maybe I just want someone to tell me it's going to be alright. I'm so low now.

Please write back. Thank you.

Salty

hickman1 · 07-16-2006, 06:45 AM

dear salty,
I myself have struggled with depression for years off and on, and I know how you are feeling, I think. I know that meds are hard to get used to, and there are times when I just told the doc that I couldn't take a particular one. I am on wellbutrin now, and it seems to be pretty comfortable for me.
I will say that I have learned that it is very important to fight the depression , and the way that helps me is to fight the negative feelings- refuse to sink into them-smile-do something you don't feel like doing, if it is just some exercise, or a funny movie. Fight it, and it is true that you will feel the way you think. I was doing some home video aerobics(jane fonda0, and I didn't need antidepressants for years! The exercise produces endorphins that elate your mood naturally. Painting is a really good way to reach inside yourself and enjoy your own creativity, I don't care if you think you have talent or not!
You may not be physically able to exercise actively, but do something to get some fresh air. Birdwatch- its wonderful to discover the world of birds! Just takes a cheap set of binoculars. If you have the same doc, get another opinion about your meds. You may not think so now but there is better stuff ahead for you. Just keep moving, and you will feel better. Make yourself do it, till you get the heart going faster, and refreshing your body with the wonderful oxygen that nourishes us in so many ways. Breath deeply- that helps too.
I do encourage you to fight-find out what you are really made of-we are much stronger that we believe ourselves to be. I know that many people are where you are, and it is something you can get out of! Just takes some work and positive thinking , even when you don't feel it -especially then..
I know that I can make myself more depressed by thinking negaative thoughts. I get angry then, and fight my own thought patterns. Just keep in mind that dome doctors are so busy, and they prescribe med after med, and hope that it helps, and don't take the time to teach you how to fight it as well.
Good luck to you, and start small-you don't have to see it as a mountain-one smalll thought , or smile, or laugh, and treat your self to something! Enjoy this world as much as you can-it is full of all kinds of situations and the good is there for you as well. My thoughts are with you!

mommaboyz · 07-16-2006, 07:45 AM

(((hugs))) Im so sorry to here your feeling so low right now. I have been depressed on and off for so many years now not knowing I was Bipolar until recently. There are so many times I hate to get out of bed and cry All the time. My family just doesnt understand all these emotions and reasons I do this. Luckly for us the people here do. I cant help with the meds situation becouse im going through that too but I have felt the way you do now so many times before and im sure others here even worse. Im sure you will pull through this time too. Maybe you need a different med this time. When I take meds for awhile they dont seem to work anymore and I have tio change them. For so many years now ive been going to the doctor several times a month wondering whats wrong with me ect. and just now he finally said hmm maybe its bipolar! then we took it from there. I felt so dumb for going to the doc all the time but im glad I did now.Hang in there your not alone.

salty · 07-16-2006, 12:44 PM

Thank you Hickman1 for writing so much and caring. I do know what you mean. It is hard when you are so low to do those things, but I do understand that anything no matter how little does help.

Your post was a big help and I know if I could start exercising again I would feel better than I do. I like the stationary bike and I look at it and look at it and say to myself now why the heck can't I just get over there and get on the thing?

Thank you again.

Salty

salty · 07-16-2006, 01:07 PM

Sandra, thank you for the kind words. I know you understand. I just wake up every morning and hope I'll feel better.

I'd be interested in knowing your meds, but I know you said you change them often.

Thanks so much for writing.

Salty