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Old 07-16-2006, 07:10 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: No.Ft Myers, Florida
Posts: 84
Tweetyone HB User
Unhappy don't you wish you could undo things

hey everyone,
does anyone feel like me? i sometimes say things that hurt peole and only wished afterwards i hadn't. my husband has been my best friend and loyal companion for over thiryfive years. i have let him down in som many ways. i try to make it up but some how i always let things eat a me and then my anger sets in. i wish my anger would go away! today i feel like i could do myself in and then the world for my husband and kids would be so much better.
i'm on meds just one to be exact lamictal 250mg i thougt it was doing a fine job. i'm sad today because i know i have hurt my husband not physically but mentally. i wish i could control what i say to people. maybe i should have my tongue cut out!!!
my daughter is coming home on thursday i should be thrilled but i'm not. she just recently has left her husband of five years. i'm having a hard time dealing with it. they seemed so happy together i wish i could ask questions but my husband has told me to stay out of it. i just want to know what happened. i feel like i have let her down in someway. we have had so many nice times together with them. they met in the army and i remember the day that my daughter asked me how do you tell when you are in love. my answer was when you can be together doing different things and just knowing he's there.
i'm sorry, i geuss i'm saying too much, i want everything to be perfect and i know it can't be. why must i know what happened it not my affair. But i do know this today i wish i wasn't here i think everyone would be so much better off if i were gone!
thanks for listening to me, i needed to vent. (((Sorry))))
just me
tweetyone

Last edited by Tweetyone; 07-16-2006 at 07:12 AM.

 
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Old 07-16-2006, 08:04 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 5,813
goody2shuz HB Usergoody2shuz HB User
Re: don't you wish you could undo things

Hi, Tweety Although I am not Bipolar I think that everyone has thoughts of things being a certain way and if they don't go a that way it is sometimes difficult to accept. I went through something yesterday when my daughter (who is hospitalized for Bipolar and Depression) had her first grounds pass for 2 hours. The clouds started rolling in, I had this plan to have a picnic dinner together and I didn't want the weather to ruin it. As we were driving I told my hubby how that would stink but decided that we were going to take whatever lemons came our way and make lemonade out of it!!! And we did!!! There was a gazebo and even though it rained when it let up we took a walk and before you knew it the sun was shining!!!

I think that you have to take your lemons and do the same thing. Okay your daughter's marriage didn't work out....but she wants to come and spend time with you. She must be hurting and she needs her mom's comfort. Be there for her and realize that, like you, she is not perfect, has made her share of mistakes which only makes her just as loveable and human as anybody else. Don't worry why she is getting divorced, the thing that really matters is that she wants to see you and if she feels the need to tell you any particulars she WILL. Try your best to just be there to listen.

As far as the things you say that may hurt somebody.....we a ALL do that....bipolar's do it alot more due to their disorder. My daughter has said the most cruel things to me but I do still love her. The thing I am trying to teach her is to somehow get to the point of being aware that they ARE hurtful to me and somehow feel some remorse. With you, you have that ability and if you apologize for doing so know that you have done a good thing. Many people with Bipolar are not able to control this part of themselves but you can control somewhat what triggers the things you say and perhaps trying to remove yourself from the situation will help. Setting a goal in your mind of what you will be able to do whenever you know you will be triggered may be a proactive/positive thing you can do. Perhaps you can ask your hubby to help you figure this out......tell him you do not like when you do or say the things you do and want to have a signal from him when you he notices you getting that way. Such as a silly face that will make you laugh or like him poking himself between the eyes with his finger. That way there will be no exchange of words which could escalate the situation. I have found that when I do this with my daughter it DOES help.

Be easy on yourself.....realize that you ARE a good person who wants to get better and who is willing to change things.... realizing that there are some which you can and others that you just cannot. The thing is knowing which ones you can and which ones you cannot.

I hope that your visit with your daughter goes well....if it starts to go downhill do not bring it more downhill with your guilt.....say that you are sorry and try to push it uphill again. That's the best you can do....lemons make some great lemonade.....we just have to know when to squeeze them!!!

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody

Last edited by goody2shuz; 07-16-2006 at 08:10 AM.

 
Old 07-16-2006, 12:19 PM   #3
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: No.Ft Myers, Florida
Posts: 84
Tweetyone HB User
Re: don't you wish you could undo things

thank you Goody2shoes you reply is one that i needed. i told my husband just a few minutes ago that this is the first time i felt like i didn't want my daughter to come down. i told him i never had said that about any of our children. i love them all. i have three. like i said before i'm afraid i might say the wrong things. i'm really there for her, i just don't want to make matters worse. l love her and i loved her husband as a son. he's a very nice young man and can't beleive he would do anything to make her stop wanting him. but again i'm not there 24, seven. i will say no more on this subject, i will let matters be.
again thankyou for opening up my eyes. i need that every now and again. it's funny i can talk on this board but i can't seem to talk to my counselor, and i pay him
again thankyou for your imput.
i'm sad today but i will get over this i'm determined!
just me,
tweetyone

 
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