question about being supportive - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

SugarFree · 10-10-2002, 08:16 PM

About a year ago, my fiance's aunt lost her husband to bi-polar disorder when he took his life. Obviously this has been a very traumatic issue in the family, but it has brought everyone closer together and she is making positive outlets for her pain (i.e. bi-polar awareness, fundraising, etc.). She has also looked into her own spirituality to grow stronger to God through this. We have all tried to be supportive, but sometimes it's difficult. Recently, I went to Notre Dame and saw an area in which people could make devotions to those who had lost loved ones recently. I made a devotion in her name and her husband's memory, and I took a few pictures (I am a photographer as a hobby). My question to this board is: should I send her the pictures? On one hand, I feel like it is a beautiful moment that I want her to be a part of and to be uplifted by. On the other hand, I don't want to bring up the pain when she is having a hard enough time moving on as is. I think she would love to have them, but I also think it would be yet another reminder for her loss. My fiance thinks I should send them but I'm still not sure. Does anyone have any advice for this? Thank you for taking the time to help me make the right decision.

kiehn · 10-11-2002, 09:34 PM

I can understand you hesitation and bottom line it
has to be you're decision. Which I would make from
my heart, it's usually the right decision. I'm
bipolar and I know from my own experience, it seems
to be a tabu topic for everyone else, which makes
me feel like an outcast. I also believe that when
someone special passes away, you never forget them
although many times it seems like everyone else has.
Mine is only one opinion, maybe you'll get a few more
to help you make your decision.
kiehn

SugarFree · 10-12-2002, 01:51 PM

Thank you for your reply. I have given it thought, and along with your encouraging words, have decided to mail the pictures. I want to let her know that the thoughts and memories exist. What you said about people feeling as though others have forgotten their lost loved one really helped me to realize that I want to be someone who lets her know that he is not forgotton. This, along with many other things, should be told to her.. even if it is told by a hundred other people, I ugess I can be 101. I just hope it doesn't have an adverse effect, but I suppose no action is without its risks. Thank you again for your response, it was very comforting to hear.