My husband and I were talking last night about his last manic period. It lasted quite a while and consisted of him being angry. He was threatening to divorce me due to me being a bad housekeeper, in his words. He said he had found a place to stay and wouldn't be coming home. Anyway, last night, while we were talking about it, he said he couldn't remember doing/saying any of that. He said his memories are foggy at best. Is this normal? Do you often have trouble recollecting what you did while manic?
Yes, forgetting things you've done while manic is very common. It usually happens when the person is more delusional. I've heard descriptions saying that they've lost weeks of their life while manic, and only remember bits and pieces here and there. Life moves so fast for them that mania is just like flashes of color and sound. Sometimes, when the person is descending into depression, more and more of what happened while they were manic comes back to them, and only fuels their self-guilt and feelings of worthlessness. The potentially embarrassing things that they did during their manic state becomes ruminations to dwell over.
"Not everything that steps out of line, and thus 'abnormal,' must necessarily be 'inferior.'"
Yes. That has happened to me before. It especially was worse during a major manic episode where I was in psychosis. Til this day, I still am not able to recollect a lot of things, and hubby would rather keep it that way for my safety for fear of me having another episode due to all the stupid things I did to him and our family. I do have flashbacks to that episode, and can remember blocks of things but they don't make sense, though I know the pictures of memory are reality and happened during that time frame, it is just that my memory was very foggy and strained due to stress from being so messed up and not medicated right. Once I was put on the right dosages of meds, within a week or so, I was on my way to 'normalcy' and snapped right out of it though I still had a few issues due to the episode, like insecurity, self-esteem, and severe depression followed etc.
If your husband is in a manic episode, please make it 'your business' to attend his pdoc appointment with him. It a person is married to a Bipolar person, or person with a mental illness, it is their responsibility to look after themselves as well, and their part in the relationship too. That means taking charge of the other spouses issues too. If they are sick, then they basically are not making wise decisions (been there and done that) and need assistance from their significant other to do so for them, plus, he might be telling the pdoc 'I'm just fine', and that would be awful because most people who are manic are in full denial of the situation at hand. I was, and it is very common of that to happen.
You matter in the relationship as well. I said similar things to my DH when I was manic. I never meant to hurt my DH nor say those things because it is just 'not my nature' and because I absolutely love my hubby. It was the illness. And, thank goodness he believed in my love for him through all of that crap I put him through. If you know the level of your relationship, and how much each of you care for each other, then you know he isn't really meaning divorice. It is the illness, and he needs to seek professional help asap with your guidance, so he knows you love him, and that he also loves you.
Hang in there. This is not an easy road to be married to a person with a mental illness. My DH puts up with a lot each day. I'm a challenge to be married to. I'm stabilized but am a rapid cycler- so I will mood swing every now and then due to exterior factors (family issues, stress, etc.). Things are good in my life now. There is so much to be thankful for.
Take care of yourself. Don't forget to do that. Take time for you!
a loving heart is the truest wisdom
Tamara, wow! That sounds like my husband talking to me! He has said he wants a divorce because the house is a mess, too! That's just crazy! He has also forgotten things that he has said & done in the past,too. I found that out last week when I said,"Remember when..." and he was looking at me as if I were from Mars! I asked him, "Do you remember this?" He looked at me and said,"Well, kind of..." He really didn't remember. I'm sure it's hard for someone to admit that they totally forget things like that! I know it is for my husband. He seems to think he's perfect sometimes, but that goes along with the illness, as I have come to understand it now. Weird...this illness just takes everyone 'in'! Kym
Tamara, my husband not only denies he has a problem but once he put a pillow over my head and with his other hand pounded on the mattress. He told me it never happened. Another time he hit me in the face with a pillow and said I was dreaming and thought I was awake. It is very sad to me that my husband will not acknowledge he has an illness. I was reading about how many lack insight of the illness and always think the other one is the one that needs help that has been the case with us. Thanks.
i had a conversation with my boyfriend after a manic episode to the extreme. it was disturbing to me because his recollection of what happened the day of the episode where completely different. it's almost like he took himself to another place. it is normal but it's not easy to understand how someone couldn't remember something that they did.