Diagnosed Mentally Ill and Hate the Rage at My Daughter - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

ronniesteers · 08-21-2006, 02:03 PM

I was diagnosed as bipolar over a year ago and have been on medication for it. My problem is that I get extremely enraged at my daughter when she refuses to do things (most of the time it's in the morning, getting dressed, brushing teeth, or at night taking a bath). I start pulling at her and physically try to make her to these things. I don't beat her or throw her but I am extremely rough with her and am very upset with myself for doing this. I don't know if it's part of the illness or the stress of being a mom, but I want to stop doing this to her. Tomorrow is her 5th birthday and I want it to be very special. Sometimes I just get so sad and depressed and don't know why. I need to change, but need help too. Any advice, (including therapy)? Some days I just hate myself for being the way I am.

distroyed · 08-22-2006, 08:11 AM

Ronniesteers, I have witnessed the same behavior from my wife over the past year. she is BP and currently trying to find the right combo of meds.
we also have a daughter 5 and a son 3. I have herd her say the same things you have said. that she hates herself for the way she is with the kids. she says she is a bad mother. she is not, infact befor she flipped (not trying to insult anyone) She was the one that everyone wanted to leave their kids with. People were always telling her to open a day care because she was so patient and good with kids. I'm glad now that she didn't I would be running it now

. Anyway kids can be very stressful, and I don't think someone with BP is able to cope at times. I see with my wife that the less stress in life the better she gets, but through in a slight amount of stress, like the kids acting up, and watch out!

it is good though that you recognize it and want to fix it.
Remember, kids learn their behaviour from thier parents.

Lurchpoppa · 08-22-2006, 08:40 AM

I've got 6. 10 yr old boy, 5yr old twin girls, a 2, a 1, and a 1 month old.(yes we're done) The main thing I have to remember is that kids are #1: easily distracted and #2: don't understand why we have to bathe/brush our teeth/put the trash IN the trash can.
If punishment is necessary it generally involves something brief, and then it's over. Kids are hard to begin with, being BP makes it just that much harder.
If you are afraid you're going to hurt your daughter, sometimes it's best to just let go of what you think needs to be done. Does she NEED a bath now, or can it wait. Maybe you can find a way to make it her idea. A new towel, but one she can only use at bathtime can be an incentive. Take her to pick out her own toothbrush, try new toothpaste, get a cup just for brushing teeth. Every one of my children has needed something different to want to do this stuff. One twin just wanted an explanation, one wanted shampoo that was "just hers". Each child is different, and yours will be too. I hope this helps, and if you need any ideas, I'll get my wife in on it.

Arthur

ronniesteers · 08-22-2006, 11:36 AM

Thank you both for your replies. It made me relieved to know I'm not alone.

Distroyed - I have been following your dilemma and hope things are getting better for you. Thanks for taking the time to respond to me. I really do feel horrible when these things happen but at least other bipolars have this problem too. What did you do when your wife got angry at the kids? Did you have to run to be the shoulder to cry on. That's what happens with my fiance.

Lurchpoppa

I guess I shouldn't complain. I could never deal with six children. I have to admire you and your wife. I give her incentives - she gets to pick her own toothbrushes, toothpaste, bubble baths, shampoos, etc. It's just that sometimes when she gets in stubborn mode and I am on short circuit for one reason or another (usually it depends on the day and how my mood is) we clash badly. You're right, it's not the end of the world if they don't brush their teeth, take a bath, even get dressed (on my rational mornings I tell her I'm going to take her to school in her pajamas). I'll keep working on it and keep you posted. And thanks.

Robert165 · 08-22-2006, 12:05 PM

As long as you're not hurting her, thats the main thing. Scaring her is defiently not good nor is being "mean" but the main thing is you want to work on it. Since I don't have kids and can't give advice I'd say to work onit in hterapy or even seek advice from a thrapist that deals with kids and managing kids, as well as, web resources for the same. I hope it doent seem patronizing to say I'm proud of you and that you want to improve your daughters life by treating her better.