hello, i am in serious need of help right now. i have been seeing my psychiatrist since i was seven, and he has recently run out of ideas for medication...he said i should do research and find something that may work, and if he agrees, we can try it. i have tried desperately to get a diagnosis (i have been misdiagnosed many a time in the last decade), and my mother has been certain i have been bipolar since five (she has a large book about bipolar children with various 'checklists' she has marked), and i am almost positive i am b/p or borderline, perhaps even schizophrenic. does anyone know of a good resource for finding out about various psychiatric drugs, their side effects, and what to expect? i'm at a complete loss...i know prozac, celexa, lexapro, cymbalta, perphenozine, wellbutrin ('hey everyone! isn't it ten times more obvious i'm mentally ill while i'm on this little pink pill?'), seroquel (massive weight gain), zyprexa (zombie in a capsule), imipramine (very painful on my heart), fluvoxamine (amnesia pill), zoloft (about the equivalent of eating an almond), and trazodone don't work (among others), and abilify has given me chest pain...i do not want any sort of pill that comes in gelatin capsules, and if anything has weight gain side effect, i will have munchies every second of every day until i gain 20 lb in a week (it's happened before)...please, can anyone help me out? i'm dropping out of college (i'm also seventeen with no clue what career to choose), i can't be around people or even answer my phone if it's not boyfriend or my family, i am too afraid to learn how to drive, i can't imagine working, and every day for the past nine years my life has only been computer-video games-read-tv-repeat. it's such a waste. i'm already going to die very young (pretty severe mitral valve prolapse, lung problems, smoking, self-destructive in the past), why waste it? if anyone has suggestions for my crippling disorders, please let me know. this is ruining everything. i'm losing my boyfriend, and he's the only person on earth who will occasionally treat me like a human being.
thank you for your time. i apologize for everything. i'm only on one med (trileptal 150mg) and i'm having hormonal problems, please forgive.
Last edited by the_technogoat; 07-21-2006 at 09:10 PM.
GirlPrez- I know I am not a doctor but this person is askinghere for help- obviously his doctor is not helping him- which is awful- I just thought maybe if she told a few simple symptoms, someone could point her to the right type of doctor. She mentoned thinking she had schziophrenia- imagine how scared she must be! I meant no harm and was only trying to help. I ask questions here and tell symptoms and want people to tell me what it kind of sounds like because I have come across so many stupid doctors, it has taken me 24 years and I think at last I may know what is wrong with me and I got the informatiom from reading what people had to say on these posts and in chat rooms. I'm very sorry if I offended you.
i do have panic attacks nearly every day; i have stupid-highs during which i sometimes black things out, ask someone else what i just said b/c i forget, et cetera; i have crushing lows where i cry for hours; people accuse me of making things up because i am paranoid and fear that everyone is using me or is two-faced; i have rage outbursts and tend to throw/break things; i am completely hopeless and will never find a friend or partner who won't say, 'you're spazzing out. LOOK at you' (i just had to leave the only regularly-updated vegan message board for similar reason); i have a defense mechanism where i unconsciously (attempt to) act like an average person around family, professors, doctors, etc., which is quite annoying because others think i'm some mildly-depressed comedienne who doesn't mind being made fun of at her expense (i crash hard after hiding my real thoughts/feelings once i'm alone); there are many more symptoms, but i don't want to get into it right now.
i have tried every psychiatric office in the area...none of them worked out...in fact one of them was emotionally abusive imho. (he laughed at my symptoms and called me irrational.) i can try other cities, but i don't think my current doctor will take me back if i switch one more time (he's the only one who doesn't belittle me or think i'm some sort of whack-job...it bothers me how psychiatry/psychology is the "cool" career that everyone wants, because very few of those people know what to think of a mentally ill person.) thanks for replying and being kind to me.
It sounds like you really are having a rough time, dear. I really wish there was a magic wand to just wave and fix things. I don't understand if your doctor has given up on you because no medicines seem to work or if he hasn't made a definite diagnosis to know what kind of medicine to give you. It sounds odd to me that a doctor would ask his patient to bring in ideas as to what is wrong with them. Have you been honest with your doctor about all of your symptoms like you were in the above post? Does he know that you come home and cry or breakdown? First- I would like to say that it is natural to "behave ourselves" in public- at least that is my opinion- I mean think about it- you might lay around the house and excuse me , pass gas, clean out your nose, belch right out, scratch in what would be considered a rude way, wear sweat pants and a t-shirt with holes in it but you wouldn't do those things in public and that has nothing to do with your illness. That is, again, in my opinion, human nature. We have been taught to behave that way. If you were completely out of it, you wouldn't have the sense about you NOT to do those things in public- you wouldn't think anything was wrong with doing them, in my opinion. I just believe we have our public and private selves. It's not being fake or phoney- it's just what society has taught us. I know what you mean because I do the same thing and I don't have the symptoms that you have. I have had anxiety for 24 years since two car accidents in 1982 when I was 16. I had head injuries in both. The last 24 years has been one long quest to find an answer as to what is wrong. At first, I thought I was mentally ill and I told the doctors,"I think I am mentally ill." They said,"If you were mentally ill, you'd be the last one to know it. Mentally ill people don't know they are mentally ill." But I sure felt that way. I have been to so many doctors and exposed to so much neglectful behavior on their parts prescribing drugs that interacted adversely with each other, hateful doctors that were mean because I had done my reading and knew alittle about the human body and brain chemicals, some very kind doctors who simply said they didn't know what was wrong, some very kind doctors that tried and meant well and got frustrated and some really crazy doctors who acted like they thought they were gods who dismissed me as if I were a hypo-chondriac.Sounds like you are getting by day by day- if it is any comfort- so am I. I have to worry, too ,what all of these high powered drugs have done to my body and my brain, for all I know they could have CREATED a further chemical imbalance. I am speaking strictly for myself and my own fears. All I can say is that prayer has helped and also concentaring in making my face(especially jaw)muscles relax. At firdt I had to do it 20 times a day then it got easier. I don't know what is going to happen to me, or you, for that matter, but I do believe that by way of some plan that is much larger than us, we are where we are supposed to be at this very moment. Sorry this is so long. I just wanted you to know I was only trying to be helpful. God Bless and rest peacefully.
I don't understand if your doctor has given up on you because no medicines seem to work or if he hasn't made a definite diagnosis to know what kind of medicine to give you. It sounds odd to me that a doctor would ask his patient to bring in ideas as to what is wrong with them.
well, both reasons really. i have been trying to get a diagnosis for eleven years, and no one will give me one. psychologists [we've been to almost every office in the area since i was seven] have always done FAR more harm than good, and none of them have ever, in my opinion, tried to find out what was wrong with me--they just sat silently, waiting for me to talk about nothing. i saw my first one for five years, and she never asked about symptoms or tried to diagnose me. my last one asked more questions about energy drinks and how i met my a--hole boyfriend than my condition or well-being. this is not one or two visits followed by a plan to take personality tests or whatnot, this is seven or eight visits of 'what're you drinking, there?' and 'does he live in cedar rapids?'.
my doctor actually wants --me-- to find a drug or drugs to take for my condition, since he never seems to remember what all i've taken [i don't have 'a' file, i have a little tower the size of five or so phone books], and he keeps recommending i take pills that did nothing for me in the past, rather than going in a different direction.
i think we're just going to tell him i'm interested in lamictal and maybe tegretol...it's weird to practically self-prescribe like that, but i'm at rock bottom lately, and i'm willing to try anything that won't make me put a fist through the wall, or become self-destructive.
thanks again for being nice to me.
Last edited by the_technogoat; 07-24-2006 at 12:12 PM.
i managed to get an appointment in this morning, and my dr. recommended lamictal before i even inquired whether it would be "right for me". so, i started taking it today, and i guess we'll see what happens.
I've heard that Lamictal is a wonder drug, and I hope it works wonders for you. You said that you've seen psychologist? I'm sure I'm reading this wrong, but a psychologist can't prescribe drugs. Are you seeing a psychiatrist? If you aren't, that might help some.
I take Lamictal myself. Personally, I like it. I had several symptoms which had annoyed me for years- a stinging rash with hivey welts if I got any pressure anywhere- like if my jeans squeezed at the waist or underwear had a seam that left an imprint on my side- I would get a hivey welt. If I scratched- it got worse- but I had to scratch , it was horrible. I got this hive/welt condition after I took several anti-biotics and several different types of narcotic pain relievers after I went to the dentist for a root canal. I became very ill once I started taking the medications, the dentist didn't know if it was the anti-biotics or the the pain pills.Finally, the last antibiotic he gave to me, made me break out in hives, and for 9 years after that, I had hives every day until I took the Lamictal. I completely was not expecting it. I thought I would have to have an allergy pill or something to that affect, I also had an extreme feeling of pressure in my head, eyeballs that moved really fast all around in my eye socket, anxiety,panic, fear of going anywhere alone but fear of going out anywhere unless it was with my mother or sometimes, my sister. I used to be horrified of being left alone, we moved here to Va. in the middle of nowhere,and although I am 40 yrs. old- there was a point where I would practically panic if I didn't know where my mother was- and I mean if she was outside I had to know where outside- was she hanging out some sheets to dry? Was she at the Garden? At the pear tree? Fortunately, that got better- she works at a small restaurant which she owns that is only 1 and a half miles from the house. I was going to see a counselor up until about three months ago when I started to have periods of 6-7 days of severe nausea and dizziness, if I got up off the couch I felt like I would pass out and throw up at the same time. It felt like someone forcing me to read in the car. That happened 2 months in a row then the third month, the 7 day spell ended with me rigid and stiff like a mannequin- my arms were up in the air in front of me just like a mannequin. Then I got a migraine on my left side and when the pain came- I was amazed, all other symptoms had left . Went to E.R., a shot then came home and the next morning, I started getting wobbly in my head and neck and then my neck started ; jerked off to the left side- cramping and having spasms until my neck would be held there for one minute or so. These spasms, because they involved nodding of my head and were rhythmic made me wonder if they were seizures. I was still very wobbly when I walked and had Parkinson like movements while sitting as well. I went to see my neurologist, and since I was having these "spells" so often- I actually had one in his office- he said , "This is not a seizure. I am at a loss, i've never seen anything like this." Then he says, "I think it might be anxiety." Now. trust me, I have had anxiety for 24 years and even under the worst times of anxiety, I have never had my neck twist and cramp and then have it move down but only on the left side til I doubled over with pain and was crying out. I was racking my brain trying to figure it out and it dawned on me to check my meds because I had some new ones. They had given me a shot of Phenergan at the E.R. (1st) visit then I had been given and was taking Phenergan from there on out, and I was taking Meclizine already for the nasusea and prior to that diphenhydrinate(similar to dramamine) then another Dr, said I needed clindinium for spastic bowel (sorry!) Also I had benn taking tramsdol- a non-narcotic pain pill for near daily headaches I had. All of these drugs except for the last one fall under the group called anti-cholinergic- none of them are supposed to be taken with anti-convulsants and I take two of those. The last one- tramadol- is not sopposed to be taken with anti-convulsants . I also take anther drug Reglan, for my stomach which contradicts the anti-convulsants. This Reglan was one shot they gave me at the E.R . Now I suspect since I was taking all of these contradictory drugs that I had a vile reaction. Doctors seem to just do what they want without regard to what other doctors have prescrbed- I don't even think they look especially when they are with you are in the E.R. I am already on disability and I will call my regular doctor for help and she will say," I am sorry, I can't help you.Go to the E.R." and I have to go to the E.R. or I won't get any help. Medicaid doesn't like you going to the E.R. unless it's a REAL emergency. Now the neurologist who said he didn't know what I was having and wrote it off as "anxiety", has written a letter to my regular doctor saying that they were not seizures I was having but he thought anxiety and I needed to go to a psychiatrist! I don't think it's ever going to end! Especially in a small town- some doctor puts the word out that you are sick in the head and not in the body- you might as well forget it ! I have a dear friend. about 20 years older than me, who is severely unipolar. He says he has not had the crushing depression. He started taking lithium at age 30 or so and it worked wonders for him- BUT he didn't want to take it because he missed that "high" (These are things he told me). He finally began to seriously take it around age 39 and he remains stable as long as he continues to take it, Everyone is different, You have a complicated problem, as do I, but they evolve around different issues. I hope you can find answers quickly.Until then, I will keep you in my prayers.
trishq: some of the symptoms you have been describing (jaw tightness, neck pain, crushing panic attacks, constant migraines, facial pain) sound alot like some of the symptoms of my TMJ (Tempomandibular Joint syndrome). Does your jaw make grating sounds or hurt when you eat? Any ear-fullness, ringing, burning?
the_technogoat: I know exactly how you feel with psychiatrists. I've been through 4 and have an appointment next week for the fifth. I've been tried and failed at almost all of the drugs. I know I'm bipolar 1 as all hell with co-morbid panic disorder. I finally had to quit my job this week, which I loved, as a programmer after 10 years because the drugs make me too stupid to string a few lines of code together. Anti-psychotics are the only thing that seem to make a dent in mine. I don't want to be disabled but don't see how I can work with my brain flipping out unpredictable on me like this. I've only been up an hour, cried twice, thought about driving to mexico to start a new life, became suicidal, and now am zoning out on tetris asking myself how I ended up like this. Such is my life at 38 now. Prayer, meditation and music and message boards are the only things that get me through the day now.
My hope for each of us is God shows us the truth of our conditions. Any time he leads you in one way He always provides a way out for you.
Please find another md. My doctor tossed his hands in the air when I told him that I had another occurence of falling apart. The stupid guy knows I'm bp and should've been familiar with the specs of the illness. I found another doctor after while, and my situation is almost manageable. i take lamictal and abilify which makes me fatter everyday and puts me to sleep.
According to 4 phamacicts and 3 doctors I asked, trileptal is not indicated for the successful treatment of bipolar disoder. Your doctor will tell you differently though because he is prescribing it to you- but obviously, it is not working. I would possibly find a new doctor,but you said you were afraid this one would not "take you back". Isn't it a shame the power doctors have over our lives? I have often wondered if they know that. Let me know what happens- put "Trish" in the post forum- like- "please listen to this , trish." Then I will know it it you/ I would really like to see you feeling better and not in so much much suffering. God Bless you.
Part2- Yes- my sister is certified dental assistant- worked in Saudi Arabia for a total of 9 years. She has examined my jaw- no clicking or popping noises but do have symptoms that can come from Labyrinthitis- a chronic problem with the inner ear. All my problems began after two car accidents in 1982 when I was 16. I had head injuries in both and to this day have no memory of the second accident or my 4 day hospital stay.I also had a partially collapsed right lung and a huge knot behind mt right ear. In 1999, I was told I had temporal lobe epilepsy by a wonderful neuro who was my doc for 5 and a half years. Then he moved to Vermont and it's been downhill ever since. I got on disability and teh docs treat you like doody- like you are trash- a waste of their time. One neuro told me I was bipolar, then when I got the psychiatrist opinion like he asssked me to, he said the psychiatrist was full of "malarkey" then he tired to say I had conversion disorder- that is when you make yourself physically ill without knowing it to deal with stressors in your life.(?)If that is so, then I am only making myself sick on the left side of my body- because that is where my symptoms are 85% of the time. Who knows? I guess only God, huh?
Hi, Sweetie -
So your doctor fired you. Told you to go find the cure and he'd prescribe it. Well, well.
I have a question, you don't mention it, but the fact that you're on a strong dose of Trileptal - I assumed you were epileptic. Are you? Neither here nor there; I take Trileptal for epilepsy, just curious. Looking back with the knowlege I've gained, I realized my early childhood depression was caused by the siezure meds I had available to me that that time. They were nasty.
But I digress. Get yourself a new, better psychiatrist, maybe one fresh out of med school, who refuses to give up on you. Also, when is the last time you had a thorough physical? There are all manner of physical problems that will cause or mimic depression or bipolarism. Thyroid disease comes to mind. If you do have epilepsy, do you have a neurologist? He/she may know of something that causes your symptoms.
Without a doubt get second, third and even fourth opinions in other cities. Sometimes those psychiatrists have group think due to many reasons and it is like going to the same person over and over. Make sure your psychiatrists are board certified because a lot of them are not...so ensure your well being by making sure of that. Keep us updated. Key word look them up and make sure they are board certified and ask for a diagnosis. Also get your thyroid checked.
The next part to getting better is cognitive and behavior therapy they must be certified as well.
Now the less expensive way is to just get a bunch of self help, psychotherapy based, feel good audiobooks and just listen to those day and day out until you feel better. It couldn't harm you. The messages are positive and encouraging. I like Dr.Phil's audiobooks, Luise Hay, llyanla, and Pema chodron. Creative visualization is a great audiobook too.
Last edited by strongernow; 07-30-2006 at 01:48 PM.
i did not expect so many replies so quickly. sorry for going awol, but the heat is horrible (it's about 90 degrees at 830pm), and the computer is in the hottest room in the house, so i haven't been online much.
I have a question, you don't mention it, but the fact that you're on a strong dose of Trileptal - I assumed you were epileptic. Are you?
not that i know of. trileptal, for me, makes my moods less /\/\/\/\/\ and more /--\__/--\__...if that makes sense. if i'm depressed, i'm depressed for days, but if i'm only mildly depressed ('happy' me), it stays for a few hours. while it's not necessarily for bipolar (psychologists around here are pretty bunk, and i've had an extremely difficult time trying to get a diagnosis), it's better than half the other meds i've been on--and it doesn't make me gain 20 pounds a week, or make me sit on a bench and stare at neon lights for hours (a la zyprexa and seroquel).
Also, when is the last time you had a thorough physical? There are all manner of physical problems that will cause or mimic depression or bipolarism.
probably when i was a child. the thing is, under our insurance, we can only afford the incompetent $10 physicians at a local walk-in clinic. great place to go if you're sick and need antibiotics, terrible place to go if you have anything else wrong with you.
Make sure your psychiatrists are board certified because a lot of them are not...so ensure your well being by making sure of that. Keep us updated. Key word look them up and make sure they are board certified and ask for a diagnosis. Also get your thyroid checked.
i wish i could get my thyroid checked...then again, i wish i could see a neurologist and a chiropractor, but money...and stupid insurance won't let me switch physicians or even hospitals...
yeah, my psychiatrist is board-certified...even had (has?) his own tv show about psychology. the only way i can get a diagnosis is through a psychologist, and as stated above, none of them are competent enough to even try (one of them thought i was ocd because one of our doorknobs smells, and another thought i was autistic [does 12 years old and pulling straight a's in high school sound autistic? i know there are all kinds, but still...] because no one would be my friend...she thought that meant i had problems interpreting people's feelings [no matter how many times i told her that was not the case--i think she thought i was in denial or lying], when i can actually read 'em like a book -_-;; ).
The next part to getting better is cognitive and behavior therapy they must be certified as well.
i have serious problems with people calling me irrational and telling me how to think and act...i just feel nauseous, worthless, and i cry every time i see a 'counselor'...i already know pretty much everything one could say to me about how i 'should' think, behave, react, and respond, so it's just a huge waste of time, money, energy, gas, and the three minutes of happiness i might have had that day...that kind of thing's just not for me.
oh yes, and i do happen to be quite reclusive (psychiatrist even said so...ouch ), and in a verbally abusive relationship, which doesn't help, but then again, i am a recluse after all, and the only vegan (or vegetarian, for that matter) i know, so it's not like i'll meet any nice guys for a very, very long time [until i escape to canada in several years]. this guy's where half my problems come from...i could function somewhat before i met him, but now i just feel like a weak, worthless piece of **** lowlife for having to date the guy. sorry if that didn't fit in anywhere in the post, and sorry if i mentioned it before (i may have...i don't remember if it was here or veggieboards though ), but that's why i sound like a panicky weirdo on this thread...because i think he's coming over tomorrow, and staying awhile
thanks for responding so nicely to me. i think lamictal is worth it (i felt a little different the first day), but it's definitely too soon to tell.
Last edited by the_technogoat; 07-30-2006 at 06:52 PM.
to what is wrong. At first, I thought I was mentally ill and I told the doctors,"I think I am mentally ill." They said,"If you were mentally ill, you'd be the last one to know it. Mentally ill people don't know they are mentally ill." But I sure felt that way. .
I think some mentally ill people know they are because i knew there was something very wrong with me but just didnt know the diagnosis. So I think you can be mentally ill(atleast bipolar) and know it...schizophrenia however maybe not.
Also to stay on topic a last resort med is clozapine(sp?) my sister took it for schizoaffective and shes doing better..the only problem with clozapine is it lowers your white blood cell count so you have to get it checked every week..so gl
Psychiatrists and counselors are imo very hard to work with at times. I personally do not see counselors any more due to the fact that most of them are condescending and arrogant and even hypersensitive people. I disagreed with one of my counselors and he refused to show up to my sessions ...that is how weak he was! He did not even terminate...he just decided that he didn't like me anymore and didn't show up at his office on scheduled days. Of course I reported him to officials for not showing up and double booking my sessions more than twice. Also the certified cognitive and behavior therapists charge much more than just normal counselors. So I thought if you had extra money then it is best to spend on certified cb therapists. I personally do not think it is professional to say or blurt out "you are irrational" or to be condescending in general etc to clients... that is NOT taught in graduate school. I am getting a degree in mental health and respect of the client's dignity and promotion of their welfare is incredibly important. There are structured techniques and procedures used to protect and build the client's self esteem not degrade and ruin it which is what an arrogant authoritarian psychiatrist or counselor can do, for sure. I've been through it already. I figured that any time I started to think for myself the therapists would start to get agitated and angry.....now I know why...they dislike for their clients to think on their own...it is much more fun for the counselor to be in full control and have full power.
Anyways, what did you think about getting audiobooks. They are relatively inexpensive online. They usually have a very positive and encouraging message.
I hope this helps.
Last edited by strongernow; 07-30-2006 at 09:17 PM.
Anyways, what did you think about getting audiobooks. They are relatively inexpensive online. They usually have a very positive and encouraging message.
i don't really know what to think, but i may not have the patience, considering i don't even make time to listen to my favorite music. i read bits and pieces of a good book about women in verbally abusive relationships today at the bookstore, though...i might pick it up sometime. it's a start, i suppose.