goody2shuz

Hi, Tweety Although I am not Bipolar I think that everyone has thoughts of things being a certain way and if they don't go a that way it is sometimes difficult to accept. I went through something yesterday when my daughter (who is hospitalized for Bipolar and Depression) had her first grounds pass for 2 hours. The clouds started rolling in, I had this plan to have a picnic dinner together and I didn't want the weather to ruin it. As we were driving I told my hubby how that would stink but decided that we were going to take whatever lemons came our way and make lemonade out of it!!! And we did!!! There was a gazebo and even though it rained when it let up we took a walk and before you knew it the sun was shining!!!

I think that you have to take your lemons and do the same thing. Okay your daughter's marriage didn't work out....but she wants to come and spend time with you. She must be hurting and she needs her mom's comfort. Be there for her and realize that, like you, she is not perfect, has made her share of mistakes which only makes her just as loveable and human as anybody else. Don't worry why she is getting divorced, the thing that really matters is that she wants to see you and if she feels the need to tell you any particulars she WILL. Try your best to just be there to listen.

As far as the things you say that may hurt somebody.....we a ALL do that....bipolar's do it alot more due to their disorder. My daughter has said the most cruel things to me but I do still love her. The thing I am trying to teach her is to somehow get to the point of being aware that they ARE hurtful to me and somehow feel some remorse. With you, you have that ability and if you apologize for doing so know that you have done a good thing. Many people with Bipolar are not able to control this part of themselves but you can control somewhat what triggers the things you say and perhaps trying to remove yourself from the situation will help. Setting a goal in your mind of what you will be able to do whenever you know you will be triggered may be a proactive/positive thing you can do. Perhaps you can ask your hubby to help you figure this out......tell him you do not like when you do or say the things you do and want to have a signal from him when you he notices you getting that way. Such as a silly face that will make you laugh or like him poking himself between the eyes with his finger. That way there will be no exchange of words which could escalate the situation. I have found that when I do this with my daughter it DOES help.

Be easy on yourself.....realize that you ARE a good person who wants to get better and who is willing to change things.... realizing that there are some which you can and others that you just cannot. The thing is knowing which ones you can and which ones you cannot.

I hope that your visit with your daughter goes well....if it starts to go downhill do not bring it more downhill with your guilt.....say that you are sorry and try to push it uphill again. That's the best you can do....lemons make some great lemonade.....we just have to know when to squeeze them!!!

((((HUGS)))) ~ Goody