Help me help him - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

tamara29 · 08-22-2006, 11:59 AM

I haven't posted in a while. DH was getting better, and I decided to stay away for a while. He has been out of work for almost two months now. First, it was medical leave, and then his company fired him. For the last month, he's been looking for another job, which is really hard going because he can't/doesn't want to drive a truck anymore. That's all he's done for the last seven years.

He was doing so great, and we were getting along so well. But, now the depression is creeping in, because he feels so bad that he can't find a job. I can handle the depression so much better than the manic episodes. But, with this depression, he is so irritable. It's not like the rage he has when manic, but I'm scared that it will lead to that.

He's also showing some signs of the things I first noticed something was different about him about two years ago. He told my mom something private the other day about our financial state. I have made some mistakes with our finances, but some of them were caused by things he had done. For example, I would write checks to pay the bills or buy groceries or whatever. The money would be there according to the balance in the back of the checkbook. But, he would pull money out, causing the checks to bounce. So, we owe our bank money for overdraft fees. And, I'll admit that it was partly my fault for not asking him if he had pulled any money out when I knew he would never tell me otherwise. Anyway, he told my mom that he hoped I had learned my lesson about writing checks. He also told her about owing the bank money.

Several weeks ago, we had talked all of this over when he was in a rational frame of mind. We decided to just let it go, not place the blame on anyone, and learn from it and move on. And, I thought we had until this weekend. My mom was worried to death about it, so she said something to me.

Anyway, he's taking Seroquel and it was working really, really well. Should we call the doctor and asked about a anti-depressant? I know that it could make him manic, but would the Seroquel keep it from doing that? How can I help him through this depressive state?

emeraldeyes114 · 08-22-2006, 04:03 PM

I understand the reasons for him feeling the way he does. It seems like the world when most are married expect the man to be the major bread winner regardless of health or anything else. I do not feel it was fair to involve outside family members especially after you had talked and seemed to come to an agreement between you both. Putting additional worries like upon someone else who really might not be able to do anything just doesn't feel right really to me but then again everyone is different when it comes to such matters. I would say at least letting the doc know what is going and how he is doing is vital. Then letting the doc see if he thinks an anti-depressant will be of use to him which it might at this point.

It is hard to watch those we love suffer in any form. I think perhaps trying to do what you can and being supportive as you can is very important. Maybe try going for walks if the heat isn't too bad in the evening. I know exercise has made a difference for me in my life and in my depression. Giving him space if he needs it and also making sure that you give yourself you time as well. We all need those moments to ourselves to unwind so to speak and let it roll away from our minds. Try to draw him out on what he is thinking if he will let you.

Emerald