denial vs reality - Bipolar Disorder Message Board

minneice · 05-17-2003, 01:02 PM

I was diagnosed as BP II about 5.5 years ago. I had a history of what was labeled as 'major depressive disorder with severe anxiety disorder'. Had many hospitalizations throughout life, though always continued to work. Took an MAOI for about 5 years at one point, and it was like a miracle drug, but though was on a totally strict diet, had two hypertensive crises and thus went off. Was really off all meds for about 8 years, and danced my energy off (modern and jazz tap) and kept very busy, very creative person. Lots of crap happened in the meantime, and I ended up living in a place I don't want to be, was put on so many meds after 'the'diagnosis that I kept bouncing off walls, lost my ability to work and now on disability, and the latest is that I was changed from celexa to lexapro (just a take off on the original, as patent is ending and they Must make their money) and it has done nothing but ko me. I hate it. Mood stabilizers do nothing but depress me. I've tried them all. I have come to believe that the meds have made me worse, that I'm better off if I can just 'work' through the hard times, and have stopped the lexapro last night (stopped the zyprexa months ago, haven't told doc as they'd be furious - but have done very without it thank you). My question is: i guess, can someone be 'borderline' BP and only made worse by meds (which, truth be known, DO change your cell's chemistry and thus trap you into needing them) which is my theory, or could it be this denial that my pdoc recently told me I have about being BP? I know its a bunch to ask, not knowing my history, but I'm at wits end with meds and the ups and downs they bring with it. I've been in a depressive episode for several months, and now figure I may as well be depressed and not full of side effects at the same time. I also think I will one day be able to work again, and at this rate with this drug crap going on, I cannot see I ever will if I don't change something. Doctors are not gods, they do not have all the answers, and I'm sick of being lead around by the nose. Sorry, just venting. Doubt there are any real answers out there. Thanks for reading. pat

zest for zen · 05-17-2003, 03:37 PM

I feel exactly how you do. I am wondering after being diagnosed or rather labeled Bi Polar if I am....or am I just borderline and if these moods are natural.
I too get depressed alot..Right now I am going through major depression to the point I don't even want to do my art work anymore..The Doctor's have tried me on wellbutrin,celex,zoloft now I am on Remoron and It is making me worse.
I take valporic acid which is a form of depokote, and it does nothing but make me fat and depressed.
I feel like you do ..I just want to get off of everything and let nature take its course..and get back into yoga..
Sorry, I can't answer your questions, because I am where you are..
If you have any answers let me know...

iduno · 05-17-2003, 04:36 PM

hi,
i am artistic too but more to do with art and writing and poetry. i do not take drugs.i try not to follow my moods and feelings with thoughts that take me down into depression or up into mania. i take st johns wort to prevent me going too far down and it works for me. it is a natural plant extract that keeps the serotonin in your brain.i take vit b complex too and i am going to try flax and magnesium and omega 3 fish oils.lecithin is also a natural mood stabiliser i might try.
i do think there are various degrees of bipolar.
hope this helps you to get a fairer picture because there seems to be this enormous pressure to take drugs to control bipolar that i found difficult to overcome also,( tho having said that i do think that some people need to take drugs and that it depends on each individual case.)
all the best

[This message has been edited by iduno (edited 05-17-2003).]

minneice · 05-17-2003, 04:53 PM

Thanks to the last two posters. It is nice to hear some agreement. I do think it stifles creativity. However, as you said also, some truly do need the medications. Some, however, who lay on the borderline side of BP are probably best left alone and let to exprience their moods and deal with them in the way they always have, if it isn't troublesome. Thanks for responding. Nice to have support! pat