I don't know if these are bipolar symptoms or what.I keep repeating the same thing to myself eg: I hate myself. I was doing much better on my meds, but I went away and forgot them, and now I'm trying to get my level back up. I'm on Lamictal, Abilify and Lithium. Thanks for any input.
Hi. I was breezing through here looking for something about bad thyroids and chronic knee/shin pain, and I kind of got stuck on your letter instead. I read it because of your question, "Is this a bipolar symptom?" I figured whatever your symptom was, I might be able to help a little, since I've been bipolar since they called us manic-depressives.
Your letter gave me the feeling that the diagnosis, the medication, the whole concept was new to you....I'll bet the disorder has been with you a long while, but it seems like you have just begun to confront it, put a name on it, and take control over it. I took the liberty of reading some of your other posts to try to get a feel for where you are in the process of taking your life back.
Since I know you a little, here's a little about me, so we'll be even. I'm an aging flower child, product of the sixties, I saw the Beatles in person, I was in typing class when the principal announced on the intercom that John Kennedy had been shot. I have too many cats, I am a vegetarian to this day, and mostly, I'm still crazy after all these years. So there you go, now you kind of know me too.
Your question - hard to break down and answer. It's not so much that there are symptoms of being bipolar, as that being bipolar is a symptom of psychological and physical disorders. What you're doing, repeating the same phrase over and over and over, isn't particularly unusual. If you do it as you walk circles around your kitchen and touch every third tile on the counter, you're exhibiting a little OCD - perfectly acceptable and fairly common. If you do it while you're walking down the street, to set a pace for your footfalls - IHATEmyselfIHATEmyselfIHATEmyselfIHATEmy self - that's something a lot of people do too. Even just looping it in your head over and over, it's okay.
So, bp1 ~ I assume that stands for Bright Pretty One? ~ as long as your quirks, obsessions or loops do no harm to you, or anyone else, they don't have to be labeled as symptoms, defined, or even particularly understood. Conversely, if you're in the middle of the street in the middle of the night in your jammies, hitting the neighbor's car with a baseball bat every time you say HATE - "I HATE (bash) myself I HATE (bash) myself I HATE (bash) myself" - then you have done some harm, and the police will arrest you, take your bat, take you away, and THEN the repetition of that phrase has become a symptom of a bigger problem and needs to be addressed.
So, BrightPrettyOne, what I DID think was a symptom, problem, glitch, whatever you want to call it - in your post - was WHY are you walking around saying, "I hate myself?" That's bad stuff to have stuck in your head. Tiresome, the concept of hate - it will wear you out. Maybe you're just really mad at yourself for forgetting your meds, and causing a setback in your wellness?
If you don't mind a bit of unsolicited advice...you can safeguard that from ever happening again. Put a week's supply of your meds in your purse in one of those weekly dispenser thingies they sell at the drug store. Or in the glove compartment of your car. If you use a national chain type pharmacy, you can go to any store and identify yourself, tell them you need a week's supply of your meds as you've forgotten them at home.
Be well and prosper. PatsyCatsy
Wow PatsyCatsy what you said was totally awesome and well written. I agree with the loop to loop thought process. I tend to do it but i tend to pace while i do it though i pace anyway. lol Yeap a pacer. Ok that being said BP1 listen to what she wrote it is well worth more then one read. Try telling yourself when you start that I hate myself stuff that you know what I am not going to say it. I might not like myself but I am not worth hating. Name a few things you do like about yourself. Are you creative? Are you funny? Sarcasism is a good thing. Ok for me it is. Focus on the positive things you do like about you. Try looking in the mirror at yourself and find something you like. DO you like the color of your eyes? Or perhaps you have freckles you think aren't too bad. Jsut a thought. I have to make myself do it a lot. I know that i can't be all bad since I have a few friends who care about and tell me so. So i figure you must be worth bunches more then what you might think or feel at the moment. We all forget things believe me. I forgot my swim suit in florida. Forgot a ton of stuff before I left for florida for school. It happens. So don't worry about it and do the best you can.
thank you for the posts--they helped a lot. Patsycatsy, you hit the nail on the head in your guess work. All your advice is appreciated. Emerald, thank you-- that advice is working already--- It's weird because I don't usually have an image problem. I truly am positive, but I will try to stop that negative thought in it's tracks, and maybe that will help.
Thak God for this board where people who understand can talk to each other and benefit from so much wisdom!
Am I way off here???? I know you wanted to make her feel better, but......isn't telling yourself a "I hate myself" over and over again--a sign of depression? Or just low self-esteem?
I ask---because my 10y has anxiety and depression--unmedicated and tells herself every single day how stupid she is and how much she hates herself and wished she was dead.
So---is it depression?
My 6yo is bipolar. He has never said bad things to himself--but he is also aspergers/HFA and a language disorder---so he doesn't comprehend the death stuff or even think about bad things about himself---yet.
I worry horribly that my 10y will be bipolar in the future. We have no bipolar in the immed family either.
Not really right now. Since I have experience with my son---she is not like him. This is something that started about 3rd grade. It started with school and her inability to concentrate. The buzzing lights, kids desks making noise from erasing, etc. First thought--ADD. She also was really behind in reading and math. The school tested her for LD's---in which they said no. She was only 1 3/4 years behind---so she couldn't get spec ed. I took her to my son's psych. She tested her and she has dyslexia and processing disorders, possible ADD. We went to our ped and did a trial on concerta. We tried it for 1 month and it did nothing. Just made her moody and unable to sleep. I pulled her out of public and sent her to private school. She loves it. Small school---12 kids total. No one else in her grade---so no competition. She goes at her level and speed. She's now in 5th grade---reading at 3rd and math at 4th. School has always been good for her. Teachers loves her, kids like her, but........if one of her friends even gives her a bad look, she "thinks" they hate her and she comes home, melts down, says everybody hates her, she wishes she was like other kids and wants to kill herself.
The meltdowns are getting worse, anxiety----really bad. I can't even sit down with her to help with homework without her flipping out, pacing the floor, breaking pencils, wringing her hands, etc.
I think she just has depression and anxiety and needs a SSRI, but it scares me because my son went hypomanic on that when he was dx anxiety at 4yo. That wasn't too fun!
Do all people who are bipolar go manic on SSRI's? Are there any people without bipolar who go manic on SSRI's?