How do you move forward - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

Aye Carumba · 08-21-2006, 04:49 PM

I've lost the last bit of hope my wife would get better (for good) and return. I've acknowledged our relationship being over..although I still hurt and grieve. I've been hanging around the house for the past weeks. I need to stop that and move forward. I don't know how to start? I really don't have any friends since I devoted all my time to my spouse. I've grieved enough! I just don't want to force trying to have fun. Thanks.

Lurchpoppa · 08-21-2006, 05:04 PM

For me, moving forward after any relationship has always involved letting myself still love the person, but focus on those you're with. When I'd go out with friends I'd treat it like a project with the goal of finding out as much as I could about them. It always distracted me from the one I was moving on from, and furthered the friendship I was cultivating.

Kymberlee · 08-21-2006, 08:45 PM

Dear Aye, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Can I ask you a question? What has happened to let you know that it's over? I'm asking because I think I may know how you feel. I ask myself all the time HOW LONG will I put up with this so-called 'marriage'? HOW LONG will I am I willing to be in this loveless, sexless, uncaring, non-supportive 'relationship'??? I just don't know. I'm not even sure HOW I feel about my husband anymore. I feel like I'm the most SINGLE 'married' person I know. I do EVERYTHING and GO EVERYWHERE by myself. My husband is NOT the man I knew or married and I'm not sure if or when he'll ever show up.

So, I'm just interested in your story and what brought you to this conclusion. So, if you don't mind me being nosey, can you tell me more? Thanks, Kym.

rosequartz · 08-21-2006, 09:34 PM

well for me I started an exercize program and I really enjoyed the peace and stress-free time by myself. Being alone can give you inner peace that you can't have with a bi-polar spouse around.

Aye Carumba · 08-22-2006, 09:15 AM

Dear Kym, i'm sorry you and everyone else on this board are in similar situations. Coming to the decision has been a cumulative effect. It comes down to i'm tired of her treating everyone else better than she treats me. I'm married yet i'm lonely more than 3/4 of the time. I've allowed myself to be a doormat. I used to be ashamed to tell people what I have gone through. Now I find it helps to reenforce my decision to let people into the world I have been living. Her giving into her mania and moving out was pretty much the last straw. If she doesn't want to help herself, I would be a fool to stay and wait for her any longer. Plus it is only going to get worse with time. It's a hard decision and I'm still uneasy with it. I hope to grow more confident with each day. There has to be a better life for me. I thought I was the chosen one to help my wife with her struggles. It's not me, it has to be her. I've done all I can do. May God bless you and I wish you the best. I have read your posts and feel your pain. I will still post her to help where I can and get some support for my bad times. Take Care