bconn

missmoody

Hi & welcome. I can feel your pain and wish that I had the magic words to help you. I don’t but I know that I have been where you are and have come through it. I can tell you this:

I found that when I was swinging high, that exercising did not help me. Neither did any form of extreme movement. I dug a 12’ flower bed, bordered it with landscape timbers, filled it with a potting soil mixture, planted the plants and completed it with pine mulch all within 8 hours only to find out that afterwards I was keyed up even more than when I started. I backfilled a bulkhead that was 50’ across, 3’ deep in about 2 days. That didn’t do the trick! I was trying to use the emotions and the movement to wear myself out. I thought that if I moved constantly and kept my mind doing something that I could get past what was really going on. It only made me go faster & faster, getting nowhere!

What I learned was that if I was sitting still (try that for hard) and breathing slow and deep while purposely directing my thoughts by thinking of a deep, dark, still pond that was surrounded by trees blowing gently in the high wind with the sound of the wind washing over me that it empowered me. It gave me the chance to calm down.

I found that for me, if I could calm down, then I could reasonably think out what was really bothering me and setting me off. My depression was long term and it took me a long time to learn to sit still. It took me a long time to remember how to deal with things in a rational, sane manner. (Meditation?)

Drugs work for some but not for me so it makes me hesitant to tell someone that the meds don’t always work but they don’t. If your meds are not working for you, tell your doctors and make them change them. Or at least the dosages! If the drugs help you, great. But you might have to help the drugs by doing your part.

Doctors tell you that you have to change your thinking and way of dealing with things, but they don’t tell you how to do that. Learn how to do it. You might not be able to visit my pond with my wind, but you can visit the beach, the mountains, a valley, heck the desert. Whatever works for you. Could even be a home setting, a park, any place that you can find peace..... and feel free to come sit by the pond with me and hold my hand. I won’t ask any questions or require any response. I’ll just be there.

Please don’t hurt yourself. Give yourself time to learn. There is light in that tunnel and not necessarily only at the end. It’s there, it’s dim, it is all along the way, so use it to find your way out. A pinprick of light can be enough and just a simple suggestion of what you can do to help yourself is all you need in order to brighten it. It might sound crazy but it worked for me.

Brenda aka bconn